The Guy's Rules

[ldsgurl_2002]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!

[Ray]

Funny? Why is it funny? It's simply the way we think, for most guys at least. And it would pretty much be exactly the way I think if I were into sports and monster trucks.

p.s. Reading through the list again, I'd have to say that I do disagree with question 1 also. Question 1 of 1, that is, about toilet seats, because I can easily understand why a woman would want the "preset" position to be sitting down because she simply doesn't want to fall through. And the only reason I lift the seat is to avoid making a mess when I can't get my "thing" to shoot straight.

[begood2]

ldsgurl,

I enjoyed reading your Guy's Rules post. I found it to be funny and not offensive to me. :)

[Lindy]

Originally posted by Ray@Nov 16 2005, 12:52 PM

Funny?  Why is it funny?  It's simply the way we think, for most guys at least.  And it would pretty much be exactly the way I think if I were into sports and monster trucks.

p.s.  Reading through the list again, I'd have to say that I do disagree with question 1 also.  Question 1 of 1, that is, about toilet seats, because I can easily understand why a woman would want the "preset" position to be sitting down because she simply doesn't want to fall through.  And the only reason I lift the seat is to avoid making a mess when I can't get my "thing" to shoot straight.

←

WHY is it funny? you answered it yourself Ray..because it's simply the way guys think. Woman forget sometimes that guys have a total different way of thinking...and they get upset when they watch or hear the little things that they do or say that really get to a female....than it's like "oh YEA!!!!!" ding light comes on and you realize...he's not bad....he's just a guy!

And the only reason I lift the seat is to avoid making a mess when I can't get my "thing" to shoot straight.

RAY!!!!! did you just make a funny? :wow: !!!!!!!

[Justlooking]

Originally posted by ldsgurl_2002@Nov 16 2005, 01:00 PM

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.  Now here are the rules from the male side.  These are our rules!  Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.  Sunday = sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1.  Shopping is NOT a sport.  And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1.  Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one:  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!

1.  Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.  Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.  A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

1.  Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1.  If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1.  If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1.  If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1.  You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.  Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1.  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.  Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1.  If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1.  If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1.  If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1.  Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1.  You have enough clothes.

1.  You have too many shoes.

1.  I am in shape.  Round is a shape.

1.  Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that?  It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!

←

well said :)

[moroni]

woman should look at these rules it would make yours and your husbands life much easier

[ctrkohl]

i thought that was the funniest thing i ever read

[glindakc]

hmmm... that was... interesting

[Guest funkyfool416]

twas great....basically the truth...most of it anyway.

And the only reason I lift the seat is to avoid making a mess when I can't get my "thing" to shoot straight.

wow i def wanted to know that...

[Christos]

As it has been said.

"TMI"

(too much information)