I need help.

[ilovejesus]

Hey people.

This might be a longish message but I really need some advice help right now.

I am 23 years old. Baptised into the church 5 years ago but was only active in the first year of that time. I have no parents as I was abused as a child and lost them both. I have had a really rough time in my life. Nobody in my family is in the church. I was inactive the last 4 years.and well I guess here are the things I need help with.

. I came back to church because I started seeing a mormon guy. Execpt it was just plain no strings attached stuff. Like breaking the law of chastity. I fell in love with him and began to read the scriputres and pray again because I wanted to be with him. And I gained a testimony again. This guy is like pretty much it in our stake. Hes the most popular guy around and acts so faithful and temple worthy etc. But it turns out he was just using me when I was vulnerable and didn't know any better I'm reallly in love with him and its hurting me so bad. I dont want to go to any YSA meetings though because I'm scared of bumping into him again and seeing him with all the other girls hes got. I've repented of everything I did with him and I'm just so scared now.

. I'm basically a nobody. I took drugs for years and drunk a lot whlst inactive from the church. I live alone and feel suicidal everyday but act happy to everyone else. I quit the drink and drugs and repented but I feel as though I do have a testimony but I can't change my life. I have nobody. I've tried being friends with peple in the church but I think they think I'm a little weird or awkward as I'm so shy. I keep asking god for help as I can't do this on my own anymore. I'm so lost. But Nothing changes no matter how hard I try. I dont think I fit in with anyone in the church since i came back either. I feel like my life is just going more and more downhill. I dont think I'm as pretty as the other girls. IN fact when I go to church i feel like an ugly mess compared to everyone else.

I dont know what to do anymore. I've kept all this in. I'm still haunted every day by the abuse from my childhood and it hurts so bad. Today I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes cos I couldn't cope

Ahh I duno what to do

[Therauh]

I can relate....Struggling too.You aren't Alone.

It's ruff trying to deal with a broken heart alone...been trying to do it for several years.

I've managed to repent of everything immediately hampering me from coming into the church but smoking so far.I've been smoking since I was about 5 years old.I hate that it so far has managed to keep me at the spot where I can't seem to move forward much or where I need to be.

I realize that eventually I have to give up wrestling with God like Jacob and lean on the Lords arm and give him this broken heart.

It's the only sacrifice he accepts and that's why I have it.

O' and would you like to be friends?

Edited August 30, 2010 by Therauh

[ilovejesus]

Hey yeah! I might not be able to come on here much. But I have facebook. Thankyou so much for the advice and I Hope that you can be happy too soon :)

[ryanh]

No one is a "nobody". You are not a "nobody".

You need to see your Bishop for spiritual counsel. I don't know what the situation is like in the UK, but professional counseling sounds to be in order too. Your Bishop may have knowledge of available resources.

Have you ever read Believing Christ, or Following Christ by Steven Robinson? Both books contain passages that describe people stuck in situations like yours, and how the Atonement relates. It seems to me that the understanding in those books regarding the Atonement and your worth could be of help.

Go see your Bishop. Seek local help for the issues you are facing. Continue with the good changes you have made, but also look to other sources to deeping your understanding of the Gospel and how it specifically relates to you.

[ilovejesus]

Hi thankyou so much fr your kind words. I am definetley going to read those books. I will look out for them. And I will go see the bishop Just gotta pluck up the confidence to do that. But I know god will help me.

Thankyou :)

[Guest mirancs8]

First of all I want to say how sorry I am to hear about the abuse you endured in your past and the pain you are feeling now. The pain must be set so deep within you.

Let me reassure you that there are a number of us here who can relate in one way or another with what you have (and are) going through in your life. Not only have the events in your life set the stage for a downward slop, but you have dealt with a crushing blow recently to your heart. Do not allow this guy to cause you to climb into your shell and hide away to protect yourself from being hurt again. Instead continue forward to live a righteous path as HF would want for you.

You can do this! It's not easy by any measure but you will become stronger with each day. Always remember that when you do things pleasing to HF the adversaries will work overtime to put it in your head to do something to taint your worthiness. Like buying a pack of cigarettes and giving you the false comfort that those cigarettes are going to sooth your problems. Now go throw out those cigarettes

I agree with what was said about going to your Bishop. He genuinely cares for you and will help you. Entrench yourself in the scriptures and read some books that will motivate you to move forward spiritually. I myself have LDS speeches on CD and listen to them whenever I am in the car. Also talk to your Bishop about seeking therapy. LDS Family Svcs is great and if you can't afford it the Bishop can help and even pay it entirely.

Put your standards high above all else! YOU ARE SOMEBODY!!! And don't you ever let anyone make you feel differently. After everything that you have been through you need to give yourself credit for getting this far. You've taken the first step to gaining your testimony back, and now it's time to take that next step... it's up to you. Schedule some time to talk to your Bishop it will help you sort with those spiritual issues/questions as well with helping you to feel more a part of your ward.

Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time. And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

2 Nephi 4:16-24

[FunkyTown]

Another Brit!

That's amazing.

Listen: No matter how you feel, which can be bad and low, you are loved. You aren't alone. That isn't platitudes - That's just the truth. You aren't alone, you can make it and church is emptier without you in it.

That having been said: You're showing some tell-tale signs of depression. When you're depressed, everything seems terrible. You can usually explain what you feel are logical reasons for feeling the way you do, but to people outside of that it seems extreme. You might want to get help. If you do, you'll feel better.

But you need to take that leap. You're strong enough and you can. You deserve to be happy, but you need to take the leap.

[Daniel2020]

When you have truly repented the Lord remembers your sins no more. Neither should you.

You are NOT a "nobody." You are a daughter of the most high God. You have a Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother who love and cherish you. In time you'll find others do as well--if you don't avoid them (which is why it is important--however uncomfortable it may be in the beginning--that you go places where you can associate with those who seek to be righteous).

Please talk to your Bishop and ask him for a blessing. If you haven't received your patriarchal blessing then get it and read it daily. You will benefit from daily prayer and scripture study as well as from other things that give you a spiritual lift. (You might, for example, get the hymns on CD and let the power of music help you in times of doubt and despair.) Were I your Bishop, (among other things) I would ask you to read D&C 121 and the Book of Job and return so we could discuss how they apply to your life.

I will remember you in my prayers. May your future be brighter than your past.

Edited August 31, 2010 by Daniel2020

[MormonMama]

I'm sorry you have had to suffer so much. You have definitely been dealt a rough deck of cards, but that does not mean that you are worthless or that Heavenly Father does not love you. The scriptures promise us that He will never give us more than we can handle. Considering you've quit the drugs and alcohol and made an effort to come back to church and repent, I'd say you're stronger than you realize!

I also agree with those who have recommended counseling. You sound like you could be suffering from depression. I have dealt with that for as long a I can remember and I also engaged in self-destructive behaviors and had very low feelings of self-worth (I tried to commit suicide twice when I was younger). You are a beloved daughter of God and He wants you to be happy. If that means bringing in outside help, then go for it. I did and I'm very glad. Although I can't afford treatment right now, I still learned things that help me cope today. Talk to your bishop and see if you can get in with LDS Family Services. If you can't afford them, still check into counseling somewhere. My insurance did not cover LDS Family Services, but I was still able to get the help I needed elsewhere.

You might also be judging those around you a bit harshly. It's entirely possible that none of them thinks badly about you but you just believe they do because your self-esteem is so low (and believe me, I've been there). And even if anyone does think badly about you, don't let it keep you away from church and the Gospel. They'll have to answer for their behavior, but if you let the behavior of others be an excuse to abandon church, then YOU will have to answer for that.

I also have a Facebook. If you'd like to be friends on there, PM me your Facebook address and I'll send you an invite.