Backroads Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Me again. So after lots of praying, examining of the relationship, discussion, a few sessions for pre-marital counseling, etc., my fiance and I are still going through with the wedding. Trick is... the tentative date is in early March. We are still waiting for the letter from his ex for the temple clearance. My bishop has been through a few of these and says in his experience it's only been a few weeks... once everything is turned in. I guess we're both a little paranoid and we're aleady discussing how long we would want to delay the wedding if the clearance doesn't come through in time. My ultimate paranoid fear is that his ex will leave on her mission without sending the letter and I understand that would delay things even further. Neither of us are particularly interested in doing a civil marriage and waiting a year... though I've had friends do it for various reasons and were quite happy with it. If the delay is a maddeningly long amount of time, I think we would consider a civil ceremony and wait the year for the sealing. Keep in mind we would prefer to do the temple thing if at all possible and I guess I just don't see the delay lasting more than a few months. Any advice? Thoughts? Case studies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Two months is usually ample time to get the approval back from the First Presidency. If you are a little squeamish, then move the marriage date to the end of March to give it a few extra weeks leeway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I know of a couple whose Stake Presidents submitted their applications for clearance and cancellation on November 10th. The decision was finalized by the First Presidency on Dec 17th, with letters arriving shortly thereafter. Just be sure his Stake President has actually submitted the application. If there is nothing unusual, I agree with Ram - two months should be plenty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Thanks. I guess I'm just a little squeamish, which is scary because I've been the one telling fiance, parents, friends, everyone we will deal with it if it becomes a problem. Though there is a little part of me that just wants to send his ex a Facebook message and beg for her to send in the letter... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Sorry, guess I didn't read the OP well enough. I missed the fact that the ex had not written a letter. I was told (but have no first hand knowledge myself) that if the Administration receives an application from a Stake President that does not include a letter from the former spouse, the Administration will try to reach the former spouse again before giving the file to the First Presidency. I don't know how long they will give, but that could significantly delay the process. If they have her address, it should be easier for them to confirm whether or not she wishes to comment or not. The one experience I am aware of where the ex (in this case, it was a cancellation) did not cooperate, it took almost 5 months from submission to receipt of the cancellation letter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm not too worried about being unable to get a hold of her... I'm just paranoid she might sneak off on her mission prior to the letter. My fiance and his ex have mutual friends, and my fiance is in the same ward as her sister, so it's a matter of getting her to cooperate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captmoroniRM Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Wait for the temple marriage. You won't be sad you did. Show the Lord that you really want to do his will. Pray and maybe even fast that everything goes well. Demonstrate to the Lord that you want to be married His way and trust that he will open the way. The Lord is a miracle worker. And even if it doesn't happen in the timeline, would it even matter in the end? You waited another few months/weeks to be sealed to each other for time and all eternity. Sure it might complicate the logistics of the wedding and all the surrounding festivities, but that is all icing on the cake. Personally, I'd rather complicate things, wait a few weeks/months, and be sealed rather than deal with the already complicated logistics of a wedding, and then have to wait another year to know that we are sealed for all eternity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) · Hidden Hidden I'm divided on this one. I think if there's a strong risk of breaking the law of chastity (probably not a problem in your case, but I mention it), I think it can be better to get the civil marriage done and remove that stressor. Also, if there are non-member family who will be deeply offended by not being part of the wedding, I personally wouldn't rule out civil marriage first and temple marriage second. I've known couples who have waited for the temple ceremony and then blown it from a chastity standpoint. They ended up with a civil marriage anyway and were embarrassed because all the announcements had been printed telling everyone it was a temple weeding. And then, I have a story I won't go into where I really hurt my non-member family by having a temple wedding that my non-member famliy couldn't be part of. It's still an issue 17 years later. People have strong feelings about the importance of the temple ceremony, and will likely react negatively to the idea of a civil marriage first. But I see the other side; there CAN be a large cost to having a temple marriage if n/m family and waiting amplifies chastity risks that are present, and I think one has to consider that. The other risk of NOT doing the temple ceremony first is that you might not ever do it. The first year of my marriage was sheer torment and I think that if we hadn't have gotten married in the temple first, we may have never gone to the temple after a civil marriage; the first year was so hard for us. You have to judge if you want to take that risk. Edited January 5, 2011 by mormonmusic Link to comment
eternalpromise516 Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 i really appreciate MM's post on this. as a convert and the first member of my family, i'm considering whenever that time comes, to have a civil wedding first so my family (specifically my mom and brother) can be a part of it. but, we'll see when that time comes what happens. praying for you backroads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thank-you everyone. More specifics on the situation: My fiance's bishop is going to call the ex if he doesn't receive the letter by today. My old bishop from like 10 years ago suggested asking my fiance's bishop to contact the ex's bishop. Since we have the "today" thing right now, I'm thinking the planned wedding date for the temple will be what happens. As for chastity, my mom wants us to be doing everything we can to get the letter, because she even said last night "you two can't be just cuddling for more than a few months" which is a serious comment at the same time it's funny. I think that's our big thing: if the wait is long enough that we would fear chastity issues, we might just do a civil ceremony. However, right now, it looks like any potential delay would not go over a month, which I don't see as a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Feeling good. We officially have all the paperwork we need! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Whoopee!!!!! Glad to hear it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 And now all that paperwork is officially in the mail! Hopefully the clearance won't take long--it seems most people are telling me once it's in the mail it's just a few weeks. Weird request... if people don't mind doing so, would anyone pray that we get the stuff back quick? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainEm Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 Oh, my, I'm hoping it's a few weeks! I'm going through the same thing. So... to rephrase the question for me... once the First Presidency has the paperwork, how long does it take nowadays, provided nothing icky gets in the way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 I'm hoping it's a few weeks. Every time someone gives me a horror story--they also say it's usually part of the time of sitting around on a bishop or stake president's desk or waiting for letters. I'll let you know. I've actually entered panic mode because I'm a snotty little princess who wants to be married in the Ogden Temple before the remodeling for the sole reason that it's an ignored temple for weddings AND I don't want to have a civil ceremony. I'm considering, next week, actually calling the church office bulding and asking about it, if that's not too forward. At least asking for the typical timeline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Nice thing is that you could be married in the Provo temple and it would be the same building Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 So... to rephrase the question for me... once the First Presidency has the paperwork, how long does it take nowadays, provided nothing icky gets in the way?A real experience from just month ago . . . I know of a couple whose Stake Presidents submitted their applications for clearance and cancellation on November 10th. The decision was finalized by the First Presidency on Dec 17th, with letters arriving shortly thereafter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Yes, the above is nice. What is even nicer is that yesterday my mom's friend's brother who just recently retired a few months ago from the church office says that if everything is correct we can very likely expect letters back in two-three weeks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalpromise516 Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 backroads, that is so awesome! i'm very excited for you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted February 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) Exactly 16 days after all sealing clearance petition paperwork was placed in the mailbox, the clearance approval letter arrived. Edited February 5, 2011 by Backroads Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalpromise516 Posted February 5, 2011 Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 Exactly 16 days after all sealing clearance petition paperwork was placed in the mailbox, the clearance approval letter arrived.YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations to both of you!!!:D:D:D:D^_^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 So happy for you. My sweetheart and I are still waiting for my paperwork to come in. We put it into the bishop in September. We are hoping for it to be back before our one year anniversary in March. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 Exactly 16 days after all sealing clearance petition paperwork was placed in the mailbox, the clearance approval letter arrived.YAY!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted February 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 So happy for you. My sweetheart and I are still waiting for my paperwork to come in. We put it into the bishop in September. We are hoping for it to be back before our one year anniversary in March.I hope you get it! That would be an incredible anniversary! One of my buddies and his wife are trying to be temple worthy by their 10th anniversary so they can be sealed for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainEm Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 So happy for you. My sweetheart and I are still waiting for my paperwork to come in. We put it into the bishop in September. We are hoping for it to be back before our one year anniversary in March.Does the bishop and stake president have everything they need?Got ours back as well. Three weeks. Very nice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.