I_Believe Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 I'm in a position of starting my life again. I was married the first time for 20 years. We both decided that it would be best if we were to divorce. Neither one of us were members of the church. I remarried a member of the church, and was baptized shortly thereafter. However after 3 years and one child together she was being investigated for child abuse on so many different levels. We were in the process of moving across country, I had landed a great job in the east and she has decided to stay on the west coast. Mostly because of the help she can get from medical community where she is. Because of the safety issue with the baby, we have separated and now I find myself being served divorce papers. After so many years of being with someone, I find myself a single dad with an 18 month old. I have plenty of support thru my church family and its all working out well, and after much pondering (in the temple and out) I feel that I'm doing the best for my baby. I find myself wondering how should I start over? I feel the pressure of finding someone else every Sunday when I see families sitting together. Since the church is mostly made up of families, so it makes it hard to fit in. I'm not ready for any relationship more in-depth than being friends and I'm not looking for a wife for myself, or a mother for my baby. I prayed a lot about it and I know there are some things I will need to do for myself in order to keep going, but I would have to admit that my nights are lonely and I look forward to adult contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 You will find a wide spectrum of responses to your past from potential partners. Some might struggle with it (and perhaps even be judgmental). Others would completely understand. Not everyone you will meet has been a life-long member. There are other converts that understand and are not so naive as to the realities of life and past experiences. There are also divorced men who have been in relationships with cold and inexperienced women who could see your self-knowledge as reassuring. I feel the pressure of finding someone else every Sunday when I see families sitting together. Since the church is mostly made up of families, so it makes it hard to fit in.I'm not ready for any relationship more in-depth than being friends and I'm not looking for a wife for myself, or a mother for my baby.I prayed a lot about it and I know there are some things I will need to do for myself in order to keep going, but I would have to admit that my nights are lonely and I look forward to adult contact.I'm a bit unsure what specifically you are looking for. You ask how you should start over immediately before discussing pressures to begin a new relationship. Yet then quickly point out that you are not ready/wanting a new relationship. If you are having such ambivalence about the potential for a relationship, then it probably is not a good time to be thinking of a relationship despite what social or "adult contact" desires may be present. (and neither of those really are good reasons to enter into a new relationship - it's a recipe for a 'rebound') Your son, your life, and your future relationships will benefit from a stable and strong you. If I were in your position (which I was in a similar one a year and a half ago), I'd say you start over your life by focusing on your and your son's personal growth for a while. Set the idea of dating aside for a while. It isn’t easy, but it’s healthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_Believe Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 I would agree that having a rebound is not a good idea. Since I have been married all my adult life, I do miss being around other adults. The social interaction, etc. I suppose I'm trying to figure out, how to be a single adult, rather than a married adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Start by attending some of the Single Adult activities. Depending on your age, you may qualify for Mid-Singles, which is beginning to be a major group in many areas of the country. The 40 year olds were tired of hanging out with their 80 year old sisters, so that group was formed to help them meet others their age. Beefche runs the program in the Indy area (at least until she gets hitched to her red-headed hitching post), and may be able to give you some insights into the program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Here in my Stake, they figured out that 75% of the Stake are Single Adults. When they learned that, they started taking the Single Adult's more seriously. Now they're trying to come up with stuff for us. And what they discovered is that for a Single Adult activity, it also need to be a family activity since so many have children. Now, there are single adult stake activities with "bring the kids" attached. But they are still fleshing this out because what single parent has time to go anywhere in the evening when they have kids to put in bed? So even though they've been working on it for a year, its still a work in progress. And then we still have the "professional singles" who are beyond weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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