Unsure and Uncertain

[nursingstudent2013]

I am new here and trying to get undertanding on a hard subject. I am In a marrige with a less active spouse who has at times been very emotionally abusive and controlling. I keep thinking they will change but yet my daughters even feel liek they do not want to be at home.My spouse was ohysically rough when they were younger that has stopped but at times my spouse will make comments about liking the dog more tahn our daughter, when I complain they say they are joking. How do you know when there is too much emotional damage done I am LDS and I have always thought you cant divorce unless tehre is adultrey or physical abuse.. I would appreciate any feedback

[speciallady2011]

Its hard to give advice because I am a stranger on a website so whatever I say is thoughts of things I did or rather tried to make peace.

Keep your relationship with Heavenly Father. I know in times of distress it is often hard to know he is there to help and you may have a hard time seeing that He is guiding you. Read the scriptures and feel the spirit. If you live near the temple, go in there and feel the solace and peace. Its important in a major decision like divorce you know what the Lord is thinking and in order to know that, you have to be in tune with the Spirit and recognize the Lord in your life.

Divorce happens and I worked very hard for 10 years to make mine work. My husband cheated on me a year after we were married and on top of that was the emotional abuse of him twisting it around and blaming me because I was mad at him.

I talked with the bishop, I prayed to the Lord and I also saw a counselor and I frankly forgave him for his adultery the first two times.

When you walk out of a marriage you have to walk out with no regrets knowing you did all in your power to make your marriage work.

Your the only one that knows your unique situation and so the ultimate decision to divorce or stay or get counseling or whatever you do needs to lie with you, your husband and the Lord.

Feel the Lord's love for you, it will give you the strength you need because I know by experience that single parenthood is very challenging and the initial separation is emotionally, spiritually and physically taxing.

I will pray for you and if you want to talk, let me know.

[JudoMinja]

Abuse is not something to toy around with, whether it is physical or not. There are many stories of abuse out there, but the simple fact is your husband should not be treating his family in a way that would bring them harm of any kind. How you go about making sure that is corrected will depend on him and what he is willing to do. You and your children do not need to be treated this way and there are only two ways that will stop.

1. He changes his behavior and stops being emotionally abusive.

2. You leave the relationship- yes, that means divorce.

This falls on his shoulders since his behavior is what needs changing. It is up to you to stand your ground on the fact that it needs to stop. A councelor will be a great help as you work on this, as a mediator can help you develop tools to recognize and alter the unwanted behavior. It will only work if he is willing to work with you and make the necessary changes.

While divorce should be avoided if at all possible, if your marriage is destructive and/or unsafe that may be your only option. Pray earnestly, talk with your bishop maybe, fast, ponder it in the temple, and start doing whatever you can to save your marriage if you haven't already (talk with your husband, go to counceling, etc). If these things don't work, you should consider divorce. But always follow the promptings of the spirit- if the Lord wants you out of there now, he will let you know. And if the Lord things you can hang in there longer than you think you can, maybe he is still working to soften the heart of your husband.

[grantstine]

Make an appointment with your bishop. Let him know your situation. People living in sin, or with sin tend to hide, and ridicule others. This is not acceptable behavior.