Considering...

[stephanie91]

Hello, my name is Stephanie. My fiancé is inactive in LDS, but would like to become active again, and he wants me to see what I think about the Church. I was raised Methodist, but haven't been a regular church-goer in a long time, so this is all very new to me!

[applepansy]

Welcome Stephanie. Have you read the Book of Mormon yet or talked with the missionaries?

[HiJolly]

Welcome!

[Dravin]

Welcome Stephanie. Have you read the Book of Mormon yet or talked with the missionaries?

And in the mean time a visit to Mormon.org may be a good place to stop by based on just how familiar you are with the Church.

[Truegrits]

Hello :) Welcome! Stephanie is one of my favorite names.

[stephanie91]

Asking a question here -- apologies if I'm putting it in the wrong place in the forum.

Here's my situation... My fiancé converted to LDS in his 20's, but left the church at the request of his ex-wife (she wouldn't even consider visiting). He would like to become active again. I was raised Methodist, but haven't attended church in a while. I guess you could say my religion has been something just between me and God -- I miss being involved in a church community, but the main thing that drove me away was that so many people were judgmental about anyone different from them.

My fiancé and I are planning to visit our local ward , but aall of the reading I've done online (on both pro and anti-mormon sites), I've got a big question that concerns me on two levels. I'm in my early 40s and have never been married, no kids. While I love my soon-to-be stepdaughter, who spends every other weekend with us, we do not plan to have children of our own. The LDS seems very family-centric, and as children aren't really a part of our daily lives, I'm wondering if there is a comfortable place for me within the church?

At the personal level, I wonder if I will "fit in," especially with women in the church. Are the lessons an activities for women (relief society, etc) geared mostly around children and families? Am I going to feel like the odd person out at every event? I posed a similar question to the chat representative on Mormon.org a few days ago, and her answer bothered me a lot -- she said that she knew women in their 40s in the church who "weren't even married,", but that they were spiritually fulfilled because the Heavenly Father loves them and they were happy even though they "aren't like other people." Yikes! way to make me afraid I'll be seen as a weirdo before i even set my foot in the door!

At the spiritual level, I know that having children is considered a covenant. But the truth is, I've never really wanted children of my own. I like kids and come from a very loving and supportive family, but I've never in my life felt that it was something I wanted to do, or that my life has been unfulfilled without kids. Given that I'm on the edge of being too old, and that it would be physically very risky to have kids at this point, I think most people would assume that I can't have them, and I might not be questioned too closely, but if I were younger, how would my choice be viewed by church leadership?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

[Dravin]

I think most people would assume that I can't have them, and I might not be questioned too closely, but if I were younger, how would my choice be viewed by church leadership?

This is how your choice should be viewed by the Church Leadership (and non-leadership for that matter):

2.1.4 Birth Control

It is the privilege of married couples who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for the spirit children of God, whom they are then responsible to nurture and rear. The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter.

Linky: Selected Church Policies

P.S. The Church Handbook of Instruction is a sort of primer and container of Church policies given to those in leadership positions in the Church.

Moderator: Just so you know, you're not in trouble or anything, but there are subforums of the site dedicated to asking for advice, and about LDS Doctrine. You'll get a better response if you ask questions by starting a new thread in one of those forums because a lot of people don't return to "Hello!" threads once they've posted to them (that and descriptive titles tend to grab the people interested in the particular topic for the thread).

Some links:

LDS Gospel Discussion - LDS Social Network Forums

Advice Board - LDS Social Network Forums

Learn about the Mormon Church - LDS Social Network Forums

And a listing of all the subforums here: http://www.lds.net/forums/

Edited August 2, 2011 by Dravin

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Welcome Stephanie!

[applepansy]

Asking a question here -- apologies if I'm putting it in the wrong place in the forum.

Here's my situation... My fiancé converted to LDS in his 20's, but left the church at the request of his ex-wife (she wouldn't even consider visiting). He would like to become active again. I was raised Methodist, but haven't attended church in a while. I guess you could say my religion has been something just between me and God -- I miss being involved in a church community, but the main thing that drove me away was that so many people were judgmental about anyone different from them.

My fiancé and I are planning to visit our local ward , but aall of the reading I've done online (on both pro and anti-mormon sites), I've got a big question that concerns me on two levels. I'm in my early 40s and have never been married, no kids. While I love my soon-to-be stepdaughter, who spends every other weekend with us, we do not plan to have children of our own. The LDS seems very family-centric, and as children aren't really a part of our daily lives, I'm wondering if there is a comfortable place for me within the church?

At the personal level, I wonder if I will "fit in," especially with women in the church. Are the lessons an activities for women (relief society, etc) geared mostly around children and families? Am I going to feel like the odd person out at every event? I posed a similar question to the chat representative on Mormon.org a few days ago, and her answer bothered me a lot -- she said that she knew women in their 40s in the church who "weren't even married,", but that they were spiritually fulfilled because the Heavenly Father loves them and they were happy even though they "aren't like other people." Yikes! way to make me afraid I'll be seen as a weirdo before i even set my foot in the door!

At the spiritual level, I know that having children is considered a covenant. But the truth is, I've never really wanted children of my own. I like kids and come from a very loving and supportive family, but I've never in my life felt that it was something I wanted to do, or that my life has been unfulfilled without kids. Given that I'm on the edge of being too old, and that it would be physically very risky to have kids at this point, I think most people would assume that I can't have them, and I might not be questioned too closely, but if I were younger, how would my choice be viewed by church leadership?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

You will not be the only woman in the church who doesn't have children. I would like to apologize for the response you got. You ran into something very important. Church members are just like other people in that they can be unthinking sometimes.

Families are very important in the church. There will be couples in your age group who don't have children at home. Anyone can find a place to fit in within the church if they want to find one. Most people in the church are kind and caring and will make you feel welcome. But members of the church aren't different just because they are LDS. Those who are different are different because they follow Christ. You will find people at many different levels of belief and activity.

The RS lessons are the same as the Priesthood lessons. This year we are studying from the Gospel Principles manual.

[Julygirl]

Welcome Stephanie. I'm new here too. I converted to the church 17 years ago, and still struggle with it. There's a saying, the church is true, some of the people are not. Go to church, investigate, you will feel the spirit. Don't worry about not having children. A close friend of mine is married, she just turned 40, and they chose not to have kids. They are both very active in the church. If the members are truely trying to be "Christ like" they will love and accept you for who you are. I feel the church is the true church. (I just have my own personal issues) That is why I'm inactive right now. We have a temple close by that has a visitor center. I'm not sure if there's one close to you. That is a awsome place to visit, and get anserws to your questions. Missionaries are always there, and the show the best movies to help you understand the church better. Plus, you can deffently feel the spirit. Hang in there. You will know whats right for you. ((Hugs))