Troubles with In-laws~

[Dove]

Hello, IamMe;

Thanks so much for responding with your experiences. Sorry it took so long to respond as I just found that you had written this.

I really have no hope of getting along with my in laws in the immediate family. The first 3 years of my marriage I really did try, to no avail. Now, I just go to please my husband and try to focus on the people at the parties who are friendly and welcoming to me. Save for a fight with my MIL a few years ago, I have done nothing to be rude or unkind. Except for being cold and distant at times with people who have said things against my family in general.....

I had a therapist give me an interesting piece of advice concerning this situation. He said that even if I do try and make up with the whole family and do everything I can to make it better; that they will not change. They won't unless they see they have a problem and truly want to.

So, it is what it is. I am so glad to be learning humility and to see myself as my biggest problem; no one else. It is a painful and difficult experience to be around my in laws. But, I am making changes in my life to enhance my own happiness. This helps me not to care so much about how they treat me. I feel a lot more indifferent towards them and fulfilled in myself.

Dove

[IamMe]

Dove,

Your therapist is most likely right. Looking back, I can see how hard I tried to make these people like me. Nothing worked, and I probably should have put my foot down long before I did.

I feel very guilty about the way things ended with my MIL. Deep down I know it really wasn't anything I did, and there's nothing I probably could've done to make things any better. I believe I tried everything I could. It still doesn't ease the guilt I feel, we really can be a much harder judge on ourselves than anyone else. I realize it's not my fault that they had things happening in their lives when I decided enough was enough, had I known, I probably would've kept my mouth shut for a while longer, but I didn't know.

Since she passed things have gotten a lot better. His father has bought a condo here in town so he's able to come more often to see the grand kids, and there hasn't been any issues so far. He comes in, he treats all the grand kids the same, he isn't disrespectful, so far so good. He does own another house as well, so he also isn't here all the time, which probably helps. We even managed to go away on a weekend vacation with his father & sister over new years eve without any issues. I see an effort at least on his part. I pray it stays that way.