Guest lds_mother_and_wife Posted October 1, 2012 Report Share Posted October 1, 2012 I will be praying for you and your husband. I agree with all the posts here. If you want to save your marriage then you need to confront him and HELP him get over this problem. Regardless of who is at fault, these things happen when there is discord in the marriage. The first thing you and your husband have to do is fix whatever is keeping you both from being connected. I have been in your husband's shoes. I was the one who started to look elsewhere for something. My husband and I became emotionally disconnected after we had marital problems, I wanted more children, he didn't, and without my full support got a vasectomy. I was devastated and hurt. I started having an attraction to another man who seemed to me to have everything my husband was lacking. The worst part about it was that this man was (is still) in my ward, we worked together in our callings and often made me feel special. Getting over my attraction to this other man has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do (after 2 years of dealing with it am still not 100% over it, even with counseling). But my husband has been super supportive of me and has worked hard to do his part to fix our marriage. Even though there is nothing we can do now about the size of our family, my husband and I have worked hard to overcome our disharmony. I can tell you from experience that it is hard to not want this "connection" you feel with someone else when you don't feel it from your spouse. Like I said before, it is the hardest thing I've ever had to overcome. A few years ago, (before my problem), I had a family member who had a problem with porn and overcoming it. I kept saying to him, "why don't you just stop". I never understood the hold it had on him. Now that I've had this problem, I understand that we are all going to have different tests and difficulties to overcome that might seem like no-brainers to others. I can really say that my husband's support has really made a difference to me. It hurt him deeply to learn of my problem, but he has continued to love me and not judge me. I feel his trust in me again. Pray for your husband, help him, love him and forgive him. Give him a chance to change. This may be the hardest thing you both will ever have to overcome, but if the desire is there, you can do it. It may take some time, but there is hope. I know our Savior's atonement covers your sorrow and your husband's sin. Allow the attonement to work in your life. I wish you all the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tat88 Posted October 10, 2012 Report Share Posted October 10, 2012 This is a subject that i have been looking at for awhile now. My wife has a friend that has always been in the picture and she has many male friends which I generally have no issue with. She just started to deal with some major abuse issues from her past in the last couple years this has caused a lot of stress and I know shhe needs a lot of support in that regard. I just found out that she texted this friend ( in another city) over 1000 times last month. the texts have generally run most days from morning till night and I am 99% sure they are just a casual nature. I have spoken with her about this and she said she never thought of it being an issue and that she would stop. She was worried about losing a friend and could not see the difference between her other friends. Her next top texting companion is me at 250 times last month. I know that the reliving and healing of the abuse has caused alot of stress for her and I dont want to add to this. I am very uncomfortable with it and worry that thing could develop into an emaotional connection ( not worried about physical) We have talked more and I said it would be ok if she texts him more in line with her other friends but that just doesnt seem to be happening. She has cut the voulume down but he is still her # 1 texter and she does miss a day or two without texts but it can be all day as well. I have no female friends or anyone I can talk to to get the other side perspective to this and want to make sure I do not impede any healing she needs to do on the abuse side. We are both converts be she is totally inactive and feels happier when she does not attend church. Thanks for any input Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovingwife Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 I want to thank you all for your advice and support. It's been a couple of months now and I must say we are definitely on a path of forgiveness and love. He has stopped contacting her and has really shown me that he values our marriage and wants to improve. I know our Father in Heaven has had His hand in helping us save our marriage and find the way to become close again. I've never been one to make rash decisions and I'm thankful for that. I love my husband dearly and I knew deep down that he loved me very much too. The pain is gone...seriously, gone. The hurt and devastation I once felt have been replaced with even more love then before. I know that because we were BOTH willing to work hard to get through this difficulty we were blessed with the love of God in our hearts. Thank you all....you were there for me when I needed someone to listen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SquidMom Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hardtoguess Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) Yeah, on these emotional affairs business, ladies, you gotta kick these dudes out. You are dealing with boys in mens bodies. This is not the behavior of grown men, but little boys. One "emotional affair" means luggage on the lawn. If he begs you to take him back then after a trial period you can think about it, but boy oh boy make him earn it and make him pay. The only way to deal with boys, these kinds of boys is punishment, it's all they understand. But really question why you're with a boy. If he's not that persistent he's just not that into you. Some of you can be psycho about jealousy, and so if you have jealousy issues you really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, say with a counselor, but other than that, emotional affair means luggage on the lawn. Do it for your sisters, do it for daughters, do it for your country I don't really care but just do it. This is total nonsense. I understand it hurts, I sympathize, I really do, but you have to respect yourself. Edited November 13, 2012 by hardtoguess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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