depress

[Lainee82]

Hello everyone, I'm really depress right now and need some advice for my marriage. I have been married for over 7 years and have 3 beautiful children.. Last week my husband went to get a foot massage. He came home and cried to me and said he did something really bad. He said the lady did his foot massage put her hand inside his pants and he didn't say anything. He said she play with his private part for while. He felt terrible for doing that. I was in shock. My husband is a good father and husband. I have never thought something like this will happen. He has always been faithful to me. And so did I. We both come from broken family. And the reason my parents and his parents got divorce is because one of them were unfaithful to the other. I have never thought I will have to face this in my marriage. I could not eat or sleep for the last 3 days. I could not talk to anyone. I don't want to tell my mother because she will be worry for me. I can't talk to his mom because I love her and she has already been through that and to her we are one happy family. I don't want to make her sad either. My husband and I have not gone on a date for 3 or 4 months. I have been talking to him about we need to spend time together but he keeps on putting it off. He said he loves me but I feel like he does not. He fasted and talked with the Bishop about what happened. We have been going to Thai ward in Bangkok and we have been doing family home evening with the young single adults in the ward because all of them are only member in their family. We talked about it last night and I said let's just do it once a month and he asked why not at least twice a month. I got mad and not talking to him. I thought after what happened he would want to spend more time with me to make it up to me, to make me know that he does love me. But he got mad and said he wants to do twice a month because he wants to serve. Is it me being selfish ? I thought family is the most important thing and right now my family is not doing well and is it wrong of me to ask him to be with the family. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck here in Thailand with nobody to talk to. I just feel so lonely and unloved. Please pray for me and give me some advice. Thanks so much, Lainee

[Windseeker]

Welcome Lainee,

I'm sorry this happened to you. My ex-wife who is Thai left me with 4 beautiful kids. I'm now remarried but I remember how painful it was to go thru my wife being unfaithful. I was able to forgive her many times but after she made no effort to change, increase in dishonesty, and refusing counseling and leaving us I finally felt in order to provide a good life for the kids I would need to get a divorce. It was a difficult decision.

I think you have valid concerns about your relationship. Dating and spending time with each other is vital to having a healthy relationship. Have you discussed this with your Bishop? I would recommend counseling as well.

Here is some quick advice. In the gospel our marriage is a triagle with the savior on the top and you and your husband on either side of the bottom of the triangle. As you both grow closer to the Savior you grow closer to each other. Telling your husband to limit his service is sending him a mixed message I think. He sounds remorseful and repentant and is trying to change. He may view this as more a spiritual problem then a problem with his marriage. Perhaps if you support his growth toward the savior he will realize that he needs to work on your marriage. Is there a way you can help him increase his service and also increase your time together?

[Misshalfway]

I couldn't have said it better, Windseeker.

Sorry this is happening to you, Lainee. I'd be devastated if this happened to me. You must feel so isolated especially when you see him moving away from you in his attempt to fix it. It's like you get the short end no matter what.

I wonder if he has to work it out inside himself before he can even see your pain. I see that happen sometimes. I think that really means that dealing with the pain he's caused you is the harder thing to do.

I agree that getting support from a bishop could help. Perhaps the bishop can help your husband see that he is adding to the pain he has caused by ignoring your pleas for closeness.

Lean on the spirit. The spirit will direct and strengthen you. In my experience, God always sends me what I need whether it's a friend, or some important advice, or whether it's just a strengthening within myself to deal with things.

Blessings to you. Again, I'm so sorry you've found yourself in these circumstances.

[Lainee82]

Thank you so much for your advice Windseeker and Misshalfway. I talked with the Bishop and he will meet with us this coming Sunday. I think you both were right. He is trying to fix it and he told me that it is so embarrassing to him. He said he is disgusted at himself and I should be too. I told him I'm disappointed in him but I'm not disgusted at him. I told him I forgive him but I need sometime to be heal. I have been trying to put the smile on my face so that he doesn't keep on punishing himself for making me like that. It is so hard. I did read the book of Mormon and prayed a lot. I did feel comfort and love from Heavenly Father for me. I know we will work things out. I love him so much and I will try my best to keep my marriage. I know he loves me a lot too.

Thank you again for your advice. It does make me feel better to be able to talk to someone about my problem.

Lainee