Odd Feeling

[DevtheWind]

For some odd reason, whenever I begin to self-loathe, I get this weird feeling in my heart. But it doesn't feel bad, like, it doesn't emotionally hurt myself, it actually feels really good to hate myself and crush my insides and my feelings, but I don't know why. Does anyone know what this is called? Or does it even have a name?

[Guest SquidMom]

I know that feeling. Don't have a name for it, either. I think it's relieving sometimes to be numb inside. I think the self- loathing leads to just not carng. About yourself, or anything. It's actually a very selfish feeling because it's so much easier at times not to care about anything. If nothing really matters, you don't have to worry about it, do you?

I think 'derpession' might cover it?

[Guest]

Sounds like some kind of masochism. As was said in the other thread, you really ought to be seeking professional help. These are not normal or healthy things.

[DevtheWind]

Sounds like some kind of masochism. As was said in the other thread, you really ought to be seeking professional help. These are not normal or healthy things.

I really, really don't think it's a form of masochism... I definitely don't receive any form of sexual pleasure/gratification when I self-loathe... I attack my inner feelings of happiness, dreams, and hopes, and it somehow feels good. As for professional help, I really don't like talking to people about this, even strangers. I tried to explain to my parents, my mom is a medical nurse for heaven's sake, and she didn't even understand. I agree it probably is not healthy, especially cutting myself, but it helps a lot to cope and to take control of my pain.

Edited October 31, 2012 by DevtheWind

[skippy740]

To my understanding, a nurse treats symptoms of the body.

You need treatment for your mind.

It's like asking an auto mechanic for advice on your taxes. Sounds ludicrous, doesn't it?

BTW, you're talking to US about your pain... and we are strangers to you in real life.

Doctors are available, so seek one out. A psychologist/psyciatrist and tell them what's going on. They have training in mental disorders.

[skippy740]

I agree it probably is not healthy, especially cutting myself, but it helps a lot to cope and to take control of my pain.

Reminds me of a joke:

"Doctor, I have a pain in my side. Can you help me get rid of it?"

"Sure" (Doctor stamps his heel on his big toe.)

"What'd you do that for???"

"Still have that pain in your side?"

Self-coping your pain with new pain is not healthy. It's like dealing with debt by spending more money. It doesn't make logical sense.

Once you see this, you will want to get help to break the cycle for yourself.

[Guest SquidMom]

First, let me say I'm not judging you, becuase I've been there. It still happens, sometimes. I refused the idea of counseling for the same reasons you stated. I eventually found that it's actually easier, for me, anyway, to talk to a complete stranger. They are not in a position to judge you, and you don't have to face them in your everyday life, which could feel awkward. It really does help.

I didn't used to know why I cut myself. After some therapy, I was able to realize that when I did this, I actually felt dead inside. The pain of the cut, seeing the blood, made me feel. It reminded me that yes, I was alive, and still capable of feeling something. I realize this may not apply to you, but maybe it's something to think about, anyway.

[Heber13]

Perhaps there are some things we are taught in our culture to be humble, and not puffed up.

So when we put ourselves down, it can feel like we are avoiding the sin of pride. But it is a twisted humility that is not healthy for us to do that, so the lasting effects are not a blessing to us, even if in the short term it may feel good to do that.

I think we can joke at ourselves, realize our weaknesses and acknowledge that, without breaking gospel teachings of loathing ourselves any more that it would be righteous to loath someone else.

It can be healthy to practice positive self-talk, and just make sure it is balanced so it does not go into pride, or swing the extreme the other way of being hate.