am I worthy?

[kevieb]

I'm concerned about time to renew my temple recommend coming up in February. My concern is whether or not i really support my local leaders. In the past, I had worried about this same thing because i was so mad that my son was not allowed to take seminary because he could not be there every time--he had had some problems and needed to be in early morning seminary--but it conflicted with his drama class for a little while because they had early morning practice. I didn't care if he couldn't graduate from missing too many classes---I just wanted him there when he could be. our stake president was the seminary president. I was so angry at him!!!

I finally was able to separate him as seminary president from him as stake president. I had a good talk with him and told him i owed him an apology---he had no idea what I was talking about! I still think he was wrong about not letting my son be in seminary whenever he could---but I realized that was not the stke president talking--it was the seminary president talking.

My problem now is a little more difficult. My hubby and I have been struggling--oit took a long time to get help. My bishop has been good aboput visiting with me on a fairly regular basis---but my husband has some negative feelings---and I can understand why he does because of what I have heard the bishop say---I'm not sure if that means I don't support him.

My husband was released from a calling immediately after there had been a problem (scouts) They said it had nothing to do with the problem, but my husband broke down---rare for him--and has struggled with wanting to go to church since--he still thinks he was released because of the problem.

I have a problem with one of the counselors--after my husband was released, they tried to get him to teach a Sunday school class--he would not give an answer--said all he had done since we moved in was taught--the counselor told him that if he didn't take that job---the only thing left was the nursery---my husband told him to put him in the nursery. Of course the counselor wasn't serious---either he was trying to pressure my husband, or he was trying to be funny, thinking my husband would hate the nursery.

My husband asked me if I would be willing to team teach with him---since I had been wanting to be able to go to sunday school with him, I was willing to do it---I asked if he would make me teach all the time--he assured me he would do his part---he is a better teacher than me, anyway.

The following sunday the same counselor had my husband in the clerks office, with the clerk in there and the hall door open while he was asking my husband if he would take the job---I walked past the open door and overheard the counselor asking my husband if I was willing to teach with him-----I quickly walked away figuring it wasn't my business to overhear. No decision had been made when my husband was finished talking to the counselor. My husband was never called back to see if he would take the job or told whether or not I could team teach with him or told that they were no longer extending the call to him.

A few weeks later another couple was sustained to team teach the sunday school class they had asked my husband to teach--and he had asked if i could team teach with him!!??

When I heard about the new sunday school program--I was really excited about it--and wished I could be a part of it. Our son is in that sunday school class. I play the piano in relief society--but I was willing to have two jobs if it meant keeping my husband at church and letting us be together for sunday school.

I later asked the bishop why they wouldn't let my hubby and I teach together--he said he would have to ask the counselor. When i asked the bishop again--he said there had been the concern that my husband would make me do everything---no one ever asked me how I felt about it. Also, I thought all callings had to go through the bishop--and he knew how badly I wanted to go to sunday school with my husband------am I misunderstanding how callings work?

I complained to the bishop about the way the counselor had handled things both times he spoke with my husband--i know we don't intimidate people or make jokes about the nursery to get them to do a job---i also know all callings are to be done privately. The bishop at first said it wasn't appropriate--but later he seemed to make excuses for the counselor saying he just didn't think about the fact that the clerk was in the room (what about the door to the hall open?) My husband tells me that the counselor treats him differently now--he used to be more friendly---and he blames it on me for telling the bishop what the counselor did.

I see it as a lost opportunity for my husband and I to work together and study church lessons and scriptures together and to be in sunday school together.

I have some negative feelings here and don't know how to get rid of them. I am afraid this will make me unworthy for a recommend. How do i get over this---especially since my husband doesn't go to church with us anymore--he showes up during sunday school and cleans the chapel, then we sit by the door and he leaves as fast as he can.

Any advice?

[Guest]

My advice is to pray really hard to have a softened heart and the ability to sustain your leaders even when they don't do things the way you want them to.

[skippy740]

What is your definition of "support"?

Does it mean that you're always supposed to have good, positive feelings for them?

I recommend that you look up the word 'sustain' in the dictionary and ask yourself if you sustain your leaders.

Supporting and sustaining are two different things. They may sound similar, but:

"The difference between a similar word and the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -Mark Twain

[kevieb]

sustain means to strengthen or support physically or mentally---i could do either one of those things for someone who came to me and needed it---even if I didn't like them---and I don't dislike any of my leaders---I just have some negative feelings towards them about certain things--not about everything. I also think I would be willing to do what they ask if it is reasonable and i am physically and mentally able.

I had a stake president tell me years ago that I had an overly developed sense of guilt. I guess i feel like i should never have negative feelings about my leaders or somehow it makes me a bad person.

[ruthiechan]

It sounds like you are a-ok then. :)