New here, looking for advice ?

[Momofmonkeys]

I am a member of the LDS Church, a convert from over 16 years ago. My husband of 20 years is a lifelong member, and we were sealed 14 years ago, after our third child was born. My best friend is also a convert, and we have so much in common. I'm here looking for advice, answers, not sure where to turn. Our oldest children have graduated from high school and are starting on their lives. My son is now in the USAF, and has no thoughts of marriage right now, and is starting his career, my best friends daughter has fallen in love with a returned missionary and they have gotten engaged. Now, I love her, and support her wish to be married, but her parents have requested that they wait till May. Her father cannot request time off till then, and it gives them time to plan, save money for a dress, etc. Well, they said that they (the couple) prayed about this, and January is the time. The fiancé never asked the father permission to wed in the beginning, and now the mother and daughter are not even speaking. She (the daughter) has been spinning the truth some what, that other women in the ward have altered her gown, and are throwing her a bridal shower without an invite to mom. I love them so much, that I don't know where to turn. Do I go to the bishop? I am one of the very few that has seen both sides. I know what is in each of their hearts, but how can I stand by and watch this couple start their lives off together, without her parents there. They spent christmas apart. This is heartbreaking! How can they go to the Temple with such anger.

[skalenfehl]

Kinda hard to read one big paragraph. So neither of the young couple is related to you. They have made their decision based on what they say is personal revelation. Sounds to me like everyone needs to learn charity. Don't make their problems your problems. Try to make peace where you can. Work out your own salvation. Just my two cents.

Edited December 30, 2012 by skalenfehl

[MormonMama]

It is not your place to go to the Bishop unless you are aware of something involving the bride and/or groom that would make them unworthy to enter the temple. And even then, I'm not sure it's your place to say anything.

You say you know both sides, but you really only know what both sides have told you. It seems to me that there is a lot more going on that what appears to be on the surface. Ultimately, it is the couple's decision as to when and where to have the wedding. If the bride is okay with not having her parents there (and not having mom at the shower), it seems to me that there are far deeper, longer-rooted issues here than you are aware of.

All you can do is be a supportive shoulder to cry on for your friend, nothing more.

[Momofmonkeys]

I guess my whole thought in going to the bishop was for help in trying to reunite them before their wedding. Yes we are not truly related, but they are family. I have been with them and they with us forever it seems. I am hurting for my friend because her daughter is leaving (believe me, letting my son grow up was hard, and I had many a night of my own pity party's) but I am also hurting for her daughter, this is supposed to be a joyous time for her, and look at this mess.

I guess I just feel so helpless and sad for all of them. The parents have tried twice to have a sit down with them, once in their home (they refused) and once at church (they never showed).

Such sadness in such a wonderful time in life.

[Momofmonkeys]

I guess my whole thought in going to the bishop was for help in trying to reunite them before their wedding. Yes we are not truly related, but they are family. I have been with them and they with us forever it seems. I am hurting for my friend because her daughter is leaving (believe me, letting my son grow up was hard, and I had many a night of my own pity party's) but I am also hurting for her daughter, this is supposed to be a joyous time for her, and look at this mess.

I guess I just feel so helpless and sad for all of them. The parents have tried twice to have a sit down with them, once in their home (they refused) and once at church (they never showed).

Such sadness in such a wonderful time in life.

[olytitan]

Are you really sure the new couple would be going to the temple with "anger"? They may not. They may just be making haste of what they feel they must do.

I can tell you one thing. Waiting even a couple of months once you know marriage is what you are going to do, makes temptation much worse and I've seen plenty of temple marriages put off and civil ones take place instead along with a year of waiting because of an engagement that was too long.

My husband and I met and really only dated for about 5 weeks and we were married 6 weeks later. We knew, and waiting wasn't practical. He would have to start a semester at school and wait for that to be over and we would continue a 100 mile somewhat "long distance" engagement, or else need to get married ASAP. The ASAP is what it took.

It may just be that the parents both need to learn for themselves that the children have gotten their own answer to what they need to do, and accept it. Hopefully though, they will get over the "not talking to each other" part and get along as they did before. Of course it will be sad for dad to not be able to be home for the wedding, but if it's what they need to do, what is important is that they are married in the temple as intended without other complications.