Daycare?

[mbsheen]

Thought's on daycare please? I'm struggling with my son who is two this may, I wanted so much to be that stay at home mum. But it's too hard to handle - stuck inside, doing the SAME OLD BORING outdoor activities. I have a 4 week old girl too, but I feel like it will be good for him to be around other children. I would still have him most days and nurture him as i always have. But i feel guilty for some reason. Tired of tantrums & bad behaviour. Tried different discipline and he just has stopped listening to me all together. HELP!

[Guest ldsashley]

As a mom, do what you have to do, and what's right for your family. No one can tell you it's wrong, and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. I think as moms we feel guilty when reality isn't the same as our expectations, but the truth is, it rarely ever is!

I wrote a blog post about working moms and SAHM a few months ago, maybe what I wrote there could help you. Being a mother – at home AND at work | Thoughts of an everyday mom

Remember, this is temporary too. He won't always be a 2 year old, and you won't always have an infant to care for at the same time. However you decide to handle this, it doesn't have to be forever (unless it works and you want it to continue).

[Guest]

I agree with ldsashley on daycare.

With that said, I think your problem can be addressed without daycare. I went through this same phase - my oldest just turned 2 when the baby was born. This 2-year-old phase is an interesting one because he is at that age where he is a little more indpendent and starting to get inquisitive. But then he finds himself having to compete for attention with a newborn. Sending him to daycare may not solve this disciplinary issue. What I did to address this problem is to give my 2-year-old "important" tasks that involves the care of the baby. For example - I give him the responsibility to hand me the diaper/wipes when I change the baby's diaper. Or I give him the responsibility of checking the water temperature when I give the baby a bath. Or push the stroller when we're walking around, etc. It made my 2 year old feel important and at the same it kept him stuck to my side so I didn't have to constantly run after him when I'm taking care of the baby.

Also, when I went through this phase, I had Post-partum for over 3 months after the baby was born so it made it three times as hard to get up in the morning to go through the care of 2 children. I was prepared for this already because I went through a really bad PPD phase with the first child. But even knowing to prepare for it (I decided to go the Tom Cruise way and go meds free), it was still difficult. I just kept thinking to myself - this too shall pass. What helped with this is going on walks. Getting as much exercise and sunlight as possible. I did not wait until the baby got a little older to take him out. I have a holistic pediatrician and we went through proper nutrition for me (since I was breast feeding) to keep me and my baby's immune system strong.

I had a Baby Bjorn that I got from my first child's baby shower and that was an awesome piece of equipment. I would just strap the baby into it and do everything with him hanging off of me like he was still in my tummy. I would go to the mall and go walking around, go to the park, go everywhere.

With the first born, I carried this giant baby bag that had everything but the kitchen sink in it everytime I go out. It was a big production to just pack up to go to the grocery! But, the 2nd child... I can get up and out of the house with a diaper in one hand and wipes in the other hand and a small blanket (that I used for everything - blanket, burpee, cover-up etc.) slung over one shoulder.

But then, when I had my first child, I took him to watch an NFL game at the stadium when he was only 5 weeks old. So yeah, I never heeded the keep-him-home advice. Not that I would advice anybody to do what I did... it has risks involved.

And one more thing - I went back to work when my first born was only 6 weeks old. So I dropped him off at daycare and went to work. Yes, the guilty feelings stayed with me so much so that I would be at work and I would just burst out crying in the middle of a meeting. Yes, the PPD also contributed to that. I was able to get a stay-at-home job when my 2nd one was born so I didn't have to go through the daycare route.

Don't know if this helps but thought I'd share. Just remember, this too shall pass.

Edited April 12, 2013 by anatess

[applepansy]

I am a stay at home Grandma (primary caregiver to my grandson for the last 3-1/2 years....he's 5 now.). But I was a working Mom. I didn't work because we wanted a boat or fancy vacations, I worked because we needed the money for necessities, but I have to be honest and say there were times when I was happy to work because raising boys can be hard. I have three boys ... all about 3 years apart (then my last baby was a girl). Boys are hard! They are very physical. Boys get easier when they get older. Girls are easier when they are younger but get harder around puberty. At least that's my experience. My Aunts, Grandmother, other women I've known have felt the same. Others might have a different experience.

Sometimes I feel guilty about feeling it was easier to work. My kids needed me home and I didn't have enough faith to make it work. I'm still working on those feelings and my baby is 25 yo.

I agree with ldsashley and anatess that 1st its your decision and 2nd don't feel guilty about it!

Two year olds are hard. That's why they call it the terrible twos. Having said that, personally I'd rather have TEN 2yos than teenagers again.

I understand your frustration. I understand the cabin fever feelings. There are solutions. Find all your options and then prayerfully make a decision. Then don't look back. Kids with stay-at-home moms turn out great and kids with working moms turn out great.

Some solutions might be stay at home but do a daycare/preschool two days a week. This will give you a break and will give your child the play time activities he needs to learn social skills. It will also help him appreciate mom and home and it will give you some one-on-one time with your newborn. Another solution might be to find other young mothers in area and trade play dates/babysitting with them. This will give you the support you need from other mothers and it will give you the break you need.

For me looking back, I wish I hadn't worked as much. Maybe part time, but definitely not what I did. The biggest reason is my kids needed me home more. The secondary reason is that I ruined my health thinking I could do everything. Nobody (fathers or mothers) can do it all. That's why ideally there needs to be two parents.

If you decide to do daycare. Do your research!!!!! A caring caregiver is the most important thing to consider. There were two times I thought I had a caring caregiver for my kids only to find out months down the road that it wasn't a good situation. Those are the times I wish I could go back and do over more than anything, but I can't. I try to not feel guilty about it.

One last thing, you are 4 weeks post partum. Anatess brings up a good thing to consider which is post partum depression. PPD will make it harder to deal with a 2yo. Talk to your doctor.

I wish you all the best in your decisions. Remember ... try not to feel guilty about your decisions.