To be alone or to not be alone...

[Lakumi]

In my adult years I have become much more recluse then I was as a teenager (mostly I think due to how awful high school was). It used to upset me greatly, and I'd try everything to make friends and such... And none of it worked so I withdrew and these days I am perfectly fine with it.

I don't often leave the house to go anywhere (except work when I have a job) or the solitude of nature.

Nowadays I can't see myself any other way. I just feel... I donno incapable of understanding people (there are diagnosed reasons for that but I don't like to talk about them)...

I donno if its normal to be like this, I feel... normal (enough) and tell people not everyone is meant to be paired up or have a wild social life.

Sometimes, I do wonder, if things had gone differently how I'd be today...

Is it them, or me... or both, or neither.

[Dravin]

Based on the reference to a diagnosed reason for making you incapable of understanding people I'm gonna guess some sort of disorder and answer, no, it's not normal to feel that way. I'm using normal in the sense of usual, most people don't have diagnosed reasons that make them incapable of understanding people.

[RipplecutBuddha]

I've been quite similar with the exception of total solitude. I've never had more than eight or nine close friends at a time, but total isolation is just too quiet and potentially depressing as a long-term status. Of course there are times I want to be alone with my thoughts, to enjoy my own company. I would say it's more than half of my day, typically, that I spend by myself for whatever reason. But on the whole, I do like being a part of a society. Not a major, or even heavily involved part, but in my own place with people I know and trust. Beyond that, the rest of the world can do as it pleases.

If you have had a condition professionally diagnosed, I wouldn't advise ignoring it. Our mental health has a real link to our physical health in many ways. No need to become a social butterfly, but a few friends, even on a casual level, will help out greatly.

[Lakumi]

I don't ignore it, not by a long shot, I just don't like talking about it

Aspergers I know isn't "normal" and I feel embarassed even saying the word.

I've never had any close friends, I've had a few friendss here and there, but a friend I could say is a true friend and would help me in a dire situation, no I don't have any of those.

[ElectofGod]

I don't ignore it, not by a long shot, I just don't like talking about it

Aspergers I know isn't "normal" and I feel embarassed even saying the word.

I've never had any close friends, I've had a few friendss here and there, but a friend I could say is a true friend and would help me in a dire situation, no I don't have any of those.

I never really had any real friends. I was fortunate to have 2 growing up. I HATED high shcool to. I felt alone quite often. Weekends I spent a lot alone because I didn't now anyone. Its the culture now of days. There are people like you out there. The problem is they also just stay in doors. I am more social now that I am out of high school though but partly due to my mission I served.

You ALWAYS have one friend and that is Jesus Christ. Find him, ask him for guidance. Look to him and he will help you. Follow him. Even ask God for a friend here on earth .

[Lakumi]

I never really had any real friends. I was fortunate to have 2 growing up. I HATED high shcool to. I felt alone quite often. Weekends I spent a lot alone because I didn't now anyone. Its the culture now of days. There are people like you out there. The problem is they also just stay in doors. I am more social now that I am out of high school though but partly due to my mission I served.

You ALWAYS have one friend and that is Jesus Christ. Find him, ask him for guidance. Look to him and he will help you. Follow him. Even ask God for a friend here on earth .

prayer is not something I have done in many years, wouldn't hurt to try

[Lakumi]

Waking up I feel is my weakest time...dreams effect emotions so much and it seems to be the main time I feel alone...usually the lack of female companionship

Women have made it very clear to me how undesirable I am, so at least I know the why.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Just because some females have expressed their disinterest in you do does not mean you should build your self esteem on that. Then again, who am I to say that, given that these days, I only leave my apartment for work, shopping or random adventures. I spend long hours alone with my thoughts and have realized, the more time I spend alone, the less confidence in myself I have, as I slowly lose that social connection with people. Friends and family have moved on and I am hesitant to make new ones, as I prefer to believe my issues can be sorted out within myself, even while knowing its not working.

Believe me, I know the effect of someones thoughtless opinions on another's self esteem. I chased a woman for four years, who was my best friend, who knew nearly everything about me and we depended on each other, but sadly, I let my self esteem be affected by her volatile nature and inconsiderate comments, so I have become even more reclusive than I was before the army.

You are better than their opinions, as I doubt they really know who you are and generally express their own fears in a brutal way. That being said, there is nothing stopping you from being who you are, but the thought of someone holding that much power over you.

[Lakumi]

I try not to, its hard... with that and the lack of proper social skills (aspergers is my curse in life) I see it as there's nothing I can do.

I don't enjoy talking about my sorrows and such, but sometimes it needs to be said, the true hopelessness of it all, I need to say it, as for it not to consume me.

[Roseslipper]

Hi Lakumi, Aspergers is not a curse at all, its your trail, we all have them some are just more noticeable then others. We all have hang ups, issues, maybe even skyness too, but I believe its best to try to over come them. Believe it or not we all need each other and the ones that dont know that will someday realize that it is true. No one is better then you Lakumin, no ones better then me, but where no better then anyone either. We all have something to give to the world, were all unique, were all special, and we all need to make our mark on the world and on others, we do need the social part of our lives, we do need people, and good friends. I'm sure theirs a wonderful woman out there for you as well. Dont let the negative things that people say about you hurt you,(they just dont understand). Wishing you much happiness.

[Lakumi]

Thanks, today I donno was a bad day for... no real reason...

Maybe I still look at my dreams too closely, its not something you can just stop doing once you have been going for so many years

[Mahone]

...(aspergers is my curse in life)...

Why?

Those of us with AS tend to have a different mindset to most NT people. This mindset isn't "wrong", just a different perspective on life. Usually the perspective of AS is more logical/analytical and less emotional when compared to that of NT, this can cause some social interaction issues.

You're probably of above average intelligence (statistically most AS are), you likely have a limited scope of interests, but those interests that you do have are strong and you're probably very good with them. Work to your strengths, and you'll make something of yourself.

And stop talking and thinking about aspergers as if it's something to be ashamed of - it's not. The sooner you realise that, the better.

[Lakumi]

those are some terms I have not heard in some time.

only the writing methinks will bring any success, my little pony or ball jointed dolls much less

[mtman318]

I second what Mahone said. Also, have you heard of Temple Grandin? She's a great inspiration on how to find your strengths and use them, particularly with someone diagnosed with any form of autism.