SoVerySad Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Oh will someone help me. My husband has/ had porn addiction. He went thru the bishop etc was disfellowshipped etc. recently he was diagnosed with a fatal disease. We went on a mission & I discovered he NEVER really quit his addiction. Well the Issue is I need/ want to forgive him. I am praying I can do that. I do not have time to do this " slowly". Do I just say the words and continue to work on this after he passes! How will I know I have forgiven him. You all know the hurt the years of with holding meaningful sexual attention with some excuse that was really because of his own gratification. I am hurt, I guess I am still mad, but would like to really forgive him face to face. After 25 years of deception and hurt how do I do this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluedreams Posted June 9, 2013 Report Share Posted June 9, 2013 I'm no expert on just about anything you've mentioned. Never have had to forgive something like that. So take this as you will. From my experiences of learning forgiveness, 3 things help. - recognize the need and study by faith. For me I realized holding on to anger was doing me more hurt than it was actually worth. I was gaining literally nothing from it. I started studying the atonement a lot. Who did Christ die for?....this person that I'm struggling to forgive - Which leads to 2: see him as honestly as you can as God does. Go beyond just simply son of God and ask what does that actually mean. - Realize you can't do it by yourself. That hurt is healed by the One who loves us most. Forgiveness can be a beautiful means to learn the extent that God loves. I hope you find it. And it may take longer than you desire. But it'll be right whatever way the cards fall. Take care With luv, BD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetorian_Brow Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 Is your hurt worth more than his dying confessions? Is your time spent married as a couple, less meaningful than his habit? Are you aware of the extend of his gratification, or his methods? Or are you just reacting, due to surprise? Is his terminal illness upsetting you more than his honesty? You have been married for 25 years, that speaks for itself, even if all of a sudden you discovered something ugly. It seems to me that you are focusing all your distress at his illness, into his confessions and consider your plight more dire than his, regardless of your understanding of his ugly habit. If you want to forgive him, you have to think about him, rather than yourself. Focus on the positives of your relationship and the good memories, as it is no small thing to complete a mission together. I have noticed that there is a theme when pornography is confessed or discovered and that theme is to assume the worst of the individual, as there is no distinction made between the addict who views illegal and dangerous material and the casual observer. Our world is filled with pornography and some embrace it and some are hypocrites about it, believing that reading sordid material is more acceptable than viewing it. I have professed to viewing pornography on a regular and unhealthy basis, which tends to hinge on my emotional health, which condemns me to a lesser person in many an eye. I am an addict, so I can understand both sides of the perspectives, which leads me to conclude that if you want to forgive him, you need to understand why and that is why you are here. The only possible way to forgive him is to let yourself believe that his character has far more noble traits than a sudden death bed revelation. The fact that he professed to you, was to seek absolution from you, because he did not have to make the choice to tell you, as you did not know. Part of the reason he kept his silence is that I doubt you would understand the shame and overwhelming guilt that is associated with this addiction, some of it just and some it heaped unnecessarily as some sort of social punishment. Ask him for details and ask him why and listen! "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" “Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 We all sin.Skippy posted a link that you might find helpful. It can be found here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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