Maturing and changing on mission

[xEmilyx]

Hiya! :) I have a question about how much people change on missions. I'm not sure what people usually mean by this. How much do people mature on their missions?

I have a boyfriend that's on a mission and I've read that sometimes when their mission is over neither the boyfriend or girlfriend likes each other anymore because they've changed so much.

I'm not sure exactly what this might mean. have any personal experience or examples?

what changed about you or your significant other by the time you or they got back home? did your personality change?

I just would like some real life examples to understand this better. thanks!

:)

Edited July 5, 2013 by xEmilyx

[Anddenex]

Hiya! :) I have a question about how much people change on missions. I'm not sure what people usually mean by this. How much do people mature on their missions?

How much a person matures on their mission really depends on the missionary him/herself. There are missionaries who mature substantially, others just a little bit, and others don't change at all.

I have a boyfriend that's on a mission and I've read that sometimes when their mission is over neither the boyfriend or girlfriend likes each other anymore because they've changed so much.

Yes, this is correct. One of my first roommates, dated a girl before his mission, he returned home and they dated for a short time. The relationship ended.

Another one of my friends dated a young lady and he waited for her while she served a mission. She returned home and they married quickly after her return.

I just would like some real life examples to understand this better. thanks! :)

When you think upon the word "maturity" it implies growth. People, even the woman who is waiting for her missionary "matures" in one way or another. I remember, one of friend from school who I thought about dating. When I returned home from my mission, she was so different, and although she was a woman I would have dated before the mission, she wasn't someone I would have dated after the mission.

Growth equals: spiritual growth, obedience growth, knowledge growth, character growth, etc...

If a missionary returns home and they have grown spiritually, and the woman they dated didn't grow spiritually then the missionary may recognize, in the gospel (the most important aspect of LDS marriages) they are no longer the same. Would you want to marry someone who shares different goals than you do spiritually? I wouldn't.

What if the woman grew spiritually, because she knew he would grow, or thought he would grow, spiritually on his mission. Upon returning, she recognizes they also don't share common goals spiritually in raising children, or other aspects, i.e., church attendance, scripture study, testimony, etc..? She then has a choice, continue a relationship that already doesn't have the same goals spiritually, or end it?

My family has a close family relationship with another family. When their son returned home from his mission he ended up marrying the young woman he dated before the mission. Unfortunately, they ended in divorce. He had matured on his mission, she hadn't. She wanted to go party, she didn't want any kids, and she wasn't to enthused about church attendance. He didn't care about the party realm, he wanted kids, and his desire to provide for the family meant he was actively involved in school. They were two different people.

Thus it is wise even for a young woman who is waiting for a missionary, not to jump into marriage just because her boyfriend returns home. He may not be the same person, or he may be the same person, and you have changed. Your goals may be different.

Edited July 5, 2013 by Anddenex

[brycematheson]

Your question is kind of a tough one to answer, simply because each and every person is so different from another. I changed a great deal on my Mission. Did my personality change? Maybe a little bit. I think I grew up quite a bit on the Mission. Did my interests change? No, not really, aside from the fact that I was a lot more dedicated to my religion than I was before I left.

To me, it's pretty obvious that you're just worried about your boyfriend changing so much that when he gets home, he won't want to date you. My advice is to just let it go, and let whatever happens, happen. Two years is also a long time. I'm sure you love your boyfriend, but a year or so from now, you may be interested in someone else.

Just my two cents.

[tubaloth]

I agree with brycematheson. Each person changes differently.

One of my companions I was pretty sure was still listening to his old music, I think he even did something at night so his ear piercing wouldn't close in the two years. When I saw him at a mission reunion I don't really think the Mission changed him much at all. (I think he just went on a mission for his parents).

My Homecoming talk was about changing. Kind of the parallel of how I was trying to get people to have a change of heart, while everything was changing around me.

You can't expect your Boyfriend to be the same person when he comes back. He can't expect you to be the same person. You pretty much will have to start over to some degree. Now having a history before the mission does help. But you grow up on a mission, (you are kind of forced into). The same should happen to you. You will also need to grow up some, and grow more in the gospel.

[Quin]

It may help to know... It's not just missions. For those who go to college, join the military, take a gap year abroad... The same thing is true.

Heck, it's even true for 30s/40s/etc. Our experiences change us.

In our teens & twenties, though... Most of us are a lot more plastic.

Because we're just starting to learn who we are when no one is watching.

Q

[OldPort]

I agree with what has been stated so far. It is expected and normal for young men and women in the general age group to mature and grow.

Before I left on my mission my gf (now wife) and I agreed it would be best for her to date, grow, and have new experiences and we would see how things are and where we would be in 2 years.