Help My Marriage

[StrongMan]

So, how many pushups/pullups have you done so far today? How much weight have you lifted?

Go--get going on your own goals and what YOU want to do. That will be important regardless of what your wife decides.

The best way to develop confidence is to actually do hard things and accomplish something.

[StrongMan]

Unless your wife is age 20 or younger, if any communication online about sex happened before his 17th birthday, that is a "state jail" felony in Texas, and in most states. Arranging to meet is a 3rd degree felony, even if they never actually meet.

Texas Penal Code - Section 33.021. Online Solicitation Of A Minor - Texas Attorney Resources - Texas Laws

Doesn't matter if it's joking, just kidding, or if they never actually meet. The online activity itself is a crime.

Again--it's up to YOU, not bishop, not therapist, etc., whether you want to press charges and report. But, if your wife doesn't understand the seriousness, which so far she apparently does not, she may need a wakeup call that you not pressing charges is the only thing keeping her out of years of prison and a lifelong listing on the sex offenders registry.

Texas doesn't mess around with online stuff. Surely you've heard this story?

Texas Teen Is Jailed, Faces 8 Years in Prison for ‘Terroristic’ Joke on Facebook: ‘Lol’ | Video | TheBlaze.com

[WaterJim]

Wow Strong Man you know your stuff. Yes she does need a wake up call but I hope it does not come from Jail time. She does need to be humbled, I have just been praying she humbles herself. I am not sure how the facebook stuff would be retrieved, both parties deleted everything and her account is closed on Bishops advice. All I have is from the boys Dad which had him give a written account.

The night she told me everything, she did put me down physically as well as putting me down sexually. She let me know that I have started getting a belly and she is not attracted to me. Of course I gave up soda right away and have gone on a strict but healthy diet, fruit,veg, protiens, cutting out fats and most carbs. I have seen results pretty quickly, of course she does not mention it but it has made me feel a little better. I have started the next step and joined a gym, doing that a couple nights a week and doing crunches, push ups every night.

[StrongMan]

Good work. Don't worry about what she thinks. You're getting fit because you want to and feel better, not for her.

And remember your therapist and bishop are your helpers, not your dictators. You do what you feel is right. You call the shots.

[Elegreen]

The fact that your wife was sexually active at age 15 is a big tip off that there are major problems psychologically. She needs counselling, and you will too.

These types of problems are not easily overcome. Good luck.:)

I was going to say this same thing. When you grow up doing this with boys this age, your going to have an attraction to it more….. Also I guarantee the reason why she wasn't interested in sex while married is because its not as "exciting as it once was". …… I have girlfriend who is in the same boat (but she is just like your wife) and I have talked to her about her marriage for the past 5 years. She has kept things from her husband, under the radar, and it is just barely coming to the surface. The way she keeps her house, her mood all the time and sexuality with her husband quite similar. She was inactive before and made a 180degree change by getting sealed in the temple 8 months after living a complete different lifestyle. This huge lifestyle change is so hard on anyone, thus leading her (or anyone) to be depressed/unhappy with how their life is. Although, my friend would just continue to chug along, because its what "good LDS people do". It seems like girls get married in the temple at a young age or quickly, because this is what your supposed to do….its expected…. and you have blind faith in hope that things will work out. ( this is true for men too) Don't think that I am putting down faith, in fact its the one thing that gets me through each day, but god lets things like this happen. Its part of life. Don't let this experience effect your faith because you've been living righteously and life is not working out. There are many struggles in life, and your wife is dealing with them as well

Your experience is so heart breaking because I feel like I can relate. Just understand your wife's background. She probably just made a change in her life too quickly. She probably wanted to try to have another child because, "if you keep on chugging on in the marriage, things will work out…. with the attitude of "Im going to be faithful and hopeful" Her intentions were probably good and faithful being with you, but she probably just had a breaking point where she couldn't keep covering up her true self. This is what is happening to my friend, and I ache for her, but mostly her husband.

I am so sorry for your experience, if your wife has felt this way (loved you as a friend) from day one, then it might not change ( you and her would be the best judge). That is how I have felt about my husband, but we are still married, going strong for 5 years, and I am very unhappy at times. If she truly feels this way, I would recommend letting her go, but its a matter of how willing she is to work on it. Although given my circumstances I am a bit biased, so keep that in mind.

I would just recommend, logically thinking your situation out, making a pros and cons list, make a THOUGHT OUT LOGICAL DECISION, and then pray about the decision you are going to make. I have done this so many times in my marriage, it has been very helpful. Be prayerful for you …. and her. Good luck my friend!

- also remember that children are better off in a happy separated family than a unhappy/contentious family thats together. Kids can feel when their parents don't like each other.

Edited August 27, 2013 by Elegreen

[yjacket]

- also remember that children are better off in a happy separated family than a unhappy/contentious family thats together. Kids can feel when their parents don't like each other.

Marriage is hard work and can be filled with the highest highs and lowest lows. But I'm going to disagree here. Children might be better off in divorced families vs. married family if it is a highly contentious marriage, i.e. consistent fighting, arguing, yelling, etc.

http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf

In fact divorcing because of "unhappiness" could actually ingrain bad habits and attitudes in children; i.e. if I'm "unhappy" I should just quit.

In a large part "happiness" is self-defined and comes from the inside. Allowing others to define our "happiness" can actually lead us to be unhappy.

What is happiness? | This Emotional Life

IMO, happiness is tied to self-worth and self esteem. Self Esteem is gained by accomplishing things. Succeeding, overcoming trails, producing something produces feelings of self-worth, self-esteem and happiness.