Very disappointed

[Praetorian_Brow]

Yes, I understand that. Point well taken by the suicide pact notation, however, if people plan on staying married in the next life, then I wonder if that is really what is should be of sorts.

I was remarking on the distorted idea of how a marriage covenant is warped into self interest, regardless of the need for self defense. Self interest is necessary in order to pursue a relationship, but if each party holds the covenant with God and determines their actions based on their interpretation of what the other person should be doing, in my personal opinion, the point of a covenant held with God is missed by a wide margin.

I guess it was my self interest that made my posts more about the purpose of covenants, rather than the original posters intent for constructive advice and I offer many apologies for that.

[TalkativeIntrovert]

Not quite sure how to respond to all this!

My current position has come about over 16 years. It is not a knee jerk reaction to a single mistake. Any decision I make will not be made lightly.

Divorce is not an easy fix. It is heartbreaking and difficult. It is certainly not the first option. PB - if you had offered your advice 16 years ago I would agree with you (after much humble/humbling consideration no doubt :) ).

We have been through prayer, counselling, bishop advice, setting up weekly financial reviews, weekly couples discussion on where we are and where we are going. The accounts have been set in a way that he has no access to cash, other than a very generous weekly "pocket money". He gained access to the cash through theft.

To give an idea of the extent of the problem, we are in a huge amount of debt. I shop frugally for the family including 2nd hand shops for clothing, end of day bargains on food. I gave up things like hairdresser, beautician, makeup, etc - no big deal but an indication of the changes. Of course alcohol, smoking, drugs are out (he does drink though). Before giving up work I was earning $140,000+ a year, he was earning $80,000+ By any standards - we should be incredibly well off.

Fact is that my husband has made choices that are well outside the covenants and promises we made together. I was going to list them, but wont, as it is nitpicking.

My decision will be made on self preservation and more importantly preservation of our children - they come first. I would give up my eternal salvation for the sake of theirs.

In regards to tithing, I don't have a strong enough testimony of it to pay it rather than pay the bills and have the family go hungry and homeless (tithing on our income is substantial) .

I came from a poorer family where I had to work to pay for my own school books and uniforms - the parents income went on alcohol and gambling. I feel like I have married my family problems And no - there was no indication of this when we met.

To be honest, I don't want to spend eternity with a person that puts selfish wants above the needs and welfare of loved ones.

Perhaps I fit into the above statement as well - I am putting my selfish wants (secure financial position)above his (gambling). So be it.

Just thought dumping here.

I appreciate everyone commenting here. It makes me feel less alone. Everyone's opinions and experiences are valuable and I thank you all.

[mnn727]

Divorce is almost never easy but sometimes it IS the solution.

I wish you well.