Need Help finding Courage

[LDS123]

Hi everyone I just signed up because I need some help with I struggle I have. For the past 3 years I have struggled with the sin of masturbation. In those 3 years it has become a strong addiction. An addiction I have hated ever since I started.

The story of these past 3 years of my life have been complicated and difficult not only because of this addiction I am dealing with, but also because of other extreme trials my family and I have experienced.

I want to start off by telling you what I know and have learned from these experiences. I know that masturbation is bad and can be a serious sin (which it is in my case). I know that Heavenly father still loves me even though I sin. I know that I can repent and move on in my life. I know that trials make us stronger and the atonement can strengthen my testimony greatly. I know that this church is true and it always will be the one and only true source of joy and happiness in this life. I also know that my bishop can help me greatly deal with this addiction.

With that said I would like to tell you the reason I am writing this thread. I cannot find it in me to speak with my bishop and seek guidance. For some reason I am deathly afraid to speak with him. I am afraid of what he will think, what others may think, and what my consequences are. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but for some reason I do.

I have always been a very shy person and in no other time in my life have I had the need to speak with the bishop. I have always been the "good kid". I feel extremely guilty and ashamed that I have waited this long to finally try and see the bishop. Another reason I am completely filled with shame is because of all the things I have done to keep this sin a secret. I have taken and blessed the sacrament unworthily, and I have lied to many people including my family. Sometimes I can't believe that I have done these horrible things.

I know I am a good person and that I will do the right thing in the end. But I am in many ways afraid of not knowing who I am really and what I will become as I grow older. I am 17 and am facing big decisions in my life. I don't what fear to dictate everything I do. I what to do what feels right in my heart.

Writing this has really helped me see who I am and has helped me gain a little courage going into this meeting with my bishop. It is silly now reading what I just wrote because it just gives me more encouragement to see the bishop and to not be worried. Another thing

I know about myself is I know I can be really hard on myself and over think a lot of things. In this case I think that is a real weakness of mine that satan manipulates in order to get me to not speak to my bishop for 3 years.

Sorry for saying all of this at once. I know this is probably pretty overwhelming to read. I just needed to purge this stuff out because I haven't ever before.

Now what I want to ask you guys is what can I do to feel more courageous and in general better about talking to my bishop? What talks our Scriptures do you guys know of that can help me in my situation?

Sincerely,

LDS123

[Guest]

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/50650-pornography-sexual-sins-reference-quotes-talks.html

[Praetorian_Brow]

Been there.

I was near the same age as you when I went and spoke to the bishop. For weeks I fretted about his reaction, and worried about possible judgement. I used to think I was some terrible person because I wasn't following the commandments or the church doctrine to the letter. I even let the guilt consume my mind and figured the embarrassment of telling a church leader that I respected, that I touched myself in an intimate manner was more important than my spiritual receptive mind. Its sort of a strange thing to live a life thinking sex is this evil thing, then go tell a person that I did those things with myself.

Eventually, I realized that I needed help and I couldn't break the cycle myself. I realized that I was doing a disservice to others with my unrighteous behaviour. I had voluntarily stopped preparing and serving the sacrament months before I confessed, as I felt that it was wrong that I should serve unworthily, unfortunately, that had an opposite effect in that I felt that I could never be worthy and therefore, I started to avoid church.

The bishop is there to help you and believe me, they have heard it all before. When I finally blurted it out that I masturbated, the bishop just smiled with no judgement on his face and said that he was glad I was there to talk about it. It was a great feeling to have confessed, to have unloaded an ever increasing weight of guilt. He offered suggestions to me and wished me the best. I walked out with a vast feeling of relief that I was not as worthless as I had led myself to believe.

Just go to him, blurt it out and I promise you, it will help, because after all you understand the sanctity of church callings and understand that your inner peace has been compromised, which makes it difficult to be on the same wave length of the spirit.

Accepting that you need help is one of the first steps to recovery, which means that attending the addiction recovery classes will help you overcome yourself and increase your spiritual potential.

Edited September 10, 2013 by Praetorian_Brow

[Quin]

Just a note on Courage:

Courage doesn't mean not being afraid.

Courage means being afraid and doing the right thing, anyway.

No courage without fear.

So don't wait until you're not afraid.

Q

[anon20]

My excuse was that it would simply be easier later, like when I marry... ooo boy, no it is not. The important thing to remember is that while the social interactions we have in the church are almost necessary, they need not dictate what we think and do. Your bishop can help. If he doesn't, take it a step further. Its tough, but I wish in had the strength to do it when I was your age.

[Guest]

Wait anon, are you married or are you a missionary? I'm confused.

[Lakumi]

I read one talk comparing pornography to a bark beetle... not gonna lie, that was one of the stranger ones