sixpacktr Posted May 10, 2007 Report Share Posted May 10, 2007 I'll start with one my dad sent to me today... A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outshined Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right On top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was still. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"? "Very Well," said the Voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 2 Missionaries walking down the street......A Catholic Priest is watering his flowers....as the missionaries go by he sprays the missionaries and says.....we believe in sprinkling......the missionaries look at each other then say....we believe in laying on of hands...........LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 THank you all for the chuckle. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpacktr Posted May 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 One of my all time favorites: A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Jewish Rabbi all went to a dealership and bought a Cadillac. When they got home with their new set of wheels, they each dedicated it to the Lord. So the Priest got out his garden hose, sprinkled the Caddy with water and blessed it and consecrated it to the work of the Lord. The Baptist Preacher took his to a nearby pond, where he pronounced a blessing consecrating it to the work of the Lord and then promptly drove the car in the pond. The Jewish Rabbi pronounced a blessing over the car consecrating it to the work of the Lord and then cut off the tailpipe... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanilla Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Thanks for starting my day with a good laugh. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiannan Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 Funny as always:http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8...party&hl=en Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted May 11, 2007 Report Share Posted May 11, 2007 good stuff Fiannan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiannan Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 Yeah, bet the imam found out his mother's maiden name was Goldstein! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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