Hello again......

[abeChristianson]

Hello everyone it is I. The last time I posted anything I was engaged and the woman I was supposed to marry was pregnant. I have really screwed up now though. She asked me about what I thought about speaking in tongues (as she is Pentecostal), and I said that it sounded like gibberish. This was when we first started dating. I expressed that I believe in speaking in tongues, however only if it is truly able to be interrupted by the people. She then dropped the issue. Well around the end of October as I was moving all of my stuff out of my apartment to move in with her and her parents she asked me if I thought we were moving too fast. I said that I did feel like we may have been moving too fast, but that what is done is done and we should move ahead with our plan. She then brought up the comment I made when we started dating regarding the speaking in tongues. She asked me why I felt like it was gibberish. I stated that I thought it sounded more satanic from what I heard. I expressed that I didn’t know how speaking in tongues worked for her and that I was willing to learn. She said that I called her satanic and her religion was satanic. I said that wasn’t the case but she continued to insist that was what I said and said that I was in a cult. I decided that I needed to leave because I had offended her and her mother. She said that it was a good idea so I left along with a small amount of belonging. I stated that I would have to come back for the rest of my stuff when things settled down. I asked if I would be allowed to go to the initial prenatal appointment so that I could give my side of the family’s history. She told me not to go to the appointment because she didn’t want to see me anymore. So I lost my apartment and I am back living with my mother and little brother living on their couch. So now her father called me and told me to “grow a pair and man up by apologizing (which I have done many times) and say that I was wrong (which I have, however I don’t believe I am wrong). The problem I have is the last time that I tried to contact her she told me to never contact her again. How am I supposed to apologize to her if she will not let me contact her? I also don’t know what to say if I write a letter. I have prayed and asked for guidance but I don’t know if I can tell what I am supposed to say. I started a letter but it just didn’t feel right. I feel horrible that I made her so angry with me, but I just expressed how I felt using my past experience (which I explained to her, her mother, and her father when I talked to him. He still believes that I said that they are satanic though. I just want to know what to do……

[abeChristianson]

I did feel prompted to express my frustration here on this site. I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have…. I just need some outside help to see the answer.

[Gretchen]

I would do some research on the Pentecostal faith. It could be that you said something that they thought was an insult to their religion by mistake. Could you write a letter addressed to her and family in a mass apology?

[skippy740]

First, I recommend learning how to be more tactful when expressing what you believe and comparing it to other faiths.

You started off 'okay' by saying that you believe that the gift of tongues is when both can interpret what each other is saying. You completely lost her respect when you compared the speaking in tongues to being 'satanic'. You cannot 'back-peddle' and say that it was 'satanic' and then say that you are open to learning. Does that make any sense? Because now you're just trying to 'appease' her, when you already made your true thoughts known.

The only way I can see how you can possibly mend any fences here, is by admitting to your ignorance on their religious beliefs. You labeled something before you knew anything about it. And that you wouldn't like it if someone labeled my faith without so much as talking to someone to get the real story and doctrines.

I recommend reading the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. While you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around others, it is a good idea to learn how to phrase things and say what you mean in a tactful way.

My first tip for you going forward: never compare any branch of Christianity to Satanism regardless of what you think you believe and know about them.

I hope this helps.