How To Help?

[ldsrebel]

My friend is convinced that she need a guy in her life.

She goes on about it then talks about how only Christ can fill the hole.

But then she's back to wanting a BF!

Here's a letter she sent...

Ok. So I was talking to this guy online last night who I RP with on this site I go to and he gave me the url to his myspace. I told him myspace was gay but I checked it out anyway. First: Do you know how visual guys are? I'm not talking about just simply noticing that you have big boobs or anything like that. Do you know what it does to them to see the porn online and on billboards nowadays?? It makes them want to masterbate and makes them lose respect with girls. They are VERY visual.

Anyway, so this guy is really nice and very easy to talk to and I like joking around with him but when I click on his myspace url and scroll down I see him talking about himself adn stuff he likes, blah, blah, blah. Typical myspace stuff and then I see this picture he was of a Victoria's Secret model and a paragraph of him talking about it and how he loves this modeling show. I felt sick and clicked off the link right away feeling hurt, slightly offended and sad. So soon after that I stopped talking to him adn got offline feeling sad and obviously not able to think the same about him because he is a worldly guy. So I was already discouraged about that and of course started thinking about how hard it is for guy's to stay pure of mind. Did you know that a guy can glance at a picture for 2 seconds and remember it for 2 years?? And with the pictures online nowadays, they don't WANT to forget stuff like that. (If you don't think all guys are like this or are curious about what goes on in their heads, read the book, "Every young man's Battle.")

Anyway, today I got up and went to church, still feeling slightly sad about what I saw last night and even beginning to wonder if my future husband is staying pure for me or if I will ever meet a man who is not worldly in the mind or will TRY for me and God to stay pure. It's so exaughsting to think about because the guys at my church become very forward and truthful about their desires when asked about it in Sunday school which makes me like, Oh look. Even the Christians can't stay pure. So I'm going to church, thinking about all of this, lah, lah, lah. And when we get to church my mom left Matt adn I in the car to label all of his camp stuff because we forgot to and I remembered how the other day when dad was showing us a movie clip on the internet there was a really nasty ad of a 3/4 naked woman and my dad hadn't tried to cover it up at all and when I had glanced back at matt to see if he was looking, THAT'S when he had looked away.

I know that my brother is jut now becoming a teenager so he's having to deal with new emotions and his friends are probably talking about.... different things and so I worry about him, because you never know how he will learn to deal with these things and Matt isn't one to talk about his emotions AT ALL.

So while we were labeling stuff, the previous nights thoughts still playing in my mind I just kind decided to ask Matt something so I started out asking him, "Hey, is it ok if I ask you something? It may be kind of awkward.." and he looked at me and said, "Yeah. Sure." so I pause and then say, "You know how when dad shows us video's on break.com and there's sometimes those nasty ad's? Is it hard for you to look away from those?" I could tell he was caught of gaurd and he started looking really embaressed so I added, "Don't be embarressed. It's hard for alot of guys." so he nodded, starting to blush and said, "Yeah. Sometimes." I nodded and let it drop.

It's SO HARD to have a younger brother and know what he's going through even though I'm a girl. Alot of sisters don't have to deal with that but God gave me this knowledge that now seems like a burden. In church, we headed in and during worship i really wanted to just breka down in cry. Cry for my brother, who I'm scared will get sucked into this porno trap, because I don't know how to save him. Cry for Garrett (that guy) and all the other young teens who don't know how to deal with these emotions and don't have a God to turn to for comfort and WISDOM. And cry for me. I've always felt so lonely, longing for a guy to care for me and now I feel that that will never happen. Because I will never date a worldly man and I feel that I won't ever have someone there to save me because they will still need to save themselves.

I'm not being stupid so please don't roll your eyes at me like you usually do and tell me that I don't need a guy. The end. I'm not sure how important purity is stressed in your religion or in your life but when it comes to dating, that is the key ingredient. I know you don't have crushes often so that's why I feel like I tell you this stuff but you don't understand.

It's a weight on my shoulders! I feel lonely and it's not stupid or a passing thing. Part of the curse that Eve gave us was that our desire would be given over to our husband (Genesis 3, or 4 I think) and so what's so horrible about that is that we try and get guys to fill our passions and that empty hole but only God can.

There's my paragraph. I'm sorry if I offended you at all but I'm hurting.

What do I tell her?

I've told her several times that the whole guy thing is stuiped....she won't listen!

Here was my responce.

I'm not offended.

I'm sad for you!

I mean like it's hard to hear you hurting so bad.

I am starting to understand the way you feel, it's hard to find pure guys. (BTW, purity is stressed BIG TIME in our church...)

But when it darkens your mind think....they can get away.

It's hard but can be done!

And you can help!

Show them how to respect you and maybe they'll respect others like they do you.

Leave it to God, someday you will find someone! :)

Maybe we'll find some one together...

I really am starting to understand tho,

with a key male model missing in my life my thoughts often turn to having some one...

It's hard.

Keep reading your scriptures and pray.

You know what!

Let's find a scripture for the both of us to memorize!

The when we feel this way we can think of it. :)

Good enough?

[Gwen]

i only just saw this post. a lot of candure there. i think it is good that your friend cares about her brother, and wants to and can help be a lookout for him. starting conversations is good. sometimes brothers and sisters can talk about things they won't discuss with mom and dad.

what is wrong with being that candid with dad? something along the lines of look dad, i hear what teen guys are saying these days, i am comming to understand the struggles they face with the media bombardment. i'm worried about my brother, these ads you let us see aren't helping. our home should be safe from the mess of the world, a place where our minds can be clean and not attacked like they are when we leave. sometimes god corrects the parents through their children. i was corrected by my 6 yr old just the other day lol.

being concerned about this issue is important. however, it shouldn't become a depressive or obsessive thing in life. i would also suggest for any teen that doesn't have it to find an adult you can trust. one that will talk about such things (many especially the older ones are afraid to), not in a worldly way but in a real way. so many church leaders just say "it's a sin" and try to make you afraid of such things. there is so much more to the sacredness. the offensive nature of the things the world is propogating as good is much deeper than i can recall it ever being discussed among my parents or my leaders. ppl seem afraid of the topic or disrespectful to it. that doen't help those that are trying to figure it all out. find someone if you can who will talk about things with you (not in a crude way). many adults won't start the conversation, not even with their children. sometimes it's up to the kids to say, hey mom, dad, i want to talk with you about this. don't wait for them to come to you, they may not even know it's on your mind.

memorizing a scripture you can think of when you find your mind on anything you do not want to be thinking about is a good idea. that can be a great tool for refocusing your attention.

hope that helped somehow.

[Guest the_big_picture]

I didnt know if I should laugh or cry...

Thats so sad but still so funny.

She sounds like someone raized in a 1500 monestary.

Is she a little round? She could have seen the skinny model and got angry and blamed it on all men.

The faulth is in the fashion industry, the ones choosing the models are gay men that find skinny girls beautifull cause they look like men, they have no female shapes.

The first skinny model was introduced in the 70s when men could do women jobs, and women do mens jobs. The fashion industry was being taken over by gay men.

Men dont realy like skinny girls, they say they do, but deep down its still that Marilyn Monroe chubby female shaped dream.

Much like women saying they want neat men, and men today often have make up and care to much about how they look. Women still want men, all they want is them smelling good not using lotion.

But all you hear is men should take care of themselves and all the boys go buy make up doing what girls think is to much. And they have pictures of girls they dont realy like that much but think they do.

I can understand her a bit, she likes this guy that have a picture of hes dreamgirl that looks nothing like her.