Hello All

[rfburn]

Hello all, pleased to find this website.

I was born and raised LDS.
The whole of my family, on my dads side, has been LDS since 1860.
In 1860 two family members were baptized in Sweden.

Much of the family in Sweden converted, and all converted family members eventually moved to America.

At any rate, in 1995 I asked for my name to be removed from membership.
I honestly believed at the time that this was God lead, and that LDS theology was in fact, false theology.

Here we are all of these years later, and I am no longer nearly as confident in that determination of false theology as I was at that time.

Not nearly as confident, but still have some issues to resolve, to answer one way or another, in regard to some LDS theology.

I have been attending LDS church services for the past 1.5 months.
It did feel like home, and was very familiar, despite my having not attended for so long and having instead attended other churches (one for ten years) during that time.

I have spoken to the Bishop in the Ward I have been attending, and asked him to please check my membership status. Now, I knew perfectly well that I was no longer a member, as I received a letter of confirmation in 1995.

Despite that, I was slightly stunned when the Bishop approached me in church and used the words, "you do not exist". I had fully expected him to tell me I was not a member, I did not expect that all record of me would be 100% scrubbed.

It was a bit sobering.

I realized long ago that were I to ever wish to return, I would have to be re-baptized.
What I had not considered, is that those various blessing I had received through my life, some of which my grandpa had given, were now scrubbed as well.

I have a few struggles as I weigh this consideration of returning to the LDS church, as a believing member.

One, I have to actually believe of course.
I would never consider being baptized again if I did not believe the LDS faith.
But as mentioned, there are a couple of points of LDS theology that I am still weighing.

Two, I need to be sure I am not "believing" out of a sense of family guilt.
When I left the church, I struggled for many years with the idea that I had betrayed family that came before me. 

Some of who died on their way from Sweden to America.
Others who died between New York, Missouri, and Utah.
Others who lived their whole lives in the gospel of Christ as taught by the LDS church.

In particular, feelings of having betrayed my grandpa.

Also, thoughts of betraying the family who choose me to be a member of the family.
When born, I was scheduled to be placed in an orphanage.
My dad, without the knowledge of my mom, adopted me when I was 7 days old.

Mom was not all that happy when dad came home with a baby she knew nothing about.

Third, my wife.
Her objection to the LDS church was what began this now almost 20 year journey.

Her objections have not changed.
She is unpleased with my having gone to church services in the past month and a half.

Fourth, I work for a fairly large Christian radio broadcast company.
They do consider the LDS church to be a cult that stands outside of Christianity.
I have a great deal of respect for the owner (it is owned by a single person), even where I may not agree with some of his theology.

Knowing his thoughts on the LDS church, I would, out of respect for he and his beliefs, and to (in my mind) maintain my integrity, have to quit my job.
I've worked there since 1999.

I've got six fat little kiddies to cloth and feed...
A good job is important.

At any rate, that is my story, squished down into a compact size.

I will be browsing through threads of interest as time allows.

I am wondering if any here have had their names removed from membership, and then later returned to be baptized again, and what their experiences might have been like. Not that I expect that would have much influence on me.

I'm just curious as I expect such a thing is not all that common.
I would think most folks who leave and later return, simply stop attending church, and then later return to attending.

Also perhaps worth mentioning, while not the cause of my reconsidering the LDS church, but surely an accelerator to that consideration, is the passing of my dad in January of this year and the conversations that followed with cousins and other family members.
All of who are active LDS.

Thx for reading my odd little story.

[pkstpaul]

I got all that except for two things. I don't understand a consideration of quiting your job. It is as if you don't respect your employer and not vice-versa. Go find a equal job or better job for the sake of sanity, I understand.  Quiting, I don't. 

 

As I understand Grandpas, they are the most forgiving and understanding of all. They know what life throws at you. Consider his blessing as having been in effect for what it was. Now, seek new blessings. Don't think you are required to repent of offending him. You have other work to do. 

 

For encouragement, I would say your reactivation will prove you out to your friends, wife, co-workers, employer, through your works. You don't need to shove the Gospel at them. You need only live it.  It will be through living it that others will be accepting of your decision. - not your words.

 

Good luck, and welcome.

[PolarVortex]

It probably feels like you are traveling this road alone, but many other people have traveled it as well.  I hope that's some comfort to you.

 

You mentioned four struggles:

 

#1: You have to actually believe.  Yup, no getting around that.  But instead if approaching this as a black-and-white question with one yes-or-no answer, I would invite you to focus on what "believe" means to you before you try to answer the question.  For example, my breakthrough moment occurred when I starting defining "believe" as "choose to follow a path I think leads to God" instead of "agree that some proposition has been scientifically proven true."  

 

#2: Belief from a sense of guilt.  Many investigators are drawn to the Church for the wrong reasons.  I was initially attracted because I came from a family of hardcore alcoholics, and the Word of Wisdom felt to me like a Berlin Wall protecting me from alcohol and alcoholics.  That made me feel like I was being drawn to the Church for wrong reasons.  But think about this logically: the existence of a bad reason for doing X does not imply that there are no good reasons for doing X.

 

#3: Your wife. This is the big one, so start here.  Tell your wife you are entering a period of reflection and exploration, and phrase it carefully so she knows she is still the most important thing in your life, that you won't make any sudden decisions, and that she will have lots of opportunities to shape your eventual decision.  If you decide to return to the Church, your most effective tool for family harmony will be showing how the Church changed you for the better.  It trumps everything, especially hot debates over theological trivia or contests to show who can list the most hypocrites from some church or denomination.

 

#4: Your employment at a Christian radio broadcast company.  Maybe an attorney can comment on this, but my understanding is that discrimination in hiring and firing on the basis of religion is almost always against the law.  And I'm not sure that being LDS in a non-LDS work environment would automatically lead to tears.  I am sure, however, that you shouldn't feel any obligation to quit your job sixty seconds after your baptism.  If you decide to return to the Church, it's entirely sensible and honorable for you to open a conversation with your boss to explore the consequences of your decision.  And if the conflict really is too great, you can dispel much of the tension simply by announcing your decision to leave as soon as you can find another job that is satisfactory to you, even if it takes many months.  The key is that you still have a lot of control over this situation, should you need to use it.

 

Best wishes.  The road to God has many twists and turns, but if I can adapt Kahlil Gibran to your situation, "the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

[pkstpaul]

by announcing your decision to leave as soon as you can find another job

Vortex is right about job protection from religious persecution, but the statement above would be grounds for termination.  Best just let you personal life be your personal life and not take it to work. It may seem unnatural in a small company but I bet there are a lot of peronal things you wouldn't talk about at work.

[rfburn]

Thx all for the thoughtful advice.

As to my wife, I've told her that I am not satisfied with the way I left the church.
As I reflect, I don't think I sought answers to my questions/issues at the time.
I made assumptions instead.
Now I am seeking the answers to those questions/issues.
And, if they satisfy, then I will be baptized again.

For work, it is simply that I know the owner would not want an LDS member in his employ.
Not because he believes the LDS to be bad persons, but instead he believes the LDS church is outside of Christianity.

I do not believe he would fire me.

I would do it more for my own peace actually.
Not because of any differences in belief, we already have that to some degree (we already sometimes "debate" some of the programs he airs).

But because I know it would be a situation he would not be personally comfortable with.
And I do not wish to be the source of that kind of discomfort.


 

[PolarVortex]

Vortex is right about job protection from religious persecution, but the statement above would be grounds for termination.  Best just let you personal life be your personal life and not take it to work. It may seem unnatural in a small company but I bet there are a lot of peronal things you wouldn't talk about at work.

 

Really?  How interesting.  I've known many people over the years who announced their decision to leave the company at some indefinite time, and they were not terminated.  But it was always connected to some life event, such as being called back to their home country for marriage, or having a spouse who was being transferred across the country at some TBD time, or even retirement as soon as a 401(k) got fat enough.

 

Obviously, blurting out something like "this job is hell and I'm going to quit as soon as I find another" would be in a different category altogether, but I had interpreted the OP's comments as more of a major life change that carried no criticism of the employer or the job.  I guess you're right, better to keep your cards close to your chest and avoid any unnecessary risks.  Perhaps I was thinking that a Christian employer would be different.  Thanks for this comment... I learn so much here.