Out of place

[Ivory_Tower]

Hello, everyone.

I am new to this forum.

I am writing, because I don't really know what to do, and don't really know, wether anyone understands me.

The thing is, I feel really different from everyone at church. I am 32, unmarried, european living in a bis asian city, enrolled in a phD Program for fine arts.

These details already sums up why I feel different from everyone. When I go to church, I feel like I don't have anything in common with anyone else. I have different interests, different hobbies, ect.

Also, I find it annoying, how people sometimes bug me about not beeing married. a few weeks ago a guy in my church ward wanted me to go on a date with one of his friends, and his behaviour was so bunt and impolite, he was talking to me as if I was a piece of meat on a meat market, and as if he was doing me a favour by offering me a date with his friend. Of course, I didn't go, because the blunt ad impolite behaviour of this guy really really really annoyed me. ( and, as I am describing below, I DO NOT have the time for random dates)

I think people don't really understand, what I am doing. I live in a totally different world from everyone else. I am very busy with 3 side jobs, my phD paper(which I have to write in this foreign asian language, which is difficult enough), participating in exhbitions, making new works, teaching a class at church twice a month in a foreign language, ect. I usually feel, like my head is about to explode. There is too much pressure on me, because I have to submit my Phd Paper in a few months already....... On sundays I am so tired, I am dragging myself there, feeling so tired and uncomfortable, sick of the same superficial smalltalk.
I guess everybody is tired when they go to church, and everybody has their problems. But my problems are different from the ones of everyone else.

I guess there is no real advice. I just want to rant.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Ivory_Tower

[zil]

Someone, perhaps lots of someones, once said (in relation to fiction) that there's no such thing as a new plot - they've all been written.  The best a writer can hope for is to create a few different details to make their telling of the same story engaging.  IMO, this is an accurate reflection of the feeling that no one else understands - there's no such thing as a new problem, but there are different details in any given "telling" of those problems.  NOTE: I am NOT trying to dismiss or diminish the reality of your feelings, but rather, I'm trying to point out that any two humans have more in common than they might believe, and that our problems are not as unique as we tend to think.  (I well remember feeling things like you describe; sometimes I'm tempted to feel them again.)

Even if no one in your immediate vicinity seems to understand, God and Christ understand.  They also know the best way to navigate through your problems, work, study, calling, etc.  They know how much time, and which time, to give to each of these.  They know who can help you and who cannot.  They know every language.  To find peace and strength, make sure you're willingly, gratefully putting the gospel first in your life - daily scripture study and prayer - so that you can have the Spirit guide you.  You will be better able to finish your pHD if you work on it after you've given a portion of your time to scripture study and prayer - remember, we are talking about the same God who made time stand still, and I have personal experience that God is willing and able to alter time and math so that our needs can be met, if we put Him first.  Trust that God gave you the talents and abilities you have, and He wants you to use them for good.  If you are striving to keep Him in your life, He will help you.  If He tells you to put it aside on Sunday, trust him and do it - you'll be blessed for it.

As for people trying to set you up on dates, do as you think best (after praying for guidance), and be polite about it.  Then forget it.  Other people's thoughts, words, and actions are beyond your control - let them worry about themselves.  (And keep in mind, you're not just dealing with a foreign language, but a foreign culture - offense may not be intended, so don't take it.)

Finally, ranting may work to relieve the immediate pressure, but it's not a long-term solution.  Turn to the Lord for the long term solution.  He knows what you need to do.

[LeSellers]

1 hour ago, Ivory_Tower said:

living in a bis asian city

Sorry?

1 hour ago, Ivory_Tower said:

I have to submit my Phd Paper in a few months

It seems one serious pressure will go away in a few months. Your dissertation will be in the past, and you will have some time to yourself.

As to the rest, I'd give you the same advice I give harried mothers who have a similar complaint: simplify your life. Why three jobs? Must you live in a foreign country?

Benjamin gives us wise advice, "it is not requisite that a [woman] should run faster than [she] has strength. And again, it is expedient that [she] should be diligent, that thereby [she] might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

We sometimes focus on the first part of his statement to the point of ignoring the other two clauses. Yes, we should be stressed to the extent that we ought to be doing something. But that doesn't mean we can never have any time to rest.

You are an anomaly in that you are not married. But that is not a deal breaker. You may have a husband next year, or five years from now. Maybe not. But Father loves you. Mother loves you. Our Elder Brother loves you. Be comforted in that. This doesn't mean you should ignore opportunities to find a temple-worthy mate. Please don't recoil from well meaning efforts by others to help you achieve this goal.

Our Thomas Jefferson said, "Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold." Don't let pride get in the way of your own happiness.

Lehi

[tesuji]

Ivory_Tower,

I can empathize with you. I often feel like a fish out of water at church, because I am so different (apparently) from most Mormons in my wards.

The things I do personally to deal with this:

- Remember the church is not foremost a social organization. It's about helping you progress in discipleship, to endure to the end, and to provide opportunities to serve others.

- I try to get to know as many people as I'm comfortable with. I often find that even though they might be different form me, I can still have a meaningful connection to them. And often I'm surprised at how interesting other people are, and even sometimes that they aren't as different as I thought. Of course, it's nice to meet people who aren't like you are - less boring.

- Think of church as an opportunity to serve. That's what the gospel is in essence, learning to serve God and others.

Of course, also ignore annoying people who try to fix you up on unwanted dates. I think most of these people do it out of love, even if they don't know how to show it very well.

I would also say that it sounds like you have too much on your plate. Take time for yourself, to recreate, etc. Or you will probably get burned out.

I lived in Japan for a year, so I know how it can be. Everything is harder when you live abroad, especially in such a *very foreign* place. But it can be a great experience! It sounds like you are doing very interesting and worthwhile things.

Edited April 25, 2016 by tesuji