The importance of Family Home Evening

[Giuseppe]

The “Family Home Evening” program is a very inspired program. I think it began in 1915, when Mormon Church President Joseph F. Smith urged the Church members to set aside one evening a week devoted specifically to the family. Family Home Evenings are usually held on Mondays.

Members of the Mormon Church use Family Home Evening to strengthen family ties. Parents have the opportunity to teach their children about spiritual and secular matters and prepare them for life. Family Home Evening is held once a week as a time for families to sit down together and study the scriptures, talk about important life lessons, cultivate talents, discuss pressing issues, and plan activities and goals.

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to have my family home evenings almost every week. With young children sometimes they may be a little challenging, but if we are patient and keep doing them our family are greatly blessed.

[rickety]

Home Evening is a blast. When my children were teenagers we just winged it from beginning to end. The only thing we kept track of was who's turn it was for the prayer, lesson, treat, activity, conduct, scripture, etc. Conduct, prayer, and scripture were easy but you had to think fast to come up with a lesson or an activity on the spot. Once my children were in seminary they really gave interesting lessons.

[Jeny]

This is my downfall. I struggle with a son who has Asperger's syndrome. He is very hard to handle and he hates the church. I end up not bothering with FHE because he makes it such a chore!! I need to work on this in our lives. My daughter loves the church...but she hates fighting with my son about it too, so we just let it go most weeks!!

[Pamela]

When my kids were growing up, we had family home evening every Monday night. I could plan on the adversary working his hardest to keep us from having it. When the kids are bickering, when husband is late getting home from work, when dinner doesn't turn out, etc., etc., it is easier to say 'forget it'. However, when I realized that the adversary was doing this, I became more vigilant in having fhe. I wasn't about to have him win.

Sometimes it is better in some families to have little snippets of lessons. Maybe you can only handle 5 minutes or maybe only 2. It doesn't have to be this big planned out evening. Ask the Lord what you should do, he knows your struggles.

[Jeny]

Yeah, I have to admit...I am lax in this...my son makes it so hard!!! He thinks church is a big waste of time and anything that goes alone with it...he won't pray or read scriptures with us, he HATES church!! I am very discouraged about him right now...this all started this year. He is 13 this year, he has suddenly decided that it is all stupid and boring!!! My daughter, on the other hand... is just the opposite!!! She is organising a modesty fashion show with her friends right now as I type this!!! I'm not sure what to do next with my son, I am praying and I force him to come to church, but he wants nothing to do with mutual, or boy scouts, or camp...he just could care less!!! I'm just at a loss with him!!!

[Pamela]

I have been where you have been - with five children to raise. There must be rules in our homes. We are the parents and they are the children. In my opinion, one rule should be 'we go to church together on Sundays'. It seems that if you say 'yes' to most things, then when you do say 'no' it won't be so bad. Just a thought

[Jeny]

Oh, I don't give him an option about going to church...we all go...period...but I spent most of the sacrament meeting telling him to knock it off!! He is autistic and he tends to make a lot of noise when he is bored...I then teach sunday school and am in primary...so, I Don't get much out of church, these days...I am faithful with reading my scriptures, and I do my best to try to learn something while I prepare for my lessons every week. My son is going through a stage, I HOPE!!!

[Jeny]

WOW! I sent you a response yesterday, but it didn't post!! Anyway...I DO have rules in this house and my kids go to church with me every Sunday...no options. I don't bend on that one...but y son refuses to take the sacrament, part of me is relieved about that, because...if he won't take it...it must mean something to him...I believe he doesnt feel worthy to take it...so, if that bis the case, that gives me hope that he DOES have a conscience about it at least.

[emeliza]

Yeah, I have to admit...I am lax in this...my son makes it so hard!!! He thinks church is a big waste of time and anything that goes alone with it...he won't pray or read scriptures with us, he HATES church!! I am very discouraged about him right now...this all started this year. He is 13 this year, he has suddenly decided that it is all stupid and boring!!! I'm not sure what to do next with my son, I am praying and I force him to come to church, but he wants nothing to do with mutual, or boy scouts, or camp...he just could care less!!! I'm just at a loss with him!!!

I wonder if something happened with the other boys at Church that made him all the sudden think it is boring and a waste of time. I would guess so. Kids can be cruel, especially when they don't know how to deal with someone who is a bit different. Does he have any friends at Church that he hangs out with? Or does he appear to be a loner there?

As for FHE, I would suggest having them still, but allowing your son to decide if he wants to be involved or not. I would guess after a few months of watching you and your daughter do fun activities he would want to be involved. Try to incorporate things you know he likes to do in them.

[Jeny]

I wonder if something happened with the other boys at Church that made him all the sudden think it is boring and a waste of time. I would guess so. Kids can be cruel, especially when they don't know how to deal with someone who is a bit different. Does he have any friends at Church that he hangs out with? Or does he appear to be a loner there?

As for FHE, I would suggest having them still, but allowing your son to decide if he wants to be involved or not. I would guess after a few months of watching you and your daughter do fun activities he would want to be involved. Try to incorporate things you know he likes to do in them.

My son has Asperger's syndrome...he is autistic, he does not do well in social situations. He is in a world of his own. The other kids shun him because he is different and the Bishop's son just recently got into a fist fight with him. My son threw the first punch, but the Bishop's son provoked him with his jeering. My son does not respond well to being mocked.

[HiJolly]

This is my downfall. I struggle with a son who has Asperger's syndrome. He is very hard to handle and he hates the church. I end up not bothering with FHE because he makes it such a chore!! I need to work on this in our lives. My daughter loves the church...but she hates fighting with my son about it too, so we just let it go most weeks!!

I think were I in your position, I would chuck all the formality of it and just play together. I'm guessing you kinda do that anyway, but a special (and non-obvious) attempt every Monday evening might be just the thing. With treats. I wouldn't have an opening prayer. Not a song either, unless it was just a fun thing like "You Are My Sunshine", "White & Nerdy", or whatever. Just play (cards, frisbee, scrabble, video games (multiplayer if possible) and so forth.

We have an 8 y.o. girl that is autistic that doesn't do well in Church. Her parents bring her every week, and most weeks when she hits her limit she struggles and shrieks and they take her out to the foyer. I think their patience and love is such a needed lesson to the rest of us members. I try to tell the parents how well I think they are doing whenever I get the chance.

Hang in there!

HiJolly

[Jeny]

I think were I in your position, I would chuck all the formality of it and just play together. I'm guessing you kinda do that anyway, but a special (and non-obvious) attempt every Monday evening might be just the thing. With treats. I wouldn't have an opening prayer. Not a song either, unless it was just a fun thing like "You Are My Sunshine", "White & Nerdy", or whatever. Just play (cards, frisbee, scrabble, video games (multiplayer if possible) and so forth.

We have an 8 y.o. girl that is autistic that doesn't do well in Church. Her parents bring her every week, and most weeks when she hits her limit she struggles and shrieks and they take her out to the foyer. I think their patience and love is such a needed lesson to the rest of us members. I try to tell the parents how well I think they are doing whenever I get the chance.

Hang in there!

HiJolly

Thank you for your kind words!! We played the "Mikey Game" last night. My son is Mikey, he participated because the game was all about him. He is a very self absorbed young man!! but we had a nice family home evening!!

[emeliza]

My son has Asperger's syndrome...he is autistic, he does not do well in social situations. He is in a world of his own. The other kids shun him because he is different and the Bishop's son just recently got into a fist fight with him. My son threw the first punch, but the Bishop's son provoked him with his jeering. My son does not respond well to being mocked.

I have a friend in our YSA who has Asperger's. He fits in quite well with most of us, but I am not sure what it was like when he was younger. He parents are constantly worried about him bothering us/people, but honestly as long as you are kind and blunt he is great. You have to be kind and blunt though with him otherwise it can get a bit tiresome. He takes it really well though. I tease him, but never mock him and just to be on the save side I always make sure he knows I am completely teasing. He is a joy to be around.

So I guess I am saying...don't worry. Eventually he will come into his own.

In the mean time maybe you should talk to the Bishop about how to help your son make friends with one or some of the boys. Maybe they need a lesson on how they should be treating each other.

PS. Glad to hear your FHE went well the other night.

[Daniel]

I just wanted to add a linkback to a topic I started about FHE with toddlers.

[Jeny]

I have a friend in our YSA who has Asperger's. He fits in quite well with most of us, but I am not sure what it was like when he was younger. He parents are constantly worried about him bothering us/people, but honestly as long as you are kind and blunt he is great. You have to be kind and blunt though with him otherwise it can get a bit tiresome. He takes it really well though. I tease him, but never mock him and just to be on the save side I always make sure he knows I am completely teasing. He is a joy to be around.

So I guess I am saying...don't worry. Eventually he will come into his own.

In the mean time maybe you should talk to the Bishop about how to help your son make friends with one or some of the boys. Maybe they need a lesson on how they should be treating each other.

PS. Glad to hear your FHE went well the other night.

My son also has oppositional defiant disorder as well. He is angry and defiant in most everything we try to do. My son is very angry with his father as my husband abandoned the family and has no contact with his children. Mikey feels this loss the worse, he somehow blames himself...

Mikey knows that he is different and he is angry and hurt about it. He sees the world as "attacking" him all the time. He takes no responsibility for his own actions, everything is "The world is picking on Mikey"...it is very tiresome to deal with on a daily basis!! He has a violent temper as well. He is 13 and growing fast...I am beginning to get worried about the next few years as he is almost bigger than me now and he is starting to see that he can be intimidating!!

[poulsenll]

Oh, I don't give him an option about going to church...we all go...period...but I spent most of the sacrament meeting telling him to knock it off!! He is autistic and he tends to make a lot of noise when he is bored...I then teach sunday school and am in primary...so, I Don't get much out of church, these days...I am faithful with reading my scriptures, and I do my best to try to learn something while I prepare for my lessons every week. My son is going through a stage, I HOPE!!!

I think and hope it is just a phase. Be gentle with him but teach him that there are rules that must be obeyed. We have an autistic grandchild who is now 26 years old. He enjoys going to church but will not sit in the meeting during the talks. He does however insist on helping pass the sacrament and is very concientious about being there every Sunday to do so. After passing the Sacrament he tends to wander the halls all by himself until Pristhood meeting where he attends opening exercises and then back to the halls. Everybody knows him and knows his situation. They are always good to him and talk to him when he wants a bit of conversation. Take heart, things will change as he matures and gets past the teenage years.

Larry P

[Jeny]

I think and hope it is just a phase. Be gentle with him but teach him that there are rules that must be obeyed. We have an autistic grandchild who is now 26 years old. He enjoys going to church but will not sit in the meeting during the talks. He does however insist on helping pass the sacrament and is very concientious about being there every Sunday to do so. After passing the Sacrament he tends to wander the halls all by himself until Pristhood meeting where he attends opening exercises and then back to the halls. Everybody knows him and knows his situation. They are always good to him and talk to him when he wants a bit of conversation. Take heart, things will change as he matures and gets past the teenage years.

Larry P

This is exactly what my son tries to do...I do not let him wander the halls, but he will if he can get away with it...sometimes I am busy in the Primary and he gets away from his teachers...he raids the fridge in the kitchen though and has flooded the men's room...so he cannot be allowed to roam the halls at will...This is disheartening to hear that your 26 year old grandchild is Still doing this!! I was hoping my son would settle down...but I have to admit it is probably wishful thinking...

[poulsenll]

This is exactly what my son tries to do...I do not let him wander the halls, but he will if he can get away with it...sometimes I am busy in the Primary and he gets away from his teachers...he raids the fridge in the kitchen though and has flooded the men's room...so he cannot be allowed to roam the halls at will...This is disheartening to hear that your 26 year old grandchild is Still doing this!! I was hoping my son would settle down...but I have to admit it is probably wishful thinking...

At this point in time,he does not get into trouble while wandering but that was not always the case so take heart and let him grow in his own way but teach him that there are bounds that he must stay within. More important find some thing that you can make him feel he is respponsible for at Church. My grandson takes responsibility for helping the disabled get from their cars into the Chapel and back to their cars afterwards. When he was younger he was given the responsibility of putting the programs in the holders provided for them outside the Chapel doors. High level autistic children are capable of learning to be responsible if we just give them the chance. Teach him about the Priesthood and and talk to your Bishop about getting him ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood. My grandson is now a Priest but only feels comfortable passing the Sacrament. He has been considered for the Melchesidek Priesthood but says he is not ready for the responsibility just yet.

Unfortunately, one of my wifes sisters had a high level autistic son and instead of giving him responsibilities they let him grow up doing absolutely nothing and considered him useles for anything. In his older years he just set around in a chair staring at the walls untill he finally passed away.

Larry P

[Jeny]

At this point in time,he does not get into trouble while wandering but that was not always the case so take heart and let him grow in his own way but teach him that there are bounds that he must stay within. More important find some thing that you can make him feel he is respponsible for at Church. My grandson takes responsibility for helping the disabled get from their cars into the Chapel and back to their cars afterwards. When he was younger he was given the responsibility of putting the programs in the holders provided for them outside the Chapel doors. High level autistic children are capable of learning to be responsible if we just give them the chance. Teach him about the Priesthood and and talk to your Bishop about getting him ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood. My grandson is now a Priest but only feels comfortable passing the Sacrament. He has been considered for the Melchesidek Priesthood but says he is not ready for the responsibility just yet.

Unfortunately, one of my wifes sisters had a high level autistic son and instead of giving him responsibilities they let him grow up doing absolutely nothing and considered him useles for anything. In his older years he just set around in a chair staring at the walls untill he finally passed away.

Larry P

My son has been given the Aaronic priesthood and he does pass out the sacriment...yet he refuses to take the sacriment!! The Bishop just had to tell him to take a break from passing out the sacriment till he can start taking it himself. My son is still very irrisponcible...I keep hopeing he willget to a point where he can take on some responcibility. I make him take out our trash and the neighbor's trash (elderly lady). That is about all I can get him to do...I'm still working on getting him to clean his room!!! Course, that goes for my "normal" daughter as well!!!!