Jokes

[MorningStar]

Here's a good one:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

[Jeny]

Here's a good one:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

[Shoofly]

Here's a good one:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

I have got to tell my Berean Baptist friend this one. I hope he can take it.

[siouxz72]

Here's an oldie but a goodie...

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "How much does this cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take 10 yards."

The clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, the held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package, and said to a little old man standing beside her, "Grandpa, pay the man."

[Lolgirl]

Here's an oldie but a goodie...

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "How much does this cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take 10 yards."

The clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, the held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package, and said to a little old man standing beside her, "Grandpa, pay the man."

:lol: :lol:

Good one!

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,

it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man,

it's your stupidity.

..........................................................................

I was born intelligent -

education ruined me.

..........................................................................

Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect......

so why practice?

..........................................................................

If it's true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?

..........................................................................

Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.

..........................................................................

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

..........................................................................

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

..........................................................................

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

..........................................................................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

..........................................................................

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in

life.

..........................................................................

The wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

..........................................................................

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

..........................................................................

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

..........................................................................

"Your future depends on your dreams"

So go to sleep

..........................................................................

There should be a better way to start a day

Than waking up every morning

..........................................................................

"Hard work never killed anybody"

But why take the risk

..........................................................................

"Work fascinates me"

I can look at it for hours

..........................................................................

God made relatives;

Thank God we can choose our friends.

..........................................................................

The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. why learn.

..........................................................................

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

what more can I say........