beefche
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Posts posted by beefche
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Hoosier,
I think we all have negative thoughts but sometimes those negative thoughts get too overwhelming. Seeing a therapist is a great step in overcoming negative thoughts and behaviors. Good for you for recognizing that you need help and getting that help. Too many people think it's "bad" or "weak" to ask for therapy. Good for you for being strong and asking for help when you need it.
Something I've read that helped me and you may think it helpful. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy - Borders - Books, Music and Movies I got this book from my library (I live in Indianapolis--if your local library doesn't have it, ask about a library-to-library loan and you might be able to get it from our central library in Indianapolis).
This book specifically talks about negative thoughts and how to overcome them. You could ask your therapist about this book to see if he/she recommends it.
Good luck to you. You've got a lot of friends here on lds. net who care about you. Always feel free to post or PM someone if you need a comforting "ear."
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Why is it important for us to know our tribe? Once we enter the waters of baptism, we enter into a portion of the Abrahamic covenant. Why does it matter if I am from Manesseh or Ephraim? The Bible Dictionary says, "Being an heir to the Abrahamic covenant does not make one a “chosen person” per se, but does signify that such are chosen to responsibly carry the gospel to all the peoples of the earth. Abraham’s seed have carried out the missionary activity in all the nations since Abraham’s day." I had heard that Ephraim was responsible for preaching the Gospel. But according to the quote, it doesn't matter which tribe--all are preachers.
And when one is adopted, are you adopted into a certain line? If so, how is that chosen? Does a patriarchal blessing announce that you are adopted into Ephraim or just say you are from the tribe of Ephraim (Ephraim as an example only).
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You raise a good point. Why pray about anything? Why pray about going on a mission? A mission is a good and desirable goal. Obviously, the Lord wants us to share the Gospel and one fantastic way to do that is go on a mission. So why pray about it?
I prayed about it because I needed to know if it was right for me. But I'm a woman--no obligation for me to go. If I were a man, then why should I pray about it? I could still serve a mission at home. Or share the Gospel with my friends without wearing the "uniform."
In the Bible dictionary, it says that prayer is to align our will with HF will (paraphrasing). I dated a guy who was a worthy LDS man. He honored his priesthood, was attractive, one of the funniest guys I know, was capable with me in many, many ways. I truly think I would have been happy with him if we had married.
I prayed about our relationship and received an answer that I should continue with it into engagement. He prayed about it and received the opposite answer. How can that happen? I know that it was a spiritual confirmation on my part. And I trust him that he received a spiritual confirmation on his part. My only explanation was that he was a good match for me, but I was not a good match for him.
I do believe God knows the beginning from the end. I just don't blieve that he has "appointed" an eternal companion to someone (there are exceptions, IMO, such as Adam and Eve). I think He allows us to choose a companion and when we seek His counsel in the matter will let us know if He approves of the match or will alert us to potential issues (by receiving a "no" answer).
I appreciate your thoughts, I just happen to disagree with them. I hope I've articulated my thoughts and knowledge (albeit very limited).
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You mentioned proximity to your family, friends and your job vs venturing to other places were you may have a better prospect. Once more, this is a choice you are making prioritizing on family and job security rather than the prospect of marriage. There is no certainty that you would find a husband if you move. What is certain is that you have not found one where you are and as you admit there are no prospects. So, I would say that moving would improve your odds statistically.
At the end I hope you would set aside family, friends, job and whatever else may hinder you in this search and plead with your Father in Heaven for guidance about what to do. Be careful not to force the question for history has taught us that at the end we will get the answer we wanted anyhow.
This is a fact; your eternal companion, the one appointed by your Heavenly Father, will be in a certain place at a certain time on a particular day. You will be there to meet him or not. Anything else that happens, any other choice you make will be YOUR choice and thus not what God intended and therefore sub-optimal. Consider.
You are absolutely correct that if you keep doing the same thing, you'll get the same results....if you are relying solely upon yourself.
Marriage is between 2 people (3 when counting the Lord). I can move to a target rich area and still remain single. I can completely change my personality and remain single.
My point is that we do have to make choices in our life. Marriage is one of the most important decisions anyone can make in this life. But it is not the only decision. If I must remain single, then being near family and in a satisfying career helps the loneliness and emptiness. I would hope that I have the courage to move away from family and great job if the Lord tells me to.
Your advice is great if the Lord leads one in that direction. I worry that people think too often in terms of "I'll be happy when..." We should be happy now regardless of our circumstances.
And I disagree with you on the whole "soul mate" idea. I don't think God appoints someone for me. I think I choose my companion. There is no "one" for me. There are several and we just have to decide together to make the same choice.
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Oh yeah and she weighed 118 when I married her and now she is 128 lbs.
Ben Raines
Whoa....not too many women want the world to know their weight. You ARE lucky!
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What are some areas that are good neighborhoods? I've heard Overland Park is nice. What is the average house price there? What about the wards in that area? Are they "strong" or more like a branch? Any info on the Single Adults program? Strong? Need help?
I'll be there for 4 weeks in February, but won't have a car. So I won't be able to visit any areas.
Advice for someone potentially moving there? What areas would you suggest I research?
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Now, how does 80 hours a week on a graduate program going to help you find your eternal companion? I've been in graduate school and cranking 100 pages a week and 20 hours of research will kill your social life, add 20 pounds to your waistline and all but reduce you to a hermit. I have no magic bullet and there are others a lot more qualified than me to advise on these issues. But if finding your eternal companion is what you really and truly desire, given that has proven a challenge for you to this point, and being this, one if not the most important thing we will ever do on the earth, I would structure the next 2 years of my life in a different way. Just some thoughts.
I mean this in the spirit of discussion, not attack.
On the surface, your points are valid and practical. However, if someone is not in a relationship and it doesn't appear as if one will be in a relationship any time soon (soon being relative), then what do you propose this person do? Going to graduate school requires many hours of work. Building a career requires work.
There are some people who will not be married in this mortal life. None of us know for certainty if we are the unlucky ones. In the meantime, we need to care for ourselves and our future (and any dependents, of course). Developing a career is one way.
Obviously, it's not to the exclusion of all else. I can only use myself as an example. I do not live in a Mormon rich environment. Now that I'm over the "desirable" marriage age, it is more difficult to find single worthy Mormon men. I have had several people encourage me to move to Utah, Arizona, or California where the worthy male Mormon population is more abundant. However, I have family and a fantastic job where I currently live. Since there is no guarantee that moving will result in marriage, I must make a personal decision based on my circumstances. I have not felt the Spirit inspire me to move to any of those areas. Does this mean that marriage isn't important to me? Of course not. It simply means that I must follow the Spirit as best I can and bloom where I live.
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There is a slight possibility that I might move there. Wondering about anyone who lives there who can give me some info on things such as homes, taxes, neighborhoods, church, etc.
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If it weren't for my sex-ay dress sense, I don't know what I'd do. Like right now, I have on doublemint reversible slacks and a white silk shirt open up to my navel. Women love that.
That reminds me of a situation on my mission. My comp and I were tracking and one dude opens the door to the past. I swear he stepped out of a 70's bad movie. He was wearing skin tight blue jeans with a white ruffled shirt that was opened down the front exposing his hairy chest which he had covered in long gold chains. He leaned against the door jam and said, "hello, there....wanna come in?" Then when we told him we were Mormon missionaries, he quickly shut the door.
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I am not married, so take this as you will.
Women are stupid (in general, not specifically). They will say, "Do these pants make me look fat?" The problem with that question is that it traps the man. That ISN'T her real question. Her question is "Do you find me attractive?"
Women quit being coy, dumb, whatever to your husbands. Talk to them! If you want to know if he still finds you attractive, then ask him that. And then listen to him and not berate him for his answer. If he doesn't find you attractive, then discover why and work on it. However, the same goes for men. If you feel unappreciated as the husband/man of the home, let your wives know and then listen to her. Although women have a difficult time to tell their man their true feelings (for some reason most women want the men to know instinctively what she wants/needs and then interpret her answers towards that end), men can learn to interpret the words and women can learn to better express their true feelings.
Overall, I think Dr. Laura has some fantastic advice. I liked her book about feeding husbands. I think she can be used as a reference in addition to GAs, scriptures, other good books on communication.
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Huh, I've never heard of this. But this seems to answer a question I've had for a long time. I noticed children and mothers, when leaving the chapel for whatever reason, walk with folded arms. I could never understand why...thought it was some weird Utah Mormon thing. Now I know it's not a weird Utah Mormon thing, but rather a leftover from their primary days.
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I don't know what the budget is for your ward, but here's some thoughts from one woman.
Don't do flowers--of any sort. Typically, women like flowers from their honey...getting them in sacrament meeting just isn't as special as some would like to think.
Something to collect dust isn't a good idea....because it collects dust and will either require cleaning or be given to DI.
Something that is consumable is a good idea. Things such as bath salts, candles, CHOCOLATE, etc. The women in our ward always prepare pies and serves slices after church for Father's Day....why can't that happen for the women (and have the men serve and clean up--not the RS).
A CD or DVD from the Church would be a great idea. Or perhaps a book. The Distribution Center has a lot of things on there for really cheap (especially if you buy in bulk).
And....there are some single sisters that really have a hard time on Mother's Day. Please, please, please PLEASE!!! don't make the women stand up to receive a gift. If you can't tell who is a woman, just hand the gift to the person. Make sure that any women who may not be there receives a gift as well....HT would be a great resource to make sure their HTees receive a gift.
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MOE, you should always give 100% to work.
Monday = 15%
Tuesday = 25%
Wednesday = 35%
Thursday = 20%
Friday = 5%
Adjust accordingly during holidays.
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But this year my main goal is to work towards going to the temple for the first time in my life. Yes, you got it...first time. I've never been even though been a member my entire life. We shall see what 2009 brings.
What a fabulous goal. I think what I like most about this goal (other than the obvious) is that it is attainable with very specific things to do to prepare and accomplish it.
Go Pammie!
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Hah! Yes I am smarter than a 5th grader! I won a million without any help from the kiddos.
Actually, I'm a little addicted to this game now. My best friend got one of her kids the little handheld game of this and I keep snatching it away. Some days I'm only smarter than a 2nd grader to my consternation.
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I don't have anything more to add than what has been said regarding the advice to seek the counsel of your bishop. I would urge you to be humble so that if your bishop says you are not ready that you will take that in the spirit it was given.
If you do receive your endowments, then I would encourage you to ask a woman with whom you feel comfortable to be your escort. An escort is someone who remains with you throughout the endowment (not completely as there are some things that an escort cannot be a part of). My escort was my best friend who had received her endowments a year previous. She sat me down the night before and explained what to expect in the temple (without divulging sacred things). She relieved my mind tremendously as I knew what to expect and it took some of the mystery out of it. I wasn't scared of the endowment, but just of doing something I had never done before (much like I felt the first time I flew in an airplane).
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Okay well first of all saying get a job is insulting because I have one, and saving up that much money isn't financially feasible for a job for a 21 year old.
Maybe I shouldn't go on a mission because I think I'd have a hard time dealing with pathetic people like you.
I don't think saying to get a job is insulting. It is expected that a missionary pay for at least a portion of his/her mission. In fact, when I wanted to serve a mission, my bishop told me to get a job. I was not able to pay for my entire mission by myself (my family did not support my mission). After discussing the situation with my bishop, I was able to receive financial help from other sources.
So, getting a job is a realistic and practical start in preparing for a mission.
Secondly, I must warn you...you will deal with more than just "pathetic people" while serving a mission. I was cursed, called names, physically attacked, among other things. Trust me, if you cannot deal with someone over the internet, then perhaps you are not prepared to serve as a representative of the Lord.
Again, I urge you to discuss your thoughts with your bishop. He is there to guide you and help you prepare spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, etc. for a mission.
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I believe that the $400/mo is for missionaries who leave from US/Canada. Any other missionary leaving from another country will not have the $400/mo--instead their expenses will be determined by the country where they are serving.
My understanding is that for those missionaries that pay the $400/mo but whose missions are less than that, will have the remainder of the $400 go towards another missionary who's expenses are more than the $400.
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Merry Christmas from Mexico and my home, Indy! Thanks everyone for the laughs and thoughts.
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Ok, Hemi, did we listen to the same 80's songs?
Checks! You said you're an 80's fan. Jump in please!
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Huh, I'm not sure if I've heard the song. I looked on you tube and didn't find the song...just that it was an album title. You're sneaky! Gimme another one.
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How in the world do these people sleep? I have no idea what time these vids were taken, but the house is dark inside. But with all those lights flashing, I'd never get any sleep!
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Hey, Funk, this is for you:
Advice?
in Advice Board
Posted
Hidden, please read this post. You say that you need to know directly from God that you are forgiven. As someone who is currently depressed, know this....it is extremely difficult to feel God when you are depressed. It's not that He's not there, it's that I simply can not feel His presence. Depression affects your mind and spirit and numbs you to God's voice. It is not a permanent thing. And there are times when I can feel His presence, but overall as someone who is depressed, please know that you may not feel His confirmation because of your depression.
I urge you to seek help from a professional. LDS services is available to you...if you or your insurance won't/can't pay, then the ward may be able to pay. You can go Counseling services here to find out about a LDS Family Services center in your area. Call them now. They are there to help you. Don't be embarrassed, afraid, whatever. Please ask for help as it is available and you can feel forgiven and God's love and care for you.