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Everything posted by Debs

  1. That is the EXACT opinion i am trying to avoid someone thinking!!! At 41 i am not stupid or selfish enough to marry for any other reason and DEFINITELY not for entry to another country. I have had those opportunities and refused for obvious reasons. I think you may have TOTALLY misunderstood my original questions John Doe. Thanks for replying anyway
  2. hi guys thanks for your feedback..........and the chuckles too!! im not actively looking for a guy to date, just more open to possibilities with someone who is of the faith. thankfully uk is still not a 3rd world country but on saying that if our government dont make up who is leading us we could well be!!! hahahaha seriously, there isnt any one guy in mind, just that i am toying with the idea of joining a dating site. i dont want to appear conceited or underhanded in a profile so till i figure out what would be the best route, in in truth the most direct but sincere, i am just in the thinking stage. good job eternity has no end cos my thinking time requires 'no end'!!! hahahaha im not in a hurry to date again, as i said before, im just opening my mind to it now. i did date a really nice guy for awhile but it didnt work out, thats kinda how i realised i'm ready for the next part of life again... thanks again for taking the time to reply :) debs
  3. to wish to marry someone who lives in the country you want to move to? i'm not really into this online/long distance relationship thing but after opting to stay single for quite a long time now i feel like i'm now ready to move on but i have also decided to work on moving to where i ultimately want to live, in the states. but i'm cautious to mention this to anyone (guys) because i am aware it could come across like i am looking for an easy route, and that is far from the truth. so i got to thinking....should i put off dating till i'm there or should i start here and see what happens or should i just begin possible foundational friendships till i get there? i'm looking for opinions, mine are awol right now so a fresh brain would be most welcome! i'm 41 and divorced and being pretty well balanced none of my choices are light and definitely not ones i'm jumping in to, just processing. thanks debs
  4. :) whatever he and i are meant to be will shine through soon enough, i'm sure. for now we're just rolling with it! :)
  5. Thanks Happiness :) Marts....i agree. that has been a constant thought which is why when my friend suggested maybe we dont have the 'oomfff' for a long lasting relationship, only a friendship, i gave it some as much as i like this guy i am beginning to feel that this is all we are itnended to be.
  6. you took the moving thing serious then eh? lol how long you left serving?
  7. lol jbs......i hear ya!!! have you thought of moving? (i got that off another thread, not my very own thought!!!) debs
  8. thanks..i think! lol its a tough one cos i dont mind compromising with my work or anything else, but not the kids school just yet. however....i decided to leave it to the Lord right now....a friend suggested that maybe our relationship is too easy and will not hold the right kind of challenges/strengths etc to be more than what we are now. sounds negative but it was only part of the wisdom she suggested!! lol so now i'm confused as well!! LOL
  9. Hi Elgama I am in the woods....Forest of Dean. The Stake YSA wouldnt bother with me, i'm 41! lol However, the SA Rep has pretty much echo'd what you said yet knows how important it is for kids to have stability. If this guy had a job that kept him at one place then yes there is more of a compromise needed, but as he travels the country I dont understand why, for the time being, my kids cant have some stability in their lives here, we've only been here 4 months and everything had to be started from scratch in their lives. Maybe I need to rethink, but right now any other alternative doesn't ''feel'' right. Debs
  10. Thanks is by inspiration that i feel strongly about staying put right now. I have never had the spirit tell me anything otherwise whenever i've prayed about it :)
  11. I talk to many Lds people all over the world, married, widowed, single, divorced, converts, grandparents...all sorts....but what rarely comes by are single Brit Lds people....why? Cos there isnt that many single adults out there that are either true to the faith (as best they can be) or are prepared to go out of their way to make a new life happen. I recently got talking to a guy I met through my new branch president, we got along really well, his kids were cute, even his ex spoke to me and we laughed around. Over the months they have both become good friends, and the ex even encourages us dating even though he lives 80 miles from me. He actively shows me how interested he is in me, my life, my work, my days, my kids and anything else, yet the one thing we cant agree on is where to potentially live.....i have made it clear that as my 2 youngest children have had too much unsettlement in the last 3 yrs since my divorce i feel i owe it to them to keep them in this house, these schools and with these friends for a while to come. I havent written off the idea of moving but i just dont feel right now is a good time. However, as this guy drives as part of his job, if we did get married it wouldnt be out of his way to pick up the children on a friday on his way back. Taking them home could be an afternoon out before dropping them off. Even his ex has offered to pick them up or meet half way! Me, i'm thinking this is the ultimate block, the reason he is preventing us going forward. Maybe theres something else behind this i dont know andi cant really tell (though i doubt it becuse he is very open and pro active towards me) so i'm stumped as to what to think. Dating in the uk is difficult at the best of times, but when you do finally meet someone there seems to be that one thing that almost grinds it to a halt. Or is that just my experience?
  12. hi, thanks for the reminder! i know a friend in utah who was telling me about the way they change the times yearly, probably a good thing really. at least one year i'll get to eat my sunday roast at a time i'm accustomed to!! :) debs
  13. hi i actually quite vehemently spitted out a comment to my bishop and his counsellors a couple of weeks ago that 'this church sucks when you are single/divorced because we are the modern day lepers'. i didnt mean to say it, i dont even remember thinking it!! however afterwards i sat and thought, i wasnt far off the mark there. i support every single/divorced/widowed person in this church and i know that even when the time comes for me to remarry i have been affected enough by my experience to go out of my way to fellowship anyone that isnt married, to me married people can still learn a lot from single people! good for you to stand up and say what you said, that must have really shook up the ward! debs
  14. hiya :) i am convinced that you pay for the name of california when you live there! everything seems a lot more expensive! either that or you being charged for all that sun!!! lol debs
  15. lol what does honor know?? lol i owed her that for teasin me just now!! Lol thats what i'm going to struggle with too, we have street names here and as i have the number version of dyslexia (spelt something like dyscalculia) i am going to have to mentally find a way round it! how are you finding utah? isnt it busier than ohio? i have a friend who was a sherrif there for a while and he said it was a quiet kinda place, but then he did compare it to maryland! lol debs
  16. wow ghost, where did you come from? we have one chapel/ward in almost every medium/large town, never more than one per town and definitely no 2nd/3rd wards etc!! i'm happy with a 9am start, i'm used to that as ours starts at 9.30. i found an apt complex in roy, orchard cove that i am interested in so at the moment that could be the landing place! i'm dreading the wards tho, cos i know i am going to get so confused. knwoing me i'd prob end up in totally the wrong place!! debs
  17. thanks guys!!! you have all helped so so much! ghost, i noticed that when i was browsing round the chapel locator, some start at 1pm! I have my sunday roast at 2 so either they gotta change the time or im eating in sunday school!!! LOL looks like i can set a date to move soon, i'm SO excited now i have more information!!! debs
  18. Hi guys I am in the process of moving from the uk to utah (salt lake city) with two of my children, 12 and 4. Naturally this is a long drawn out process and not cheap, so in my process of financial planning I am wondering if anyone would be kind enough to point me in the right direction with a few things? 1. I'm looking at renting an apt to begin with, what would i be looking at paying out? Are the gas/electric/water included in rent or are they separate? 2. Do you have to pay any kind of taxes that are distributed towards local forces such as fire dept/police etc? 3. Is it cheaper to get a cellphone or a landline phone? 4. Do apt's come with basic furniture already in? 5. Do you guys have buses? If so do they use bus passes? 6. What is the average cost of living? Just the basics like bread, milk, potatoes that kinda thing and perhaps meat. I looking to going to the Washington Terrace area as I have friends there who will make it easier in learning my way round etc. Is anyone familiar with the area? I am trying to make contact with the bishops/RS presidents in that area (cos I dont know what ward we'd be in) so hopefully they can help too. One last thing, does anyone know how long it takes to get a visa/work permit? We have lived in the states before so we know this is a good move for us at this point in our lives so we are now just eager to get on with our planning and get outta here and over there!! Thanks for any help anyone can offer! Debs
  19. you guys are so insightful thank you for sharing so much. i've had the opportunity this last few days to share many of these words and my own on this subject and i 'think' i might have given a few people something to think a nice way! i've now been asked to give a talk on life as a divorced mum. not a bad move in my opinion so i hope you guys dont mind if i use some of your words? Debs
  20. Thanks guys for all your wisdom and support. There are many things i want to pick up on which i shall do later but right now i just want to state that I am actually happy in my current status because i do have faith that my Heavenly Father will pave the way for me when the time is right and to be honest with you, I do have pang of missing something in sacrament but not for long and not often because i do actually enjoy being with all kinds of people. being single isnt as bad as some married people thing, not at my age and divorced anyway cos the last memory we have is a bad marriage that we are left to rewrite mental and emotional data on. so for me, personally, being single is a case of sugar and lemons. Given a choice i would love to be married but given that i have gone thro divorce i'm more careful not to repeat that kind of episode. I dont honestly think that anyone i know that is married would want to go to a singles activity!! LOL be whole point of our faith is families, being married etc. My issue here is not about me as a person with my ward, its how they perceive me because i'm single without getting to know me or give me a chance! Ok thats more than i wanted to say! I need to sleep so i'll bid you all a good day/evening and be back tomorrow to read again your wonderful words :) Debs
  21. yes you are right gingergolden.......though i do like the two words of it...perhaps thats my divine answer...........fellow shipping??? wonder what ship i can get the fellows on!!!!! LOL
  22. Hi Lester!! Thanks for your kind words and support there. I heard a talk a few years ago by David A Bednar about the choice to be offfended or not, I have always held that view so when i heard the ways he explianed it I promised myself then that i was not going to allow anything to take that knowledge and distort it in my head and it has been an anchor in many situations. I cant be offended by anyone else, not even my ward but my feelings are still hurt and confused because i dont understand or can make sense of their attitudes. I am sorry you have issues with getting pregnant, and yes, you are in the same bracket as me as in we dont fit in the ideal family unit but i still cant find it in my head to condone the behaviours. I know the people mean well and it has nothing to do with docrine or gospel, (thank goodness!) and i also know nothing will change in one go but one person CAN start making a difference, one at a time and that is what i hope im doing in my ward, letting them know that I am capable of many things, i'm willing for many things and i have a lot to offer. Im sad to say that i've seen investigaters treated better. that said, im not giving up, i do enjoy the lessons, i feel the spirit and i learn a lot, its ONLY the human interaction side that i dont enjoy, that somehow needs to be altered. Maybe when my book gets published i'll become an ''understanding'' and be promoted to the next level...whatever that is!!! LOL Debs
  23. Hi GingerGolden Thanks for your lovely comments. Its not an option for me to become inactive, I wont allow myself to become affected in that way to jeopardise my testimony/faith. Yes i have talked to the people you mentioned, and while all of them are lovely people and mean well nothing ever gets done! It stops with the conversation! My bishop is an excellent man with a very deep understanding of compassion, and i know he understands my feelings but even he can only do so much. I think its a case of if your married it doesnt affect you kind of syndrome but its these married people that are the CAUSE of the issues for us singleys!!! **sigh**
  24. on divorced people in the church? I have been a member for 9 years now and it was only when i was married that i was actually treated like a member. This is not just one ward but one ward and two branches, as good as they all were/are there is a significant difference in attitude and it toataly HACKS me off. I would never dream of not including SA or divorced people in anything i organise, i would never avoid someone that is newly or otherwise separated/divorced/widowed and time and again I have actually quoted Pres. Hinckley on his counsel towards single people, espcially single mums. Right now I am losing the will to attend church. Its only because i know my testimony will be begin to suffer if i dont and because i refuse for my children to see theres any issues in my mind for them to lose their testimonies too. I cant say i actually enjoy going to church anymore and the sad thing is, i've been divorced all the time i've been in this ward, so they've never known me any different yet there are over 12 families joined our ward since i came here and NOT one of those are pushed on the wayside...and yes i have made an effort with each and everyone of them, i've even posed the question of divorced/single people in the ward and i'm greeted with blank looks that tell me that imight as well be asking for their bank card. In all it makes me feel like i am surplus to requirements, something to be humoured and not really credit worthy in anyway till i am remarried. I have continually offered help and support to whomever, its rarely taken up yet i hear over and again that they got noone to do this or do that and i'm sitting there thinking, 'well noone asked me!' and thats after i've stated that i am willing and able to help in a whole variety of ways. Then i'm asked to do helping hands service, which i love doing as well as my kids, then i hear of all the additional help and support married mums are getting with their gardens or decorating. I've been asking for 2 years now for some help iwth my garden that was way overgrown befor ei moved into the house. with a dislocated kneecap i cant even begin the garden work so again i just feel like i'm nothing. Somewhere i am missing the point and i am really frustrated about it all. My bishop/HT/VT's are all aware of my feelings and agree that its an issue in majority of wards/branches but if ONE person doesnt begin to change things how the heck will it ever change??? Sorry for the rant here but i am fed up of bucking my jaw and getting on with it quietly, surely i am allowed to want to fellowship just like everyone else? If i never got any help (garden) that would be fine but i just hate being treated like i'm some stupid female who knows nothing and has no worth. But oh, let me miss a sunday because i'm ill or the kids are ill and i have FOUR people on the phone.....!!!!! Any suggestions or new insight that i've missed would be welcome cos my thinking is kinda repetitive right now!! Debs