yohoya

and any marriage has the possibility of heartbreak, pain and suffering, right?

david speaks respectfully of his ex. i mentioned the "rape" just to point out that though he had premarital sex, it was not his idea orginally. he does take responsibility for it, and still feels so guilty and upset over the whole thing. i agree, "rape" seems silly. it took a really long time to understand and respect how he felt about it. bottom one though, if he said he was raped, then he was. i probably didnt explain the situation too well, i try not to bring it up with him much so the details are fuzzy. i also dont believe in "deal breakers" tho i often feel stupid, like i should. its easy to be taken advantage of, but i try being as understanding and forgiving as i can. everyones different though. my heart IS in a million places right now, that was the perfect way to the put it funky. i am very worried and scared, but this is a risk i feel is ok to take with him. he is a very good man.

i grew up in the liberal, lovely San Fran bay area of California, and have found living in utah to be tremendously hard the past 2 years. temptation was everywhere in california, but for some reason i feel the presence of Satan a lot more here. I chalk it up to also getting to feel the spirit so often, that Satan is very aware how easy it can be to to be LDS here (what with so much cool lds stuff, like byu, temples, bookstores, and neat details that show its super acceptable to be lds). does that sound crazy, or does anyone feel the same? i think utah is a hard place to live. i can really believe porn is heavily viewed here. its a breeze to come by most anywhere else, and much more acceptable.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Mormonism! its a life saver, and changer

hey Brandon youre awesome! (its a fact already:) )

id check out monster.com to see who/ what is hiring, just to make sure you can find a good job. i think utah is doing okay, all things considered. it has one of the best cost of living to work compensation ratios in the country. (or so ive heard.) im not at all familiar with indiana though, so id get online and compare. id youd like PM me and i can explain the SLValley a bit. cost of living differs a bit depending on which side of the freeway youre on lol

Well my problem is a lot like some of the others ive seen on here. silly relationships. i need to honestly pour my heart out and i really hope you guys hear me. i have no one else to go to. i apologize in advance for how long this will be! my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two years and have decided we want to get married (we've picked out rings and have been talking it over for months, though its not official yet). he was born and raised in the church, and i was not. my family started going to church when i was 4, my mom and older brothers were baptized and when i was 8 i chose to get baptized. we rarely went to church (a few times a year) and stopped going altogether when i was about 10. my mom and i went to young womens when i was old enough on and off, but eventually stopped again. when i was 14 i had a most excellent experience which i guess was my real conversion to the gospel. :) (youth conference) my parents we separating at the time and home hadnt been a very uplifting place growing up. my life really turned around then, and i stayed very active and interested in the church all through high school. my family does not consider themselves lds, and i dont talk to them much about the church unless they want to. my dad and i had lots of trouble growing up because he felt it was a cult, so its kept its distance. when i was 18 (2006) i moved to provo where i met david. he started dating a few months later and have been very inseparable since. weve always got along great, though unfortunately (i never wanted this!) had a few stupid dramatic fights, where i came crying to my friends over it, swearing it was over, and then we were together again by the end of the week. this has made some of my friends skeptical about him. he is a little weird, but so am i, and i really shouldnt have told them so much of my side. i was very scared and confused and i think theyre being protective of me, but you be the judge... david comes from a small family that are lds, and are all rather depressed. most of his family is divorced, and those married all seem to have loveless marriages. i dont exaggerate, its really depressing. it seems to be a trend to marry the wrong person. his uncle, a few years older than he, was sealed in the temple and cheated on his wife. his twin brother ran away with a girl and was sealed. she denounced the church soon after, lied to everyone that he was beating her, and left him for an old boyfriend, a recent RM. his grandfather has stated marrying his grandmother was a huge mistake and he regrets it, openly in front of her and the family. his mom married a man no one approved of, was sealed and had 3 kids. (david, his twin and their sister). he quickly stopped going to church, cheated on her, quit his job, etc, and left her. then came back, kidnapped david and his brother, and they eventually got divorced. mom won custody. david just met his father for the first time. he hadnt seen him since he was 4, and no one spoke of him. hes only known his mom side of the family. umm, im trying to give you some insight on the environment hes been brought up in. his family isnt horrible by any means, but theyre very troubled and its made him pretty troubled. he believes in the fundamentals of the church and loves it, but struggles with details and doesnt have a real testimony. what worries him are things he cant get a straight answer about, like j. smith having more than one wife. i know some of this relies on faith, but he cant grasp it. he hasnt many good experiences in the church with the people. its been hard for him to ask questions comfortably. hes asking to strengthen his knowldge, not attack the church. he doesnt hold the melchzidict preisthood since he didnt serve a mission and hasnt really gone to the temple (last time he was maybe 13 for baptisms). after dating for a few months in provo, david got a job in salt lake and decided to move there. i had just finished a horrible semester at byu and was eager for a break, so we decided to move away together. we had trouble finding new places, and after a lot of talking we decided to move in together. we didnt know each other that well, and tho none of our friends approved,( his family didnt know anything of it for months, but my family knew) it worked out. we got a nice apartment with separate rooms and bathrooms. weve been living here for over a year now. i guess its been a taste of marriage. we had premartial sex very soon after we got together. 2 years before we met, david was dating a nice girl and was falling in love. one night, they were together alone in his apartment (byu housing, so you know, the living room) and were kissing/ cuddling. she slowly got more adventurous and before he knew it she was strataling him... the save you the details he was in essence raped. this took a long time for me to understand, but it wasnt that she pinned him down like you would think, she was very quick and over stimulated him, to put it nicely. he was honestly very innocent with her up until then. she was his first kiss. she had, he found out later, been with many men before him (she was about 19) and took took advantage of him. this opened pandoras box, they had sex more, but decided after a few weeks to break up and tell the bishop because they wanted to be temple worthy. though they lived in the same apartment complex, they were told never to "see" each other, and were put on probation for at least a year. cindy, his exgirlfriend, stopped going to church after that and started partying and dating. he was very crushed, as they had broken up to be together again, and repented for months. he eventually lost the will to try when he felt his prayers werent heard. (cindy eventually got pregnant, married, and is now sealed in the temple :) in a nutshell, this is our background. i have simple but strong testimony of the gospel, and am willing to move away from david and do everything necessary to go to the temple first. he would much rather get married civialy and soon, and go to the temple in a year. he doesnt feel he can handle being away from me and being alone while we repent. i am concerned about this because if he doesnt have a testimony now, will he ever have one? will he strive to get one? what if he gives up again? if he decides not to ever go to the temple, i dont think our marriage would last. he knows i feel that way. i love him and i trust him, and i think i can trust him enough to marry him now and wait for him to be ready to go to the temple. this could be an extremely amazing and priceless experience to me, helping him find his testimony. it has and will strengthen mine, and could make our relationship more deep than i could ever imagine. none of our friends or family know the details like this, and it may be easier to seperate if we had family to rely on. all my family is in california, including most of my friends, and have a just a few friends in provo. tho davids family is here, no one is close enough to be comfortable with besides his mom and brother, both of which are living with other people. (so the thought of both seperating and moving in with our parents is a bust.) we havent gone to our bishop about anything yet. im scared of what he'll say, and i dont know him. we have been inactive since we moved in together and our records just got transferred. were meeting people from the ward this thursday. so what should i do here? the good friends i have hate that i live with him and do not approve of us getting married if it wont be a temple marriage. its been an extremely upsetting and scary experience.i really need support in this decision, as were both getting cold feet now and then. marriage has never worked out in our families. all i have to talk to about this is david, and no offense, but hes all i ever talk to or see lol. i dont want to have a one sided perspective on this and realized a year from now we shouldnt have gotten married...