That's a good start that he doesn't want a divorce, but I can't help wondering why. Does he love her? Gaining weight is one thing. Not taking care of herself is another. Point 1, is she dangerously overweight or just a little chubbier? Is it that she no longer has the supermodel figure he 'fell in love with'?. If she is just slightly heavier than she once was but otherwise fit and healthy he should learn to accept that. We all change as we grow older. She will not remain the young bride for ever. Where would he draw the line in having her try to maintain those looks? Would he want her to have a face lift, a tummy tuck, eye contouring, botox injections? If the answer to any of those is yes then he is the one who has the problem. We all grow older. I would rather my wife grow old gracefully than look like a wax model or a startled trout.However, of she is dangerously overweight then he could talk to her lovingly about wanting to help her lose some of it, for the sake of her health, not for the sake of his eyes. Point 2 if by 'not taking care of herself' he means basic things like personal hygeine then he has a valid point. No-one wants to live with someone who is dirty and smelly. If she doesn't ever wash or brush her hair he has a point. I would expect my wife to be basically clean and respectable. I don't need her to wear make-up all day though and look like she has been on a fashion shoot when she has been home all day with the kids, cooking and cleaning the house. I don't mind her looking scruffy with hair tied back in a band and old clothes and wellies on if she is weeding the garden. She still looks gorgeous to me with dirt in her finger nails and soil on the end of her nose. Your friend sounds to me like he is going through the stage where some men fall into the trap of looking at attractive young women and wondering why their wife doesn't still look like that. Then some of them make the mistake of wondering if those attractive young women would find them attractive. Then some of them make the even bigger mistake of trying to find out, and the next thing they know their lives are in tatters. Eventually some of them realise they are fools but by then it may be too late. My advice to your friend would be a little self analysis goes a long way.