I went through depression very recently and also had suicidal thoughts the only thing i have to say is get help. there is nothing weak about having to take meds. I had to take meds. And actually there are meds. that are on the 4 dollar list at walmart/ walgreens. The dr. visit was only 50 bucks. If it is part chemical please consider going to your family physician and getting it treated. It is a losing battle to just tough it out. believe me I know from experience.