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Justaquestion... My situation was almost identical. I didn't realize the gravity of what I had done until talking to the Bishop. What will happen is dependent on your Bishop. For me, it meant I had an informal probationary time of a few months where I was told to not partake of the sacrament, participate in prayers/talks/callings at church, and unable to attend the temple. I was told to commit never to do it again, continue to attend church, study and pray, say sorry to the other person, and let the atonement take affect. I did not expect that it would take several months but have to say that it has taught me that what I did was serious and that repentance is a process. Again...each circumstance is different. Whatever it is that you have to do, do it. Be encouraged. There is repentance.

Absolutely agreed...even if your bishop is out of town at least you will have that appointment. Be encouraged about being able to repent. Sometimes we feel like we've lost our way through such actions and can't return and are forever tainted. Absolutely not true. Heavenly Father wants us to return back to him. Stay on the repentant path. Be truly repentant. "Though your sins are as scarlet...they shall be as white as snow." We all have to repent every day for things. It is better if we choose not to do the things that require repentance through a priesthood leader. However...when we do things that require such we should rejoice that there is a way to become clean...entirely clean. Beware. You think you will never do such things again. I thought the same. I was wrong. I made the mistake of continuing my relationship with this person while trying to repent (for the exact same thing you were involved in). Not wise. Make fireproof plans for when such feelings of temptation come. I think you know you can repent. Good for you for identifying what you did was wrong.

I find it interesting that we are going to be having lessons in Priesthood and Relief Society out of the Gospel Essentials manual this coming year. Perhaps it is because the gospel principles are essential and of the utmost import...and in actuality is the Gospel Doctrine University of Advanced Studies. It is really truly all that is important for our salvation and should be the topic of study and personal examination. I think we get so tied up on examining people and prophets for imperfections to justify the imperfections we, ourselves, have. I have found that when we come to understand the atonement through the basic principles of the gospel and living them that we don't have to seek for imperfections but rather live "in and through Christ" and his atonement. I guess I get so tired of controversial, inappropriately sourced material at church and discussions that get so far off topic because the teacher finds it so interesting that the true spirit of teaching by the Spirit is lost. I find, in such cases, there is little advancement in the cause of the power of Christ to change our hearts. In my opinion, advanced classes are classes that teach by the simple pure truth of the Spirit of things of great worth to our salvation and love of God. It reminds me of the scripture in 1 Nephi 17 to "look" and be healed but "...because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished." Just my thoughts.

This is just to cause you to think in another perspective....not to criticize.... I have been of the opinion and am in the same opinion still that when someone is on the edge of a cliff that I don't push them off...even though they may eventually fall on their own. I think it would be much more advantageous to get them as far from the cliff as possible and get them to a firm foundation. I also wouldn't under-estimate the cunningness of the adversary in such matters for the very strong. I have seen far too many "strong" members get tied up with and seek for "more interesting and controversial aspects" of the gospel/church history...much to their demise. I think it a critical error many of us make when we seek after the much "less weightier" things and ignore the "much weightier" things of far greater import. That has been my observation.

I agree with the original post. I think, though, one must be careful. My Dad has said to me on occasion, "Remember not everyone is as strong as you are." You are able to put things in the correct context. Others sometimes cannot. Things that some may find controversial have a way of becoming weeds that grow and grow until it strangles the true and good plants. Satan knows this. I am not saying that there is anything to be afraid of when it comes to the church or history of the church. What I am saying that it is often spoken of out of context and in the wrong spirit or without the correct understanding. When this happens, it can be detrimental to those with poor reasoning skills or who are in poor spiritual health. One must be aware that what people are able to spiritually digest are different. Also, some people's spiritual digestion may be in poor health. In regards to Sunday meetings...The purpose of the Sabbath is that it is the Lord's Day and Sunday meetings are intended so that we can partake of the Sacrament, renew covenants, and be edified an uplifted by one another. I have often found that commentary outside of the scriptures and latter-day prophets really didn't have their place within the context of Sunday meetings where the focus should be on the Savior and helping us to become more like He is. I want the Spirit to teach me...and there is nothing greater than the scriptures that do that. Historical study is helpful and has its place. Greater eternal truths should be paramount and deserving of the greater attention. I just find people teachers get lost in things that may be considered controversial, often use sources that are controversial themselves, and often drown out the true Spirit and purpose of the lesson. I hope those who have the privilege of teaching consider this when they teach. Just some food for thought.

Actually, I have to say that this process (though difficult to accept at first) has made me really become introspective to the gravity of the importance of living the commandments of God. I really believed that since my behavior was mutual and didn't really harm anyone, that I was okay. I was wrong. It absolutely decays at my mind, heart, and spirit. In this process, pride and lack of humility would prevent me from being truly repentant. Though this has been a hard pill to swallow, I realize that it has caused me to realign myself to God. The scripture "Thou shalt love the Lord, they God, with all thine heart" as the single greatest commandment have run through my mind. I do love him. No matter what I do, he will love me. However it is also written "If ye love me, keep my commandments." I had deceived myself by relaxing the laws of God. Though my sin is not grievous, it does require rectification. Though this discipline is still quite fresh for me and I may need some clarification to what the guidelines were that were set, I don't see it as punishment. The truth of it is that I was behaving quite mindlessly like a misbehaved child. This reminds me that I need to be responsible for that behavior. I am genuinely sorry if you've had an experience that has soured your feelings towards this church. For me, I realize the blessings I've partaken of and the joy I used to have. I wish to freely partake of it again. That can only happen as I sincerely repent.

Thanks for your posts. When the Bishop says I am not to say public prayers, does that mean not to say any of the out-loud family prayers with my family?

Does anyone know the things we are prevented from partaking in when on informal probation? (i.e. callings, sacrament, etc.)

I just want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings, frustration, disappointment, discouragement, despondency and whatever else that you are feeling. Those feelings you have are actually probably quite common. That is definitely the adversary working on you. He wants you to grow spiritually apathetic and less effective in the Kingdom. Yep. That's him alright. Been there, done that! A few things are critical: 1) Pray until you feel like you feel like it 2) Make a decision that you will be faithful in attending your church meetings (all of them) no matter what. 3) Decide now that you will remain as faithful as Job 4) Listen to the talk given in conference entitled "But If Not" given a few years ago. Go to lds.org and type in "but if not" in the Search menu. It should come up with a conference talk on it. Live the gospel in spite of the challenges or blessings you receive or don't receive. Do it because you truly love the Lord. 5) Speak to your Bishop (also let him know that you need good home teachers) 6) Crack your scriptures daily (read for a full 10 minutes). You may not get anything out of it at first but if you continue to do it you will find that the Spirit you once had will speak to you again. 7) Serve others out of love and sacrifice for them and your Father in Heaven. 8) Listen to church music as you drive or whenever you can. 9) Don't let your mind wonder in the negative feelings. Fill it with positive things. 10) Avoid self pity. I've been homeless, crashed my car, in debt and with no one that helped me...no home teachers, no family (although there are many of them), no one at church (they were all so busy). But...I kept going to church. I decided to stay faithful no matter what. I am glad for it - you have got to read your scriptures though and pray. Got to do it brother! Got to! The Spirit will come.

I am sorry that your daughter experienced this and that you are going through this. No one deserves that. It is natural to be angry and probably quite healthy. It is part of the grieving process and I can see that I would be grieving too. I am no professional so I think professional advice should be sought. Perhaps your bishop can help recommend some counseling from LDS Church Services if it is available in your area. I'd suggest you focus on the court system to bring some sort of sense of justice to the situation and be sure that your daughter continues with sound counseling. Seek counseling together as a family. If he is found guilty, then his name will be put on the registered sex-offenders list. I'd suggest refraining from giving much attention to any talk that is going on no matter how negative it is. It will help keep you focused on what is most important at hand. If you think that someone else has been offended by this boy, I suggest you go through your lawyers and the PD. Perhaps the PD will investigate it. I am not sure how that works. It takes a will of iron and a back of steel to continue to go to church where the offender is and the mother is all negative talk. It is possible, though, and stopping going to church is probably not the right answer. You need to latch on to the gospel stronger than ever. Be sure you have excellent home teachers and ask the bishop for consistent and steady spiritual support and about possibly switching wards if that is possible. This is probably not the time to talk forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay or should be dismissed. It means that we allow the atonement to work in others lives as it should work in ours Allow room for the Lord to heal your hearts. It will take time but it is possible. Believe me. Avoid entrenching yourself in what's going on with all the "talk". Your daughter will be affected by your example. Stick to the legal system. Let that be your battle for now. Be sure that your daughter feels your support and love and a safe place to vent. Be sure there is a support system also for healing to take place. Take care. Pray for guidance and the Spirit to bring you comfort and peace.

Sorry - it sounds like a difficult environment to be happy in. Has he always been like this? I find that those who usually complain, whine, have temper issues, etc. do so for one or more of the following reasons... 1. Lack enough sleep/tired 2. Out of habit 3. Have a disposition for it/genetic 4. Are unhappy with themselves/low self-esteem 5. Are highly stressed 6. Are out of tune with the Spirit/Spiritually weak 7. Pride 8. Feel a lack of control in their lives You may look to see if you have the same traits that need rectifying as well. If so, you can both work it out together. Unfortunately, they tend to take it out on others and/or don't become pro-active to change their situation. As the saying goes, "Misery loves company". I think when he is able to identify the cause(s) behind the behavior then he can work to rectify it. If you have communication issues and/or he is unreasonable, you will need to seek help using a mediator (counselor, mutually trusted friend, etc.). If he is violent and this is a domestic issue, you should not hesitate to call the police (not out of vengence but out of protection). That can and is the best thing to do in domestic issues and can be the first step in them getting the help they need. NEVER tolerate him hitting you, if that is what happens. Finally...Are you having regular scripture study and family prayer? Do you pray together? My guess is that this is not happening. Perhaps it is that he refuses. If so, there is no reason that you cannot do it without him with your children. Invite him to join you but don't pester him. In time, I think you will find he might. Pray for him in your personal prayers and out loud. If you need spiritual help for yourself, seek the Bishop's help. Be sure that you subscribe to the Ensign and other church magazines. The influence in your home just having these around may provide additional opportunities that he will actually pick them up and read them. A letter was sent out from the First Presidency advising this very thing. And...ironically enough...you need Home Teachers for you if your husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities as a priesthood leader. Best of all...pray that you will receive the guidance to do the right thing. Sometimes something as simple as apologizing can do wonders. Although I find it kind of funny what you did and understandable that you asked them not to give your husband a calling or have Home Teachers, it probably was embarrassing for your husband. It might be as easy as saying, "Honey, I am sorry. I did it because.....but realize that this may be embarrassing for you and am truly sorry for embarrassing you. I just get so tired of it when you complain about....I am sorry." Someone else might be able to word it better. Don't let pride get in your way of apologizing. Good luck. I am sorry. This sounds like a very uncomfortable marriage right now...at least in the current situation. Just remember, if there are domestic problems (abuse), you must not tolerate it and need to get immediate help outside of your home situation. Take care.

Thanks for the reply. I don't want to inconvenience the Bishop unnecessarily. Roaming hands and mouth have stayed above the waist.

I am a little confused. Should one seek counsel from the bishop for very heavy passionate kissing, heavy necking and "making out"? How serious is this? Can one repent on their own? For an endowed member, what is considered "sexual relations"? Clarification: Hands and mouth have stayed above the waist. Update: Thank you everyone for your posts. It really helped me. I did see the Bishop and the answer is "yes", it needs to. Thanks again people.