I have been rather saddened by some of the comments on this post and it has even made it difficult for me to sleep tonight. As a wife in an unconsummated marriage, I would have felt bad if I had known people were talking about my situation with out all of the facts and without me knowing. I understand you are trying to help her or know what to say to her but no one that never been in a situation like that can ever know how it feels, how much emotional, physical, psychological pain that is constantly coming back to you.
I have been married for almost 3 years. Amazing for an unconsummated marriage eh? Well, I guess I have been blessed with a husband who understands what I am going through, loves me and supports me by continuing to be patient and reminding me it is not my fault. I have gone through surgeries, bi-weekly and weekly appointments with pelvic physical therapists, books and special programs, several psychologists and even a hypnotist...all in hopes to overcome what is called Vaginismus... a disease and condition that is involuntary and very painful on many levels. If this is what your sister in law has, then she should research this online and find a specialist because most gynecologists dont even know what it is and will treat incorrectly.
Concerning this dear sister of yours not appearing to mind at all, this could be a coping mechanism. After countless tries and fails, so many desperate attempts to "become one" physically with your husband, your self esteem just gets lower and lower and you feel like you arent even a woman anymore, just a thing that was made incorrectly and that can never have what "normal" people share together in marriages and what we are taught is the most sacred and fulfilling thing in the human relationship, the most ultimate expression of love... Imagine you still cant do that after all of the hard work you have put into it and after your desires and heart were and still are in the right place, yearning for those sweet babies to come and just to know your husband isnt disappointed. I never even knew something like this existed and it hit me with such a shock when I got married that it brought me very low and it has been a struggle to come back up. It makes you think you werent made to be a wife or a mother, or that you are psycho because even little teenagers can do it (hopefully not, but we know the world we live in), or that your husband is upset at you and that is why he doesnt want to come home early anymore, or you just dont understand why you cant control your own body or why it hurts so bad. It feels like it is all your fault and youre the one screwing up everything in the marriage. That is what it feels like.
After feeling all of that and even more, of course someone would want to take a break and it may seem like they are okay as they are. Psychology is a big part of the problem and so is being able to completely trust your companion. If there are problems in the marriage or the husband is growing impatient, it will never be fixed.
I am sorry if I took a lot of space, I just wanted to set some records straight. I do know the gospel and the commandments and I would sure love to be able to have that kind of relationship with my husband and be holding my own children as well. Please dont be too quick to assume and judge, just love and be more understanding.
