reader6213

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Something that has REALLY helped to boost my confidence, that can be done daily, is to read affirmations. You can do a google search, or create a board on PINTEREST. If you read them everyday, out loud, in front of a mirror, your subconscience starts to believe them. You end up transforming yourself into a confident person, in just a couple minutes a day.

Just a quick reply, from someone who's dealing with it ALL, from porn to prostitution. The porn sin is different from the other sins, because it DIRECTLY effects another person's physical/mental well being. If my husband were to have a beer at a local bar now and again, it doesn't effect how I feel about myself. It's not a good choice on his part, but it has little bearing on my mental/physical well being. I myself have had to go through 2 years of therapy to deal with what porn consumption, by my husband, has done to me and our family. I was a stable, happy, confident woman a couple years ago, I'm not that woman any more, and I don't know if I ever can be her again.

I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. Please know that you are not alone. I, too, have been dealing with a similar situation. I have been doing LOTS of research since I found out about my husband. You're doing the right thing by seeking outside help. Too many women let this kind of thing continue for years without taking a stand. (I'm assuming your husband started with pornography. This is a plague that is affecting our families, and so little is being done about it. The Priesthood Session of General Conference every six months is not going to help our men.) " By continuing to emphasize avoidance only, we shame the MAJORITY who are already caught in the addiction into screcy and guilt. We must extend a hand of healing and support to those trapped in secrecy, so there is a safe place for them to receive help." Donald L. Hilton Jr. "Recognize that MANY married men are secretly addicted, and we need support groups ready to help them emerge from addiction. Otherwise, we risk a natural acceptance of the secret pornography addiction that is already endemic in every demographic and religious body in the world, including our own (LDS). As men lose hope they will accept that pornography is, for them a reality that they will never overcome in this life. Support groups can lead to recovery and hope." Donald L. Hilton Jr. These quotes are taken from the book, "He Restoreth my Soul" an excellent book about Sex Addiction. It is scary though, how all encompassing this addiction truly is. I think I read somewhere that 1/4 of all "active LDS men" has a pornography issue. That number is staggering to me. Pornography is the beginning...where we are is where this addiction CAN lead. I am praying for you and your family, and all those that are suffering through this. I know that through our Savior, ALL things can be made right. If you need someone to talk to, you can send me a PM any time.

The same thing happened in my marriage, but I'm the spouse who was kept in the dark. My husband continued to act out because he figured, "I'm going to hell anyway. I can never tell my wife because she'd leave me for sure. My kids deserve to have a father." As a result he was "with" several other women over the course of four years. I had NO CLUE, so it is possible that your wife may never find out. I ended up finding out completely by accident, one of "the other's" info had not been deleted from his phone. IT ROCKED MY WORLD. I did end up leaving him temporarily. (4 month separation) He quickly decided having his family back was more important than continuing in his addiction. It sounds to me like you are in this boat too~ you love your family and wife. I'm not going to lie to you and say that things are "hunky- dory" now, but thanks to some great counseling, we are putting our lives back together. I love him now more than ever, because he's done a 180. (I think subconsciously, because he figured he was on the fast-track to hell, he just stopped trying. He didn't want to spend quality time with us, had a short temper, screamed and yelled at us all the time.) He's finally back to the man I married 15 years ago. I am in an excellent place spiritually thanks to my "new" understanding of the Atonement, and what my Savior suffered for me and all of us. This is what pulled me through, and it can pull your wife through too. Counseling is a must though for both of you. There are so many people that are keeping secrets from their "Forever Friend". This life is the time to get it out. This is the "test phase". Just speaking for myself here, but I'd be a lot more devastated when, in the after-life, I go with my Hubby to watch "his life movie" in front of all our family and friends, and all his lies and deceit pop up on the screen.~~ Just something to think about. Best of luck, I'll be praying for you both.

It's been four months since I found out my husbands secret life. I gathered lots of advice from you all, and am so appreciative of it. I took my decision to the Lord, and I know I need to work things out with my husband. Luckily, he's very repentant and is working so very hard on recovery. (We are in an amazing program for sex addicts and their spouses. It has helped a lot) The problem is, I have never felt more alone in my life. All the other ladies in my group are only dealing with pornography addicted husbands. They keep saying things like, "I think my husband wants this kind of woman, because that's what he looks at". Well, I KNOW my husband wants a different kind of woman, because he went out and paid for them. (I'm sorry if this is TMI, but I nursed four babies, and I'm not built like I used to be.) I take really good care of myself, I'm fit and stylish, but that's something I just can't fix ~ without a lot of money. I feel SOOOO down on myself about it, and I feel like I'm spiraling down into a dark place. I'm obsessing about it, thinking that when we're together he must be so disappointed. It just hurts so much! When you get married, as virgins, you have nothing to compare each other to. Now I feel like every time he's probably comparing me to the prostitutes with the big fake boobs. I can't talk to my friends about this... can anyone help?

I truly appreciate all the advice. Thank you. Maya, I discovered his secret by accident. I don't think he would have told me otherwise. He's willing to go through repentance, but we've been through this before ( he had pornography issues). He promised not to do "things" again. What he has done now is far worse than "just looking", because there were REAL women involved. Won't he just follow the same suit again....promises made and broken? Are there any trustworthy men any more?

I found out this morning that my husband is "cheating" on me. I consider it cheating, but he says it's not because it hasn't been "all the way". There is still nudity involved, and he's done it with 5 different women. My heart is broken, because we have 4 children all under the age of 10. The thing that is hardest for me, is that we've been doing all the "right" things. I thought we had a good marriage. This has really hit me out of left field. We go to church every week- all our meetings. We do FHE every week, read our scriptures every night as a family, family and couple prayer. We go to the temple monthly. His father did the same thing to his mother. She stuck it out, staying with him through 25 years of marriage. In the end he ended up leaving her any way. Now she's 50+ and all alone. Do I stick it out, hoping and praying that I don't end up alone in the end. Do I get out now, while I'm still young? Why is this happening to my family?