Roxie3

I have been in your position. In fact it has come up recently with my spouse and his infidelity. He does not see how I can ever forgive him. This is what I told him. "I may not be at the point of complete forgiveness but this is something that I have to do myself for myself. I made a commitment to keep my marriage together and work things out. This means that I can not dwell on the past. I don't ignore what was done by any means but I can not throw this in your face. It gains nothing but pain on both of our parts, and neither of us can heal." Please take what I said to him to heart. Bringing up this pain that happened before your marriage will gain you nothing. Go see a counselor and deal with this issue inside yourself. I can not stress this enough. You have to be able to give forgiveness. She has dealt with her repentance with the lord. If he has forgiven her you must too. Move forward in your marriage and try not to look back. Forgive yourself for your angry thoughts. Understand that sometimes those thoughts will creep up on you. But that means you must recognize that those thoughts are hitting you because the advisary is working on you knowing that this is a weakness for you. You have to stop those thoughts and mean feelings in their tracks when they happen. Stop and say a quick prayer for calmness. I did this so many times for a long time and it worked every single time to calm me down. In time I started to get angry at the advisary for working on me all the time and those feelings and thoughts slowed down considerably. They are still there at times when I am insecure but I now recognize them and stop them before they blow up at me. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, not your wife. Only the savior. Let the past be the past and forgive her for yourself. You can tell how anger and pain has festered in you. It is apparent that you do not like it. You can control this if you really want to but you have to take steps to do that. Those books previously mentioned are very good. Counseling will help.

He is not an alcoholic right now but he was the first time we separated 12 years ago. Plus his entire family are all alcoholics (and I am not exaggerating, and it is a big family) so he has a high chance of becoming one. I think he is just choosing this for no real reason. My girls are between 9 and 14.

Hello everyone I am 37 and have been married for 17 years. My husband has recently decided he wants to live the party life (mostly drink and get tatoo's). I have been through so much with this man including infidelity and I am at the point that I am not sure I love him enough to deal with this too. My temple sealing has kept me with him through all the bad times but I am at the end of my rope. I feel bad for wanting to give up but I am not sure my soul can take anymore. I care for him but am exsausted with all his emotional drama. I don't feel he is a bad man because after his repentance he really changed. But all of a sudden he has party friends and wants that life. I am worried for my 3 girls in ways but I know I am a strong woman and will do anything I need to to help them through this. My wonderful father puts it this way "You come from good strong German stock. You can get through anything." I feel so sad to see him destroying his life and the support he has at home but I know I can not make this better for him. I told him that once it is over my support of him is gone and he looked kind of shocked, but I mean it. I cannot worry about his state of anything when I have 3 girls to raise. I know it might sound cold but he will not be my problem anymore if he walks away. Does anyone have advice of how to emotionally deal with a pending divorce? I am sad but I think I am more fed up with how childish and selfish he is.

I am married to a man kind of like this. I can tell you that dealing with a man who has anger issues is eternally exausting. My husband is not physically abusive but he yells and flies off the handle a lot. Anger managment helped him for some time but unless he is willing to address the issue and stick with how to deal with his anger it will not help. I understand the feelings of guilt. I think my marriage is coming to an end soon and although with my beliefs I want things to work, all I can think of at times is how peacefull my home will be without him there, and how less stressed I will be in some ways. I feel bad about feeling that way, but it is kind of telling that I would feel some relief if he left. Ultimatly no one can tell you how to deal with this but as someone who has experience I will tell you that this is a never ending battle. Forgive yourself for the guilt and do what you feel is right. Pray about it and ask for priesthood blessings to help you.