imfinehowru

This is for her more than for you. She obviously feels a need to clear her consience so there are no secrets between you. This is an act of faith and love. Listen to her. Keep your thoughts, emotions, and mind focused on eternity and you'll be headed for wonderful years of experiences together.

I'm in agreeance with this. I watched "Passion of the Christ" and gues what, the torture and death of the Savior was, in reality, violent. If you have a testimony of the atonement, it really imprints what HE did, out of love, for all of mankind

Good advice. I plan on filling up my time with activities, and family history is a good one. Self pity certainly isn't a good quality. For me, it walks hand-in-hand with depression and they feed off each other. Time will have to wear this "mountain" down a little before I can overcome them completely. Thanks. I'll read it. As for my wife, she isn't very happy with me right now. In fact, we're going through a separation; a oceanic separation, in which I will be separated from my children. I don't think about it but it will be here soon. The thought of sending my children off from an airport without knowing when I'll see them again, is close to unbearable.

Thanks all for the replies. As a result of my aformentioned discliplinary council I was disfellowshipped for a year and I'm usually not a "downer" type person, but the pain from the consequences continue to build, especially with a family involved. I find myself pondering more and more about those foolish decisions, my character, my upbringing, my values, etc., and how they are all inter-related and meshed together. Not looking for excuses, just answers. I don't like myself more and more everyday. I've lost out on my chances of eternal happiness and I just need to come to terms with that. Do I sound too harsh on myself? Why shouldn't I be....I detroyed lives! Do I know God loves me? Yes. Do I love God? Only through my actions can I truly show that. Do I know I CAN be forgiven? Yes, through the power of the atonement. SHOULD I be forgiven? That's the real question!

Hello all. I've been reading the forums for some time now but never posted. I am going to my own disciplinary council today; a place where I thought I'd never have to be. I have a testimony of the gospel and of the atonement, but looking back it becomes so clear the subtleness of the adversary. I wasn't pushing forward with faith so I drifted backward and stumbled along the way, several times, until, in my weakened spiritual condition, the fiery darts penetrated my greatest weaknesses and I fell....and in doing so, severed a longstanding marriage and severely damaged relationships with my children. It's easy to see now, looking back on it with 20/20 hindsite, the choices that were there, that I ignored, embracing even more the carnal side and moving further away in blindness. Now I am to face the consequences of my actions and prepare myself for pain that, right now, seems lifelong. Especially in the knowledge that I've caused this upon my spouse...consequences that she must now face and deal with. I know many have gone through this and I've read much here and appreciate all of the advice and personal experiences posted here that people like me can use to not feel so alone. It is such a lonely and painful process. Imfinehowru (isn't that what I'm supposed to say?)