kimzirker

Of course I'm not going to start dad bashing with the kids!!! LOL. Well, maybe it's not so funny. Maybe some people might, but that's not me. I guess the real question is how on earth do you go from where I currently am back to normally functioning mom again and not emotionally scar the kids on the way? I'm guessing the answer is prayer. Lots and lots of prayer and constant effort. Haha, but I'm hoping for some kind of magic remedy instead? I do appreciate what you said about the online girlfriend though. As I read your reply I realize that me contacting her is just another way for me to try to control and manage my pain. He needs to make that decision, not me. If he doesn't break it off, well that will just speak volumes instead of me forcing the break. If he breaks it off, well, at least that's something. That was excellent advice and I feel good about that. Whew--you just saved me a few bucks on a disposible phone...

Suzie, I have just decided to not make any decisions until I've talked with the bishop. That happens on Sunday. I am not in the right frame of mind to really make any rational decisions at this point and I fully recognize that. All my instincts are telling me to GO CRAZY and LASH OUT and toss all his junk into the yard and change the locks and post his conversations on his facebook and go to his work and expose him, and slash his tires, and bust his car windows, and, and, and. Haha. So ya. I won't be doing any of those things. I'm staying calm and I'm being extremely prayerful and I'm going to talk to the bishop on Sunday instead. I'm hopefully going there together with my husband but who knows. I do agree with you though, that he really doesn't seem remorseful at all. He says that just because he isn't reacting the way I want him to react doesn't mean that he isn't sorry or doesn't feel bad. But, yes it does. I've seen him sorry. This ain't it. So just holding on until Sunday and then I'm going to make some decisions. :)

Of course, I meant revenge on HIM not HER! She's on a single's facebook. Why on earth would she think he was a married man with 5 kids? I have no feelings of hatred toward her at all. She's totally not at fault. He's lied to her the entire time. And revenge is really poorly stated and is certainly a VERY wrong reason to do anything. BUT, I'd be a liar too if I didn't say the thought of exposing him doesn't have a little revenge behind it. The main reason, however, would be to help herout of a terrible situation and put an end to it asap so we can try to heal and repair.

Two more questions. First of all--thank you for all the support over my husbands online relationship. I'm hoping that it is over, but who really knows. He still wants his ipad to be 'private' and has a passcode lock on it. He says he's not contacting her anymore, but then told me several lies that I know for a fact aren't true. Plus we've already established that he's a liar, so who can really believe anything he says these days? Ok, enough of that and on to the two questions. 1. Should I contact his online girlfriend and expose him? I have a way to contact her. I believe I can do it pretty anonymously using a different phone. The reasoning behind doing this would be two part. Part one--revenge. LOL. I'd like to sugarcoat it, but really that's what it is. It might help speed up the separation part of this whole mess. Part two--she's a victim too. He has lied to her about his age, marital status, child status, job, well--pretty much everything. So my heart kinda goes out to her for falling for someone she thinks is such a great guy but is really just a liar cheating on his wife. 2. For anyone else who's gone through this--how do you keep the kids as uninvolved as possible?? Of course, they know something is wrong. I'm crying all the time, my eyes are bloodshot, I'm irritable, I'm staring, I'm not sleeping. Dad, btw, is just dandy though. He's all smiles and Mr. Fun to the kids these days. Of course, I'm not going to tell them about his girlfriend, but if we do separate or even as we work it out--how much do I tell the kids? I'm finding it pretty much impossible to be the mom I normally am. I'm totally shutting down. My kids are 15, 13, 11, 8, and 6.

I guess I have to give it more time than just a couple of days then?? Haha. My gut tells me he's probably still involved with her right now and that's why he's acting the way he is. Well, if that's the case then that's it. Can't have both. And his relationship with her isn't even real. I can't force someone to be with me or be the kind of person that I deserve. It's so hard and scary just thinking I might be on my own with my kids. I've been a SAHM all these years, but was premed when we met. I have been going to school lately and I'm only a couple classes away from applying for nursing school in the spring. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and prayers. One day at a time, right?

Thank you for that information on the money. I'm not concerned about being left high and dry. If I stored away anything it would be some pocket cash. I am thinking that is completely unnecessary though-so not part of my plan. I'm not really looking for an exit strategy. I'm looking for healing. Both for me and my husband. I think it's possible, but I'm a pollyanna. Each day, though, I am becoming painfully aware that he doesn't even feel sorry. He had the audacity to be mad at ME and treat me poorly last night!?!? I'm just holding on until the meeting with the bishop on Sunday. It's really taking all I can muster up to not scream and go crazy. I'm being civil. Understanding. Helpful. But my heart is so broken. Each day I find that my understanding heart is getting more and more angry. 'Wait for Sunday. Wait for Sunday' is my constant mental chant.

Yes. Thanks for that advice. I actually already did that already. I feel ashamed for sneaking onto his phone to do that though, but I took pictures of everything and I am keeping it in a safe place. Even that just makes me feel dirty. Like a liar. Like I betrayed his trust. My state is a no fault divorce state anyway, so I'm not sure why I even thought to do it. Just didn't want him to be able to lie and get away with it.

I really do appreciate the replies. I am so shocked. He sent this girl flowers, had explicit texting conversations, told her he loved her, and started making plans to meet her. Last weekend he went to the city where she lives and visited her dance studio where she teaches. I approached it very well. And I think he responded well to that. But last night he was just angry and said he was done talking about it and it was time to move on. It hurt even more that he didn't even pretend like he felt bad. He SAID he felt bad, but he acted so arrogant and haughty. I just wanted to go postal. I want to just scream and yell and thrash around like a crazy lady!!!! I want to log onto that app and send her a picture of his family. (he pretended to be 28 instead of 40 and shes 22) We are seeing the bishop on Sunday though. I am hopeful that will help. I keep telling myself that he's not processing it and doesn't realize the magnitude of what he's done. But that really doesn't heal my heart. It makes ms feel alone and unloved. How do I continue to share a bed with him and not burst into tears every single second of the day? how do I keep the kids from knowing anything? I told them yesterday that I got some bad news about a loved one and that's why I was crying all day. Again-thanks for the support. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Can someone please tell me what I should do now that I've discovered my husband's online relationship? I'm so devastated. I talked with him today and I believe he will go see the bishop with me (don't count him there until he's there). He doesn't know that I've read the conversations or seen any pictures. He just knows that I know he was on a singles facebook and that he was involved inappropriately with a girl and that he broke our marriage covenants by sharing a part of his heart with someone else. Where do I go from here? Is there any hope of ever saving this marriage of 17 years and 5 children? Does anyone have any advice to help?