kimzirker

Well, to me the term emotional affair refers to an affair that doesn't include actual physical intimacy. In my husband's case, he never actually met anyone in person. He chatted, texted, called, skyped, emailed, etc. He had sexually intimate conversations, sent and received explicit pictures, told other girls he loved them. (None of them knew he was married, had 5 kids, or that he was 40 years old) An emotional affair involves all the regular affair stuff but none of the physical contact goodies. However, it doesn't seem to feel much different to me. The emotional withdrawl has been devastating to me and to our family. Knowing that he shared things freely with other women that I view as special and sacred and saved only for him, has been very difficult. He's working on getting back, but it's still very painful. It can be argued that emotional affairs are what lead to physical affairs. In my husband's case, I doubt he would have actually ever met anyone, but his betrayal to me is very real. I think that it would be easier to get over a one time insane sexual encounter. I hope that explains it better for you.

It is draining on the family and I'll be honest--there are times that I want to just run the other direction. We have had it rough. He is in therapy, but that's been pretty touch and go. At this point, things are looking better. He realizes he has a problem. Not necessarily beyond his anger problem, but honestly, if he can get a handle on that then that will solve 90% of the problems. Things did not really start getting better until I finally reached my limit. I realized that my behavior was actually making things much worse. In my attempts to make everything happy and perfect all the time, he was able to keep feeling entitled to perfection. I finally got tired of everything being my fault. One Sunday afternoon, he started in on another rant about nothing. When I addressed it with him, he was very angry with me, and said, "If you don't like it, then you can always just leave." It was like a light bulb went off. I said, "You're right. I don't like it and I don't have to put up with it at all." (And he loves to be right, so it was really a win-win) Then I packed up the kids, checked into a hotel and stayed for a couple of weeks. I didn't return any calls at all for a week, but finally I said that I would be willing to return to the house but only under a few conditions. No abuse, alcohol, or affairs. (I know--I'm very demanding....)I needed visual proof that all relationships had been severed. I needed to know all passwords. His phone and ipad were not allowed to have locks (or I needed to know the passcodes) and I would always have full access to them. He had to stay in therapy, go to sex addicts meetings, meet with the bishop, and go back to church each week. That was the turning point for us. My husband knows (because I told him very directly) exactly what behavior is not acceptable and now he knows that I mean it. And I really do. For anyone who is struggling with someone who has NPD--clear expectations are the key. Of course, I always say everything in a very kind and loving way, but I'm very clear. No sugar coating. And although his initial response might not be favorable, I don't budge, I clearly state what isn't acceptable, and then he modifies his behavior. This is not an instantanious transformation. It may take him a day or two, but it has been progressively getting better and faster. I hope some of this makes sense and is maybe helpful to someone else. :) Thank you all for your kind words and advice. It has been very helpful and comforting. Much love.

How long did it take you to understand your diagnosis? How did you find out that you had NPD. I have been told that it isn't treatable per se, but a person can learn to recognize the behavior and then modify it. I'm trying to work things out with my husband. It's been a very long, very exhausting road, but I truly feel like the spirit is guiding me in my choices so I'm just going to trust in that. One thing that has been very helpful is to set clear boundaries with him. Before, I just didn't want him to get upset (because that was a KABOOOM) so I took all the blame, covered up all the imperfections, and cleaned up all the messes. Now, I am not afraid of his anger. He cleans up his own messes. Sometimes he even comes home to a messy house! (I know...shocking) I'm making it a little light, but I had to make some real changes in how I dealt with him and although he may initially HATE my directness--he has accepted that things are changing and there is behavior that is never acceptable. I find that when I am direct (but loving) with what is expected, then he loves me enough to make those changes. My fear was if I started standing up for myself, then he would leave. Then I realized...SO WHAT? Let him leave. After that I was able to make the changes in myself that have really helped him. He's a million times the husband and father that he was a few months ago. We still might not make it. His choices have consequences, but for now we are both committed to trying and work through it. Any advice or thoughts you have would be much appreciated. :)

I'm looking for thoughts, ideas, personal experiences from peope who have to tried work out their marriages after their spouse had an emotional affair. How long until you feel better? How can you start to feel better? What can I do to start to feel anything for him again? Brief history is my husband has been diagnosed with NPD, cheated on me with numerous women for two years (online, but very, very sexual relationships), I found out 8 months ago, he cut off all contacts in January, and we are going to therapy and he's going to sex addicts meetings. It's been a long, horribly painful experience and I have tried to be very prayerful. I feel like if he's wholeheartedly willing to seek repentance then I am willing to stay in the marriage. I fully believe in the atonement and its application to him and to me. Trouble is... I'm so broken. I feel nothing for him at all. Don't get me wrong. We are acting very normal. We have 5 kids and they are all ok. I'm not wandering around the house in sobbing despair. Everything is business as usual, except, of course, for intimacy. I just don't know how to feel normal on the inside again. I know there's no standard time, just looking for some stories or thoughts to hold on to while I try to work through all this.

I'm coming in a little late onto this conversation, but I thought I'd add my two cents anyway. Tattered--tell someone. If not the bishop or family member, then a friend. I'm going through a very similar thing right now. When I first found out I wanted to keep it all 'in the family'....secret. Almost as if I didn't talk about it then it didn't really happen and I could just go on, heal, and pretend like I was happy. I tried that. It doesn't work. You need help. I'm a very strong, private person so it was very difficult for me to talk to someone about what was going on in my marriage. I wondered how the bishop would react. Would he look at my family differently? Would he hate my husband? And you know what? His support and love has given me and my children so much strength. I really wonder if I would have been able to survive at all these past few months without that. I was hoping I would feel better after a little time had passed, but it actually gets harder. As the initial shock wears off and as you come to grips with the reality of what your husband has done to your marriage, it will get much, much harder. Guaranteed. For me it's like a hollow, empty hole in my chest that constanly aches. I told my husband that I was going in to talk to the bishop because I needed to talk with someone about it and get some spiritual guidance. I told him he was welcome to come with me. Then I started seeing a therapist and I told my best friend. Those are the only people in my life that know anything about it. At first I was so worried about who would find out and what they'd think--please, please, please don't let that keep you from getting help. It's the ONLY way to move forward and to heal. You will not be able to do it on your own. The bishop must be involved if your husband honestly wants to repent and be worthy to participate in the blessings of his priesthood. I know it's hard. I know it's almost impossible to fathom. But your 'love of your life' husband has been cheating on you for half of your marriage. This is not something that you can brush under the rug and move on from. Something that my bishop told me that really helped me was this-- What would you tell your daughter to do if she were in the same position with her husband? Please take care of yourself (medically too). I wish you all the best in your journey moving forward. If you ever just want to talk/vent--you can email me anytime. It helps to talk. Even if it's to a stranger. :)

YAY! Great choice Shulace! You will look back years from now (Or even sooner) and fall to your knees and thank Heavenly Father for allowing you to recognize the toxicity of that relationship before you were too invested to get out easy (marriage, children). Counseling is awesome. :) Good luck to you!

Sister in Faith...That's such a sad story. I'm so sorry. The good news is that now that you know this about your mom, you can use that knowledge to not allow her to have power over you anymore. Maybe we need to form a support group on here!

It really is calming, isn't it? My husband is the same as ever, but I see him differently. I react to him differently. And I know he is getting help from someone who knows it about him. I am beyond happy that this thread has been helpful to someone other than just me. Yay! Knowledge is power. :)

Just a note to everyone. We are all narcissists. We all at one time or another make stuff all about ME! But the difference with a person with this disorder is that they don't recognize it. Ever. I can see and acknowledge when I'm being selfish. My husband is completely oblivious. All the time. Not just on occasion. One of the biggest parts for me is the lack of empathy. He can never ever see anything from anyone else's point of view. Other people's feelings are really just a side note and don't play any part in any consideration. He's a joy to be around as long as everything is perfect and everyone stays on the down-low. Here's a really crazy story. He was really excited about reconnecting with a great friend from college. I knew this friend really well. His sister was my best friend in high school. Anyway. He told me for several days how excited he was to reconnect and catch up and thought that maybe next time we were in Utah we could swing by and visit..... This friend called my husband and told him that last month his 2 year old daughter asperated on a tiny piece of apple and died. He told my husband how great it was to be able to talk with such a good friend about this tragedy. My husband made up an excuse to hang up the phone as soon as possible. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that he didn't have time to deal with other people's problems. And he never called back and avoided all contact with that friend ever since. It was such a surprise to me. I cried for weeks over their loss. (still do sometimes) Called him and his family and offered condolences. But my husband never batted an eye. It's so strange--this happened a year ago and I thought that was the weirdest thing ever. But now I know why he didn't want to have that relationship. Recent loss of a daughter is worth more attention than a new car. So sad. Anyway--what I'm trying to say is that everyone has symptoms of these at some time--so you'll see it everywhere. :)

RescueMom--it's almost as if you know me personally. Haha. Your posts are dead on. I'm not too worried about my husband turning people I love against me. Especially the kids. He's gotten so out of control the last few years that people have really started noticing. Particularly the kids. We all know that there is 'something wrong with dad'. I haven't ever discussed any details with them, but the kids see enough and go through enough. It would not be a problem. His behavior has been really crazy and he's not really been able to keep it as hidden from extended family as he previously has. One person in particular--his mom. She lives with us and has for 6 years. She's had a front row seat. So I'm sure he will be able to convince coworkers and maybe other people that don't know me or distant relatives that I'm a crazy loon. However, anyone that knows me will know the truth and that's all I really care about anyway. Like I said, I'm going to give it a few months. He can pretend for awhile and he's very good at doing it. However, like you said, the real person always comes out. So true about the real self and false self. I never really thought of that before, but you nailed that right on the head. NPD can't be cured. You are right about the sexual addiction. That really isn't the problem. Everything is the problem. He has to be the best dressed, drive the nicest car, have the coolest toys, newest everything. Recently he had plastic surgery on his nose. It's a neverending cycle of me, me, me, me, me. I don't think I could cut off ties with him completely. We do have 5 kids and he will have some rights there. But I'm sure the court would order some sort of supervised visitation, which means I doubt he will even bother. Plus if it ever came to leaving, I'm sure I'd have to get a restraining order. Guaranteed. It really all just centers around getting therapy. As long as he's going, then I'm willing to stick it out (and as long as he respects the boundaries I set). I did start preparing an exit plan though. I have a feeling that it will come to that. Mostly because I doubt he's really capable of change. But I am so very hopeful. I did not believe the therapist when she told me his diagnosis. I listed reasons why he could not have that. I just thought he might be bipolar. (and chances are he might actually be that too) So she told me to read up about it. I didn't leave the computer for three days. (not really. I am a full time student and I have 5 kids. haha) It was so shocking. It was as if these people were living my life here in my home. So I'm going to the temple. I'm praying and fasting as often as possible. And for now, I'm comfortable with the choices I've made to see how therapy goes. But I also feel confirmed that if any boundaries are crossed, then I need to go. And that makes me sad. And happy. And sad. And scared. Thanks again for all your help everyone. So good to just vent outloud (online to strangers...) and get fresh perspectives. I know that these are choices that I need to make myself, but it's nice to be able to talk them out on here anonymously.

Thank you again. It's been a very rough struggle, but somehow having a name to it has really helped me. It's true that he's always right even when he's totally wrong, but he'll have the scriptural references to back it up! Haha. Luckily I haven't allowed his mind games to totally mess me up into thinking I was the crazy one. Maybe that's why I'm thinking we might actually be able to do this. The real key is for him to continue with therapy. If that stops, then the marriage is over. I've set the needed boundaries. But I'm still kinda freaking out. Not really sure how much of a 'show' he's putting on for me. The therapist has told me that he's been willing to talk about very personal, hard things during their sessions, so she believes that if he stays in therapy then she will be able to help him. But that doesn't mean that I have to stick around for that. It's just sort of a waiting game for me right now. Some of you may be wondering what caused this to happen. It's purely speculation because the therapist is still working with my husband to find the source. But I have a pretty good idea. When my husband was a teenager (14 years old), he was a state champion gymnast and diver. That summer he got an extremely rare virus. It's the same virus that causes the common cold. Except that this virus attacked his spinal cord and left him paralyzed overnight. After a year of medication and physical therapy, he did learn to walk again--but with only about 70% feeling and strength in each leg. That is actually a miracle because most people die or are permanently in wheelchairs. So here's where it started. Mom and dad did EVERYTHING for their baby boy. They made everything ok. Consequences vanished. And here's the sad part. I can't imagine almost losing my child like that, so I can't blame them for cleaning up all his messes. When we got married, I didn't even notice anything at first. It wasn't really until children started coming to our family and my attention was elsewhere that I started seeing him change. And it's been a very dark and scary change. Anyway, that's where I am right now and I'm hoping that with some therapy, MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE, he might be able to be normal again. Therapist told me not to hope for that. But I can't help it. :)

Thank you all for your great encouragement and advice. Just as a side note, the therapist did not disclose anything to me about their private sessions except for the diagnosis and the reason she did that was for safety concerns. That's really all I'll say about that on here. There's a whole batch of crazy behind those reasons. I would have never thought he was a narcissist but now that I do all of a sudden everything makes sense. For now I'm just happy that he's willing to go to therapy and that she knows how to help him. Thank you for asking how I'm doing. Truth is, I don't really know. My first thoughts were--SAVE THE MARRIAGE, SAVE THE MARRIAGE! But now I'm really feeling--SAVE THE KIDS, SAVE YOURSELF! Haha. I've done a lot of praying and I have decided to give it a few months and see how therapy goes. I appreciate the comment on setting boundaries. This is something the therapist told me was the most important thing to do. I made a list of boundaries and had a long talk with him about those. He didn't really take very kindly to it at first, but after he calmed down I noticed that he was actually respecting those boundaries I set. I've had to restate them, but at least I'm feeling that safety is no longer a concern at this time. He's been very difficult to live with. Not that we haven't had great times, because we certainly have. But our not great times have been very not great. And always my fault (in his mind). And for the last few years the moments between the episodes has almost become obsolete. Therapist said he'd always be a narcissist, but the goal is that he will learn to recognize the thought process and modify the behavior. So I guess I'm in for now.

Well. That the clincher. He doesn't know he has it yet. He is seeking therapy right now to deal with his anger and infidelity problems. She said it was amazing that he even saw those were issues. (Although he really only views the anger as a problem--but that's another story) She told me that she wanted to keep him in therapy working on those things as long as possible before she told him so that they could have a trust built up enough that he'd believe her and then treat that. I'm not supposed to say anything about it to him at all. For now. She is very good at what she does and my husband has actually responded very favorably to her help so far. Which is a complete surprise.

Does anyone know anything about dealing with a spouse that has Narcissistic Personality Disorder? We are going through counseling (both together and separately) and the other day the counselor tells me that my husband has this disorder. I was shocked. After reading up on it all I could, I'm inclined to agree with her, but it's still a shock. Has anyone ever encountered this? Most things I read were, frankly, hopeless as far as saving the relationship. Pretty much everything I read said RUN!!!! I am just trying to be realistic. We have five kids. He cheated on me with multiple girls online. They were very explicit relationships. This is why we started going to therapy. I'm really at a loss of words on her diagnosis. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

I think it's silly to blame yourself. She cheated. We all have faults and that's just a part of life. You mean your wife is wonderfully perfect in everyway except for the fact that she cheated? Ridiculous. She made her own choices and you are not to blame for those choices. I'm going through a slightly similar situation myself right now. You're not going to trust her. Not for a long time-if ever. But don't let that control your life. She is responsible for her own actions. No amount of hanging around and checking up on her will keep her from repeating if that's what she chooses to do. I see where you are coming from though. I have the same feelings and tendencies. I want to get back to normal ASAP. But it just doesn't happen that way no matter how much we try to control the situation. The only thing to do is work on you. And you alone. Change your bad habits and bad choices and pray for her in your private prayers. Keep praying together and reading the scriptures together. Do nice things for her. Then allow her the agency to make her own choices and live with the consequences of those choices. I'm struggling with that last one right now. You won't be able to love her enough to make her change. It has to be her choice. Stay strong and good luck to you.

Yes. I agree Gwen. We are going to counseling. But to be perfectly honest, it's not going so well. I believe separation is in the cards for me. I feel very good about trying counseling. But at the end of the day--I'm a one man woman and his little fantasy world does not fit in my life-or my kids'. The part that's so hard is that it's so unexpected. So out of the blue. I'm just kinda walking around in a state of numbness. It's easy for me to survive there (I'm also a victim of incest), but I'm not the same gal I was back then. I actually expect to be treated with respect and love. It's a hard situation for me and I'm trying to make sure I am making the choices that are right for me. I'm being prayerful, very prayerful and trying to go with what I feel good about. But I truly do believe that God knows me and is aware of my pain, hurt, sorrow, and worries. I know He will lead me, guide me, walk beside me as I stumble through this time. I really do appreciate all the responses and advice. It actually helps just to talk about it with someone. And by someone I mean all the random strangers on this forum. :) Thanks everyone!

I hardly think I'll ever look back at this moment and laugh over the whole thing. LOL. The idea is laughable though. There will never be anything funny or humorous about the pain he has put me through or his emotional affair. The rest of your post is spot on, however. He does want to be younger. He has also chosen to exercise hours a day (although he is already in great shape), learn to play the guitar, buy a sportscar, take up cyling, and get a nose job. Now--I do see myself looking back and laughing over some of THAT! (I already do). I think the worst part is that I caught him and he didn't come to me. It's much more serious than my original post let on. He had plans to meet up with the original girl, had very intimate conversations, and had been telling her he loved her for months. Then the new girls--(I found the same day he started up again so nothing too serious had started up yet) he was pretending to be a single dad and sending and posting pictures of my children to these girls. Not only that, but he shared personal intimate details about me to them--distorting the details to make it look like he was such a supportive person, but I had left him. He says he resents me for invading his privacy and taking away his agency to choose to tell me about it. Says he's being forced to repent because of it. Then in the same breath, he's so sorry and loves me and wants to work on our marriage. The whole thing is crazy. I just keep shaking my head in unbelief. But what you say is true--I do have to just let him do the repenting. It has to be him, not me. That just doesn't make living through it any easier. Thank you so much for your post. :)

Well, I actually have a better relationship with my inlaws than I do with my own parents! That's their choice, not mine. I've spent years and years bridging the gaps, but in the end they always find a way to dig another one. It's such a stress all the time. When I was really struggling with this I went to see my stake president and he told me that 'you can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you.' That just really hit home to me. So my best advice is do the best you can. Be kind, be curteous, pray that your relationship will improve, and then give the rest to the Lord! I know this might sound callous, but the less I talk with my parents-the more peace I feel in my heart. Whenever my children were around them I cringed all the time. So many stories, jokes, behavior, movies, tv shows, language, etc that they were exposed to every time we were around them sent chills down my spine. We used to do a 'detox' session after each visit where we had to tell the kids that story gma told wasn't true, that show was inapproapriate, that language was not good, we love the people but we don't have to love their choices, etc. I didn't take all this lightly though. It took me about 5 years to really be ok with not having a relationship with my mom (dad died). It always bothered me, it always hurt. In the church we are taught to turn the other cheek, love and obey our parents, forgive, etc. But in the end, you can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you--no matter how hard to try to force it to happen. Your heart is in the right place-so I'm sure that you will make the decisions that work best for you and your future family. Good luck to you!

Thanks everyone. I pondered on posting anything, but I'm actually glad that I did. We have talked at length about what he's going through. He feels a bit like you (fixings) where he's pretty focused on his regrets and what not. I think they are silly. Anyone would. He's got a great career, great house, dream car, loving wife, 5 amazing children, really everything.... It's crazy. It's irrational. So I'm trying to hang in there and be supportive and yet not TOO supportive. It's a hard line. I never thought I'd be dealing with anything like this EVER. Why in the world would he be messing around with girls on the internet pretending to be single? I try not to focus too much on that. Otherwise I think I'd lose my mind. Right now I'm going to just do the best I can, talk to the bishop often, and go to marriage counseling. But it's ok if I'm still totally devastated right? I'm trying to keep it together, but sometimes are harder than others. I feel like if I don't keep it together then it will all fall apart. Then I tell myself it's ok to fall apart because then maybe it can be put back together better. Ok, I'm rambling again. Just thoughts. Thoughts I can't say outloud because I'm so busy trying to keep it together for me, him, and my kids. Anyway, thank you so much for the advice and the encouragement. This is one wild and crazy life.

oh yes. i know that. Just kind of thinking out loud. Advice, support, understanding and sympathy welcome. :)

I'm wondering how many chances a person gets? It's a vague question. My husband and I have been through so much together. I think there's a chance to fix our relationship, so I just keep holding on. The latest problem is dealing with his 'midlife crisis'. He's turning 40 and just can't handle it. This started a barrage of very weird erratic behavior that is totally out of his character. Among other things, he started having a relationship with a much younger girl online. It was just online, but very intimate. I'm still working on the healing from that and probably will be for a long time. We saw the bishop together several times and it really seemed to make things better for a time. Everything was still strained, but I could slowly feel him coming back from lala land. At least until last night. We had not been getting along the last few days. Not really arguing, but not really talking either. As I was walking by the couch, I noticed that he was on that site again and he quickly closed the screen. He told me nothing inappropriate was going on and that it was none of my business. We had a long talk. Then after he fell asleep I looked on his ipad and sure enough, he had made a new profile for himself--a single dad with four girls! (He doesn't know that I know his passcode lock) I was horrified. How could he share pictures of my children on a site like that??? I erased all the apps. I couldn't leave those pictures on there. Not of my children. I will talk to the bishop today, but I'm wondering--when is it enough? I feel in my heart that this is just a really weird 'phase' he's going through and it will pass. But I'm not sure if my sticking in there power can hold out much longer. We have a large family and leaving would be incredibly difficult. I feel like if it's fixable then it's not worth the pain it would cause the children. But I'm also feeling that he needs a taste of what he stands to lose if this type of behavior keeps going. I'm sort of babbling now, but these are the thoughts going through my mind this morning. I could see that he just set up the account yesterday evening, so at least it hasn't gotten out of control again.

You clearly don't have the spirit with you. You clearly cannot make LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS with your current frame of mind. So here's what you do. Do what you've been taught is the right thing to do. No what if's. No excuses. Just do that and let the chips fall where they may. Tell your wife. Talk to your bishop. End your affair completely. My guess is you'll get a surprisingly wonderful feeling of clarity after you've done these things. Time to put on the big boy garments and fess up. You'll be amazed at how relieved you'll feel after you've done this. Sunday is right around the corner--go in to the bishop first. (Also--not telling your wife and leaving her and repenting on your own is selfish and cowardly. It's not for her. That's for you. Part of repentance is confessing and making it right. No way to get around telling her.) Best of luck to you--YOU CAN DO IT!

I couldn't agree more with every single thing Gwen posted on this thread. If you were smart, you'd do exactly what she advised. I was talking to a Stake President friend of mine recently and he gave me the best words of advice I've ever heard. "All truth is good. Even the potentially hurtful, painful, terrible truth." I couldn't agree more. Tell her. Talk to your branch president. Keep the kids on the 'need to know' list at the right time and in the right amounts. Everyone struggles. I've spent more than a few years of my life going through the motions of church activity and callings. Don't cheat yourself out of an honest relationship with your wife. She deserves that and frankly, so do you. Witholding such a huge thing from your wife might work for now, but in the long run it will not benefit you, her, the branch members, your students, or your kids. Good luck to you.

I appreciate your reply just a guy. The crying is well under control these days. It was just the original shock of it all. And me wanting to be a fixer of everything. I'm back to normal. Crazy Kim only lasted a couple of days. I still get emotional, but I do it privately. Things are not great at home. There is a tension and my husband is starting to make quite a show of it all. I believe he will be moving out soon and to be honest, I'm pretty relieved. (I believe this because I told him he needed to do that). I have no idea what the future holds for me and my family at this point, but I do know that it doesn't involve my husband having a wife and a girlfriend. :) (Came home from the store today to find him online with his girlfriend again). I'm ready to do what's best for me and my kids. Period. No revenge needed. I'm at peace that the Lord is by my side and I will depend on him to give me the strength to endure this bump in the road.

Thank you so much for that reply. It really touched my heart. I talked to an old stake president of mine from years ago yesterday. He is a close trusted friend. I told him the whole story from start to finish (2 hours worth). His advice to me was to tell my husband everything I knew about the online relationship. EVERYTHING. He said my husband would never heal until he hits rock bottom. His best advice was similar to what you just said. Basically I have to make the decisions that are best for me and my kids. I don't need to make the decisions that are best for my husband. That's his job. So is it best to stay or go? He said his priesthood advice is that that if both parties are willing then through the healing power of the atonement anything can be made whole and new again. Then he said his fatherly advice is that he's tired of seeing me get hurt by this man and I need to take steps to protect myself and my kids. (longer story...) So he made reservations at a nice restaurant for us yesterday and then we saw a movie. It was a nice night out. When we got home I told him everything. It was really really hard. He was upset. Haha. Mad at me for going through his stuff. Tried to blame me for everything over the sun. Then told me he wanted a divorce. I told him that I was ok with that choice, but I was also willing to try and work through it with him too. He did not want to do that. He did say he wanted to be friends though and that he would continue to support us financially and finish helping me through school. What was strange to me is that I hardly even shed a tear when I talked with him last night and this morning I actually woke up with the greatest feeling of peace in my heart. It's been a long long time since I've felt any peace. He may change his mind when he hits rock bottom, but either way--I'm ok. I'm a survivor. I did nothing wrong. I've kept every covenant I ever made to him. At the end of the day though I deserve someone willing to do the same for me and so do my kids.