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Found 17 results

  1. I have been inactive for 4 years. I had an affair on my husband 3 years ago (it lasted close to 3 months, no se/oral sex but sexual things, lots of texting, hanging out etc). He knows of the affair-every little detail. We have worked through it and our marriage is stronger than ever before. I want to come back to the church. I have been prompted a few times in the last 6 months and even more so in the last month that I need to return to church and that I need to get back to the temple. This is a huge change in direction for me as I have not felt the desire to return and had even thought about leaving the church all together. I cannot deny this prompting. My husband is not ready to be active again so it will just be me. We have moved and will be going to a brand new ward. I plan on meeting with my bishop soon. My question is what should I expect? If I follow the Lords prompting and then get excommunicated I will be devastated. What do you think will most likely happen?
  2. I suppose this is a bigger problem to me than I dreamed. But something happened recently that has me in turmoil yet again. A brief background. My marriage was over 4 years after it began. This was a LONG time ago. I had and continue to have strong beliefs that my ex was in an adulterous affair...but no proof other than the circumstances. My sealing was cancelled 3 weeks after application....a record at the time so I feel the Church recognized that too. I moved on with my life, or so I thought. Fast forward 30 years. Out of the blue I get a letter from a bishop telling me my ex wants to be sealed in the Temple to his "new family". The bishop wants information from me about the divorce and its reasons etc. Talk about opening Pandora's box! Finally, and very reluctantly I provided the requested information, actually having to respond twice when the bishop told me my ex was denying everything. This was excruciating for me though not unexpected. I had not really dealt with the infidelity....not for all those years. It caused a crisis in my life....every single aspect of my life....that to some extent continues to this day. The thing that bothers me is after I provided EVERY detail the leader requested which left me emotionally and spiritually shattered, I was told I would not be informed of the outcome. The 1st Presidency could either allow the sealing immediately, allow it, but later, or not allow it. I thought I could be okay with that but 4 years afterward I find the truth is Im not. My ex was a liar and a cheat and even though he isnt fooling God, I have every reason to believe he tried to fool the Church....yet again. Can I do anything about it if he was allowed to be sealed again? No. Will it make a difference in my life? No. But occasionally people bring this up and ask questions and it pours salt in the wound yet again. So I would like to know whether they did or did not go to the temple. It would provide closure of a sort for me. Short of asking my bishop or asking him.....neither which Im ever gonna do....is there a way I can find out if they went to the temple? He lives several hundred miles away and I dont have the means for a PI. Anyone with experience in this area.....Id love to hear from you. PS. Im not looking for a sermon on forgiveness or on the atonement. Ive heard it all, and tried it all. This has been nearly 40 years in the making. Nor can I afford therapy over it even though it might be needed. So please dont waste my time and yours unless you have useful, practical info to add. Thank you.
  3. Hello, I am new here. I've read a few threads here and feel like people here are mostly kind and non judgemental, which is what I need. My husband and I have been married 19 years. In the beginning it was a fairy tale romance like I'm sure so many are at first. But our marraige over the course of 15 years or so, slowly began to deteriorate. A big theme was I felt a lack of affection from him, and he thought I nagged too much. But I wasn't aware of any major problems, until one day I found out he was involved in an emotional affair with a family friend, from church no less. I pretty much lost it. I was also 5 months pregnant which didn't help the raw emotions. My husband wasn't very apologetic for a while, insisting he never touched her, so technically he didn't do anything wrong. I mean, he would sometimes aplogize, but my anger probably hindered a super sincere apology. And there was some occasional communication between them for a while after which was like ripping a scab off over and over. It drove a huge wedge between us. He would tell me he didn't mean to fall in love with her, it just happened, but it was over and I needed to get over it. Which made me furious beyond words. I was angry for several months but eventually accepted it, that it was behind us. FF a year and he was still telling me he wasn't sure of his feelings for me anymore since he realized with her what it was like to feel 'in love' again. I really wanted to punch him but mostly I got angry or cried. I had a new baby and hormones, etc... it sucked. But I put my energy into my little newborn. Well, as this drug on, I became more miserable. I lost all my baby weight and then some because I couldn't eat. I got very thin, to the point people went from compliments to concern. He told me because of how I treated him after his EA, he didn't know if he could love me again. I admit I was angry. I lashed out more than once. I wish I could've handled it better. Then I met with my life insurance agent one day. And for some reason I started telling him what was going on. I figured, not someone in my circle, but maybe I could finally have a listening ear. Turns out things weren't so great with his wife either which he readily admitted. Next thing I know we are texting and he was moving fast, telling me how beautiful I was, yadayadayada. I know. I should've known. I should've stopped. But the attention felt like a cold drink of water and I felt powerless to stop. Long story short, I didn't stop till it was too late. We didn't have intercourse, but we didn't stop very short of it either. It went on for a few months before I pulled my head out of my, you know. Then life sucked worse than before. I went to my bishop, told my husband, and my world got a whole lot darker. I felt good ending things and coming clean. But obviously I was looking for love in the wrong places and it was awful telling my husband what I did. I felt like the scum of the earth. Still struggling with those feelings of worthlessness and forgiving myself. I learned the hard way how painful breaking the commandments is and would rather die than do something so stupid again. And, its scary how easily it happened because I am so 'not that kinda girl', only I was for a few months. Now, 2 years later, he's decided he wants to leave. He thought he could make it work for a while there, but had decided he needs to move on and, I guess like he says, he is fully justified since I committed adultery and he did not. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I'm also pretty sure I never would have got into that mess if he hadn't gotten involved with someone else and told me he didn't love me anymore, etc etc. My concern is that maybe he's right and it is all my fault...i just don't know how anyone can love me again after what I did and that scares me immensely. So, I was hoping for some thoughts and perspective here. How do you forgive yourself when you see the worst in yourself? I've never made any big mistakes in my life, then I go and do that. There aren't words for how awful I feel about it. But at the same time, I also have to figure out how to pick up and move on. And somehow I have to live wth what I did and still love myself. I just don't know how. Any one else here had to forgive themselves of something so major and how did you do it?
  4. ok so we get ppl coming here a lot looking for advise on their marriage. the same links get posted... usually cause even though the names and details have changed to protect the innocent the answers/story is still the same. so i thought we could have a thread not to discuss specific marriage problems but just links of good resources that can be referenced when the occassion arrises. they can be links to talks from the church leaders, different marriage/self help books or programs, websites, etc. so it's not really a discussion thread so much as a resources for your marriage thread. however, please throw in why you posted a specific talk or if you have read it and found it useful if you like. i'll start with ones i recommend or have seen recommended and yall can throw in as you see fit. first the church resources LDS Family Services lots of info there including how to find an lds counselor in your area. if finances are a problem speak with your bishop. another church location that may have some info you are looking for... Home & Family- Building a Strong Family outside of the church resources... remember most websites have free email news letters that can have awsome information. Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice this one has the book "his needs her needs" as well as others by the same author (willard f. harley, jr. ph.d) Marriage Counseling - Free Marriage Help – Save Marriage - Stop Divorce - Marriage Problem Solving (this one has a great free emails that come regularly) Pamper your LDS Marriage with a "Magnify Your Marriage" Retreat! this guy is lds in case that matters to you. Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment this one is also lds and has a lot of focus on the sexual difficulties in marriage that may not be addressed in other resources. the movie "fireproof" and the book that inspired it "the love dare" often get suggested, here is the official site... Welcome To FireProofMyMarriage.com The Five Love Languages this one gets recommended a lot this one is also lds DeseretBook.com - For All Eternity that's all i can think of off the top of my head....
  5. Hi all! I've been married to my husband, and best friend, for 20+ years. The majority of these years he's been plagued by a pornography/sex addiction. In the beginning I tried to be supportive, I asked what I could do to help, etc., He said he'd get control of it himself. Little did I know, it was not something he could take care of himself. His addiction grew from viewing pornography occasionally, to viewing it daily, to eventually committing adultery with numerous women over the course of about 5 years. After I discovered this ( I honestly think he would have taken the secret to his grave) I became angry and separated from him. We have 4 kids, and I knew they needed their Dad, so I agreed to work on things, if he would get into intensive therapy. Well, he did! Yay! Things were looking up, and I was able to forgive and forget and we moved forward. Fast forward 7 years....things are getting bad again. He's having "slips" more often, and instead of being transparent with me, he hides it. I'm terrified. I put so much into getting this marriage "back up and running" and I feel like he's throwing it all away. I'm starting to fall into a depression, knowing I will NEVER be enough for the man I love. I try so hard every day to make him feel like #1-- I text him "love messages" throughout the day, give him my undivided attention when we're together, we go on weekly date nights, I fulfill his needs in the bedroom, but it will never be enough. He tells me I'm beautiful, but I no longer believe him. I'm sad, and I don't know where to go from here. He could get into therapy again, but we paid hundreds/thousands of dollars for therapy over the course of 3-4 years, and if he won't use the tools they taught him, it's useless anyway. Should I just end things?
  6. I need help! I know this post is daunting; it's a list of everything my husband has done to me so if you want, you can skip to the end. I have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children, a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. My husband has had a history of cheating on me and I have no trust in him, but for some reason I never go through with getting a divorce, even though I know it's what's best. Here's the story: When I was pregnant with our son was when I first found sexual text messages on his phone (summer of 2011). He had been texting a girl the night before asking what a sexy girl like her does for fun, asking if she likes watching porn, etc. He said it was a girl from work (he's a general contractor) and that they've never hung out & that it was the first time they've spoken. There was also a different girl that he had met at work that he would always go running with and sometimes wouldn't even come home until 1 or so in the morning! He made me feel like I was crazy for not letting him have any friends that were girls and we always argued about it. I first found out about her when I saw text message conversations and he would totally flirt and say things like "anything for you". I thought all this would stop after we had our son. I was wrong! Soon after we had him, I kept finding more text messages, one time someone had even sent him a picture of herself topless. He claimed he didn't know who she was or why she sent it to him. Things were going somewhat well a little after that, but than he had to go to AT (training for National Guard) for 5 months (summer of 2012). Soon after he left, my phone stopped working so i had to use his old one. I looked up the internet history on his phone and saw that he had looked up TONS of escorts in our city! They advertised for massages.. I looked up our cellphone history and saw that he had contacted tons of them via text and phone calls. I confronted him and he said he has never done anything with any of them, he usually just dials the number and than hangs up. By this time, I was considering being done with him, but he said he'll change, etc etc. Towards the end of him being in training, I saw a couple of charges for hotels and he said it was because they went swimming... When he came home, I thought everything would be okay, but I noticed him texting someone a lot and he said it was a friend from training. When I read some of the conversation, there was a lot of flirting going on and he once again got mad at me, saying he should be able to have friends that are girls. A couple of days later, I was looking through all his things from training literally hoping I'd find something and I sure did. I found a letter from this girl saying she'll never sleep with a married man again and that he's still a good person, etc. He didn't know I found the letter and when I confronted him, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about! It wasn't until a couple days later, after I said we should separate, that he admitted to it and begged me to stay, that it wouldn't happen again etc etc. I decided to give him another chance. Soon after, I got pregnant again and was excited because I thought this time he'd for sure change. Beginning of last year (Jan 2013) I saw some weird charges on our account and saw that he had joined a social network who's slogan is "Life is short, have an affair". I saw that he had yahoo chats with a girl on there talking about [moderator edit] etc, really bad stuff. I also downloaded an app on his phone that allows me to see all of his text conversations and internet history on his phone. This is how I found out he was basically dating a girl. He took her to dinner, they would go to the dog park together, etc. After their date to dinner, he text her and said "It was nice getting to know you with your clothes on". He was also still contacting escorts. This time, I was sure I was going to get a divorce. But after I confronted him, he claimed it's because he'd been out of work and had been having a hard time and he once again begged me to give him one last chance. I gave in. We found out we were having a girl and once again, I thought he'd for sure change! Baby girl was born in July 2013 and things were going good until recently. He had been out late one night and said he hung out with his old friend from college, but I was suspicious. I still have that app on his phone that tracks his messages, but he is aware of that. I thought it was weird that I didn't see any conversations with this "college friend" about hanging. What my husband doesn't know, is that this app also tracks where he is. I saw that he had been in a city that's quite far from where we live. A couple of days later, I see some ATM withdrawals for around $100 plus $30 to the movies on our bank account. About a week later, my kids and I stop by our house that my husband is building to visit him and he's not there... I look on the tracker and he's in that same city as before... I call him and he says he has to go to the "Lowes" out there to get something. A couple of days later, there's a $30 charge to iHOP. After all this has been going on, I start wondering if he's gotten a second cell phone so another day, I randomly stop by our house he's building and while he was walking around with our son, I hurry and looked in his truck and guess what I found? A cheap Cricket phone! I hurry and looked and only had time to read one text and it said "I want your sexy body all over me". He was starting to walk towards the truck, so I hurried and put it back and acted like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he knew i found it. Once again, i had decided i should get a divorce, but when I confronted him in October 2013, he said he's changed and begged me to wait until January 2014 to make my final decision. And here I am again, giving him another chance. I know have a tracker on his computer and I can see that he's still very addicted to porn and looking at models/actresses and he's still contacting escorts every so often. He's even tried getting an escort to come to our house! Not to long ago, I saw a text conversation that went on while he was home alone trying to coordinate a time for the escort to come over, but none of them were available so it didn't work out. To this day, he claims he's only cheated on me the one time with the one girl. He's NEVER come to me about anything. Everything listed above are things I've discovered on my own. I have no trust in him. He went to the Bishop back in sept. 2012 after I found out about him sleeping with the girl in GA, but he hasn't told the Bishop about anything since and he says he's temple worthy. And we did do counseling for awhile. I feel like I've tried everything. I've prayed about it, gone to the temple, talked to our Bishop, etc and I have felt "good" about getting a divorce, but for some reason I never go through with it. All day, every day, I just sit and think about it and I'm miserable. I need help
  7. I find myself in a very awkward situation. Not just awkward, but a personal and heartbreaking situation. The reason for my post is to anonymously post my situation and get peoples feedback and opinions. So yeah. Once again, awkward and heartbreaking situation. I find myself facing divorce. My husband and I have been best friends and known each other for 10 years, married for 5 of those. And we have two amazing children. Last year our relationship and my husband went threw an incredible difficult year. My husband didn't know if he made the right choice marring so young, if he still wanted marriage or his freedom, and was struggling with anxiety and depression. Because of these personal conflicts our relationship suffered greatly. The out come was my husband turning to drugs and alcohol as an escape and ended up having both an emotional and sexual affair. We separated after he finally confessed to what I had suspected all along and he mocked me for thinking such things....but they turned out to be true. After the separation my husband received some clarity and realized what a huge mistake he had made and how much he missed and loved me, couldn't live without me. So I agreed to try again, because I loved him, and I would feel stupid for not giving us a real chance of fixing this. So he promised to never contact her again, never do drugs again, get medicine to help with the anxiety and depression, and go to counseling. On top of that he said he would try to gain back the testimony he lost. So we were happy, bought a house together and were making real progress. months later he confesses he had a relapse with the drugs (three months earlier cause he thought he wouldn't need to tell me cause it was just a slip up) well in this slip up he had sex with her again.....and got her pregnant... He didn't want to have sex with her, I know that, and he told her that, he just wanted drugs....well she wanted more, and gave him a little more drug then he wanted and..well you know what happened. So it was a mistake that led to dire consequences. And I was originally willing to work with him on his problems. but im not so sure this is something we can work past anymore. We will have a living breathing reminder, forever. And yes he promises to be better and more aware of himself, but he is also afraid of himself, he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me more. And he is self aware and knows right now it might be easy to give up drugs but worries that he might change his mind in the future, worries he might WANT an affair in the future. And if he cant trust himself to not repeat these major offences how can I? After him already breaking my heart and trust twice!? We love each other and want to be together, we ultimately are perfect for each other, but with the choices he made I don't know if we can go forward. For the first time I don't know if love is enough. And if it does happen again there will be so much pain, anger and hate. I don't see myself being so forgiving a third time. So for us and our kids we think its better to end things now, on good terms, without risking making things worse. Is this the right choice? Should we press forward and not fear the "what if"? Is love enough? Is this a cowards choice? Or is this a healthy choice, smart and logical? What would you do?
  8. Earlier this year my wife had an affair and wanted to leave me. I fought it and worked hard on our marriage, but fixing our relationship was not what she wanted. She has filed for divorce and we are working on the arrangements. This is all so unfamiliar to me. What should I be thinking of and doing, especially legally? Have you been through it? What are you glad you did, or wish you did? More about the nature of our situation: - we have children. will have joint custody and 50/50 parenting time. My wife is leaving the church, but has said she will raise the kids mormon. I'm not sure what that will end up looking like. - she has consistently been pursuing her relationship with the other man, including frequently taking our children with her to be with him and his son at his house, at events, out to eat, and so on. - We have been married 15 years. For the past 7 years I put my career on hold to be a stay-at-home father so she could pursue her professional dream as a doctor while still having a parent at home. - We are now separated, I am renting a small house nearby, and am now working part-time. I have a lot of other emotional things going on, of course, but want to focus on one need at a time. Thanks for any counsel you can offer.
  9. I have been married for nearly 17 years. I adore my husband. He is not perfect, but he has so many good qualities. When things are good, I am happy. It is the inbetween parts that are destroying our marriage...and truthfully me. My husband has had on/off problems with pornography. This was the biggest cause of strife in our marriage until we had been married for 4 years. My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I discovered it and it stopped before things got physical. We moved out of the area and things were great (excluding occasional pornography problems) for the next several years. My husband had a full-on affair with another co-worker (which he fully admitted to). I wanted to work on us, but he wouldn't come home. He refused to meet with me and the Bishop. So after a few weeks, I packed our house up and moved closer to family for support. 2 months later, he woke up and realized what a huge mistake he had made. Truthfully, I was mad. I had already filed for divorce. I felt like he was out playing and "honeymooning" with someone new. I was looking forward to a happy ending of my own someday. However, I prayed and fasted and counseled with my bishop. I couldn't deny the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that I needed to try and fix our marriage. We did it though! Our marriage was really good for another several years.. Then it happened again. This time, my husband hasn't admitted to anything. He calls me "crazy" and tells me she is just a friend. On our cell-phone bill, he talked more to this woman than he did to me. Phone calls ranged from 5-15/day. Plenty of text messages too. I noticed on his smartphone all his apps, he was following her on every app he had. (None of his other coworkers showed up except for on FB). He lied about dumb things..and once again destroyed all trust in our marriage. I was upset and he promised I was the most important thing in his life and he would have no further contact with her. He lied...he did...phone calls decreased, but continued. I found out, he got mad and told me then if I am going to be controlling, he wants a divorce. After several days of brooding and sleeping on the sofa, he apologized and said he would really cut her out of his life this time. So, he deleted all his apps and blocked her phone number. I checked the phone bill and he told the truth...no contact. Something still didn't feel right and I found some very flirty comments online back and forth to each other. It made me sick. The love of my life was saying things I would love to hear from him to another woman. Because these were online, he feels he has honored his promise to break all contact with her... I feel so betrayed again. I feel like the biggest idiot ever! When you add up these incidents that occured over the span of my marriage, it leaves me feeling hopeless. My husband has been sleeping on the couch for a week. He tells me he loves me and I am the only one he wants. On one hand I believe in the atonement, and there is room for everyone to repent and put their life back together, but on the other hand, I feel as if he is making a mockery of our temple marriage. When he says 'I love you", I don't believe him anymore. I know I love him with all my heart, and I could never do anything so heartless and cruel to him. He is trying to save our marriage (which is what I was always the one to do up until this point). I don't know if it is worth saving anymore. I feel so empty and lost. How much does Heavenly Father expect one heart to take? I believe in marriage for eternity...never giving up on each other. But at what point do you stand up for yourself and your badly damaged heart? When is divorce appropriate?
  10. My husband recently confided in me that he was sexually abused as a very young child. Having young children myself, this obviously breaks my heart. He repressed memories his whole life from the time the event happened to just recently, in the last couple of years, when something triggered his terrible memories and they resurfaced. He has had a life of ups and downs but, in general, since we've been married (7 years), we have been a normal, happy, LDS family. In telling me about these horrible events from his childhood, and in an effort to be totally honest with me, he also confided in me that he struggles with a need to seek approval and attention from women, as a result of his abuse. Because of this, he shared with me that a couple of years ago, he made a mistake and kissed another woman at a student business conference while he was still in college. It happened right after these terrible memories from his childhood resurfaced and he said it was a very low time for him. This is obviously heart wrenching for me and very difficult to hear, but I appreciated him coming clean to me. He has been seeing a (non-LDS) therapist for about two years, and I haven't seen any improvement in how he feels about himself or his life. He says that he feels that his life has been full of mistakes and disappointing people, and that there's a deep empty dark hole inside of him that only gets bigger with time. I am unsure what to do or how I am supposed to feel. I have gone through the wide range of emotions, from shock, to sadness, to grief, to sympathy, to worry, to anger, etc. I love him so much and don't want our marriage to end, but he admitted to me that he can't guarantee it won't happen again, and doesn't feel as if he can be "fixed" or happy again. His testimony has obviously taken a hit from all of this, and while mine is strong, I feel like I can't MAKE him repent, or talk to the bishop. I think it is overwhelming to him to think about opening up to someone else since there is so much to share and most of it is pretty heartbreaking. I honestly can't tell if I have felt comforted from all of the praying and fasting I have been doing, or just numb from all of the emotions I am going through. Does anyone have any advice for me? What my role is in all of this? I go between feeling bad for myself and the grief that he has caused me, to really feeling for him, because I know his heart and his intentions, and he truly is a wonderful husband and father. He has just struggled these last couple of years. We are active at church, but I truly believe he is just going through the emotions to keep me happy and keep our family together. I feel like I need help. I don't know where to turn. Thanks in advance for any help or advice you can give me. Has anyone else been through anything similar? Is there hope for us?
  11. Hi. I am a life long member of the Church and going on another divorce. I am struggling with two complete polar opposite views here. My husband has cheated on me and has committed, what a therapist says, is spousal rape. I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do. My life is very bleak right now, in spite of praying and reading scriptures, being on LDS.org and reading whatever I can get my hands on, from the LDS perspective. I am broken hearted. There have been many instances where I have defended him to the public, but have come to find out that he was lying and cheating all along. I have people coming up to me in the market to tell me things about him. The wife is always the last to know. I keep thinking that I am being punished for some reason. Has anyone come back from a similar experience? Come back to a happy place and to the marriage? I would love to hear from someone who has been there, done that. Thank you in advance... SAD
  12. I'm in my late 20's and I've been married for 8 yrs and have 4 children. My husband and I are sealed in the temple. We have been together since i was 17. I have done everything right I could the last 8 years and been completely active in church. Because of that the news of my husbands affairs have been extremely hard to bear. About a month ago I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 3 yrs. I am completely devastated and was totally blindsided by it. For the time being we have decided not to talk to anyone about it. I desperately need some support and I guess that's why I joined the site. I have never done the whole forum thing before. I found out something was wrong because he left his email up and there were pictures of women. When I confronted him he came clean. There have been multiple offenses, emotional and physical (including having sex more than once). And he said he wanted to tell me before but didn't know how and didn't want me to leave him. The last affair was just emotional and someone he met on the ps3. It had been going on for a few months though and only ended after i confronted him. I took him back because I still love him and think that divorce is the worst possible thing I could ever do to my kids. (This is my opinion) We are trying to make it work and even though he has destroyed my life and broken my heart he is a good father. What is the likelihood for excommunication in this situation?? This is a huge question for us. Especially considering the fact that his testimony is shaky at this point. We haven't told anyone anything about what is going on. Our eldest daughter is supposed to get baptized in a few months and I suppose that's when everything will come out. I don't know how things will go down though. What would happen if he did decide to go through with baptizing her even though he is unworthy?? I don't feel it's my place to go to the bishop for him but if I don't and he does perform her baptism am I committing a sin?? Things may come out before then, i don't now and I don't think I would let him do that, our daughter deserves better, but it's just a question I have. Right now I can only take it a day at a time. I can't look to the future anymore cause I don't know what even the next day holds. I guess I'm searching for some answers to my questions but also any words of encouragement I could find as well. If I didn't have to think of my kids I would prolly leave but that fact that he is the love of my life makes it easier to stay. We haven't gone to the bishop yet and I guess it's just cause we don't want people to know. It's no one's business and our families will found out if we go to the bishop because he won't be able to perform any priesthood ordinances or go to the temple. I wish there was a way we could go through the whole process without everyone finding out. I don't want my family to hate him but I know what I used to think of cheaters and it isn't kindly. I'm already a fragile, broken mess so please don't respond if you can't be kind. You may not agree with what I have decided or the questions I have but there is no need to be unkind. My whole world has been turned upside down in an instant! That's being said, please help!
  13. Lies, lies, lies. I truly thought that he got into this nasty, disgusting world (massage parlors/prostitution) by accident. He told me from the beginning that he went to get an "innocent" massage and then it turned bad, and he just didn't stop it. Lies!!! I actually felt bad for him~~he had this massage that went bad and he didn't think he could tell me, thought I would leave him, so he figured since he was going to Hell anyway...~~turns out, she was topless when it started. Uhhh, legit massages aren't topless. So basically he purposely chose to cheat on me. This is really hard! All this time I thought he was better because his was "accidental", of course. I think any husbands that are struggling with "hidden lives", and are contemplating telling their wives, please tell her everything in the beginning! It's so much harder finding out after months and months of therapy! You may not want to risk losing her, but if you aren't honest from the beginning, you'll lose her any way. The lies and dishonesty hurt as much, if not more than, the act itself. I slipped. I thanked him for his honesty, and then I called him a bad name. I'm sad. I feel like I'm in a marriage of lies. All the while I thought I knew everything, and while it hurt like heck, I knew I could get through it because he was finally being honest. I guess my question is, can I continue in a marriage that's filled with deception?
  14. Guest

    Cheating

    Deleted Dear Moderator--Will you please delete this thread? I originally posted it, but I deleted all of my posts in it, except for this one, because I felt it was a breeding ground for harassment. If you will delete this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. <3
  15. My husband and I met in High School. We were 16. He wasn't a member of the church then, but joined a short time later. When we were 20, we married and were sealed in the temple 1 year later. This would be in Aug 2000. We have a very happy marriage. Both of us would say so. In 2004, he got a new job. There was an employee there who was also married, but known for her extra-marital affairs. I noticed she would call my husband's cell phone once in a while, but he told me they had to use cell phones at work to get ahold of him. This seemed right, because other co-workers called him during work hours too. However, I soon got the cell phone bill and it was huge! I noticed they were talking often. I asked him about it, and he said that they were 'just friends'. She had a bad marriage, no friends, and was lonely. This went on for a few months and was, obviously, a rough time in our marriage. I told him not to talk to her anymore, but he 'didn't want to hurt her feelings'. It all came to a head on Christmas, when I noticed she left him a voicemail thanking him for his christmas present (he had bought her a hat she wanted because "she lost her job and her he felt bad for her"). Well, I just lost it. That night he promised me he would cut her off and he did. She even called him 6 months later from a new cell number and he told her not to call him and deleted the number from his phone. After the whole incident had died down, I asked him if there was ever anything physical. He told me no. Over the last 5 years, we have moved on, and been pretty happy together. I haven't questioned his loyalty and no other 'incidents' like that have occured. Even so, this whole 'emotional affair' would come up every once in a while. I just couldn't let it go. Deep down, I felt like he was still hiding something from me. It always felt like I wasn't getting a straight answer. Finally, FINALLY this morning, he caved and admitted that they did have a physical relationship. They kissed several times in the stairwell at work and one night he met up with her and her friends. They were just talking when she led him into the bathroom and they had sex. That was the only time it happened. He said it was dirty and he felt awful. For the last 5 years he's been too much of a coward to tell me (his words). Now that I know, for sure, I am relieved. But I am also confused on how to feel!!! I need help. He said he is willing to do anything to make things right. We have called our Stake Pres for an appointment (can't go to our Bishop first for a few reasons). Does anyone know the process for repenting of infidelity? Is he going to be ex-communicated???
  16. Hi. I am new to the group, found it as I was searching for any LDS forum about surviving Infidelity/ adultery. Not really sure what I am looking for but I know that I am looking. Not really wanting to talk about it with people that know my Husband and I but need to talk. Its been 6 months since his affair and I just am not getting past it. Do any of you have stories either success or failure to share with me? Any advice on how you forgive and move on from the most personal deceit and betrayal ever??? I have prayed and got blessing and prayed more...it still pops in my head daily and I am not sure I can move on. To top it off I found out I was pregnant (makes 4) 2 weeks after I found out about the affair. So needless to say I am a walking emotional bomb!! LOL I look forward to reading your stories and getting to know you all.