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  1. My wife and I were good active Mormons having a great life. Eventually life took its toll. I lost 4 jobs in the space of 5 years. We moved into a ward that didn't care for our family or several high school age children. We could not meet our needs and were falling 15K into the hole every year. I am now headed for bankruptcy, and foreclosure. Our life in the bedroom was pathetic no passion no nothing. This was mostly because I had major knee surgery on both knees and it completely hampered sexual activity. All praying seamed to not help anything. On top of that both of our fathers and my wife's best friend died. All within a relatively short time. At the brink of filing for bankruptcy a recruiter called me for a job that would pay 2x what I was making and it would have basically save us from financial ruin. I had a priesthood blessing and the whole family prayed for me to get it, how could I fail. I nailed every interview and had great discussions and now it was close for the final decision. What I received devastated me with a cold email back saying sorry but we have decided to go with another candidate. Nearly immediately after the email, my current employer asked me to go overseas to work with some clients which was completely out of the blue which I had never done. I was to travel for over 1 month. Of course when i was there I was surrounded by sexual temptations as I was put in a hotel in the heart of this activity. So I went out and had a massage, nothing sexual but near erotic and they offered many other services which I said no. I called my wife and told what I had done and it didn't bother her at all!. Instead she was aroused by it and told me to go again and try those other services and find some passion. I struggled with this and eventually with her basically giving me a hall pass, I went. You can pretty much image what happened next. I committed adultery many times. With each time telling my wife the details and thinking she was living vicariously thru me. I have never done anything like this in my life but the passion and energy I could feel was unstoppable and thoroughly enjoyable. My spirit and guilt never showed up. As it turns out near the time I was to return home. My wife told me before I started to sin that she went to a bar picked a guy and had sex! She explained that it was the best sex she had in a long time. It didn't hurt me at the time because I had the same thing. Keep in mind that nothing like this ever took place in our lives before the previous month. This explains her trying to entice me to do wrong from the first call we had about this. It was almost like eve tasted the apple and now she wanted Adam to partake because of Satan's enticing's. Basically all the recent life experiences we had had up to this point broke and beat us down where we didn't care anymore. Eat, drink, and be merry right!. Oh yeah and my wife took up drinking alcohol too. When I got back I told her we need to repent of our ways and focus on fixing us regardless of how hard our life is. Well, we never repented, instead we added watching porn in the bedroom to supplement. That eventually only helped me. I enjoyed it and it restored some passion but for her not as much. This dragged on for 5 months which I got addicted to. My work then advised we need you to go back for another month. I said to myself, well here I go again, and my wife was telling me to go enjoy myself how ever I wanted, hall pass number #2. So As you can expect I had sex, well I should say paid for sex and each time telling my wife details since she liked it. I kept asking her if she was cheating on me too and she never said she was. When I got back we hugged each other, appeared to really miss each other, and I said this time we need to repent. She advised you can but I am not ready yet. So I said I can't unless we both go together so we never went. We stopped going to church to mostly not take the sacrament, but nobody in the ward really cared we were gone anyway. By this point she was going to happy hour every week. Fast forward 4 months and I am getting very suspicious of her and the way she is acting. I even told her I don't recognize you anymore. She said she had lost all feeling and didn't really care about anything. She did still say she loved me very much and would never cheat on me. On a couple of occasions I felt a burning sensation that she was cheating on me. Like the holy ghost or something was prompting me that she was cheating or too find out. I confronted her several times but she always denied it. Then one night i basically had a revelation or something that there was no doubt she was having an affair. I then confronted her and she broke down and told me that she met the same guy 2X while I was oversees and had sex. I felt relieved but not hurt since she said she broke off the affair when I came home. Well It gets worse. My promptings/intuition came back and I felt something still wasn't right. So I went to happy hour where she says she is and I wait. Sure enough as I expected, she comes out of happy hour and gets into another vehicle. The vehicle drives to a nearby empty lot and i follow. I wait 30 minutes and I can't take it anymore. So I walk up to the vehicle. The lights turn on and it peels out. Eventually the guy drops her off somewhere and she calls me to pick her up. Ugggggh!!! As you can expect I lose it and now I feel hurt, pain, betrayal. Lots of tears, a hard time sleeping, and going back to work. I thought her affair was over as mine surely was when I came home and I wanted to fix things. I love her deeply and she has committed to ending the affair after that night I caught her. In all honesty I think she really wants to this time. She has committed to stop happy hours too. I think she really loves me deep down for the 20+ years of marriage but its hard to tell exactly. She has been really nice to me and telling me shes sorry but still has no emotions and shows no remorse (IMO). She says something is biologically wrong with her and needs help from all the pain of life, finances, deaths, and lack of marital passion. I am a wreck because she was having a continued affair (10 months), she lied many times when we were together while I was being honest. Yet in the back of my mind I cheated too so why should I judge. She still doesn't hold that against me. So from here, we just started meeting with the bishop and soon the stake president and therapist. We need a lot of help. I am wondering if I should stay with her or leave. I think I should stay because I do love her but I know I would rather not be alone too. We are both messed up but the pain of her lying and the images I have catching her in the act are too great right now. I know to be Christlike I should stay and work it out but that is only if we are true and dedicated to each other from here on. Advice? be gentle....
  2. Hi all- hoping for some advice and I'll start with background info- I'm a new member that has struggled with the WOW and investigated the church when I met my BF(now husband) -When we met my husband also struggled with WOW and was a somewhat-repentant struggling RM. Basically I got baptized a year later and then we got civilly married. Once we were married it was hard, because my husband has been breaking the WOW while I was preparing for my baptism. So our problems stemmed from basically falling in love when neither of us were temple worthy. When we first started dating I was not a member and wanted to have sex with him, he caved in soon-so he had to repent for that and we stopped for awhile before we got married so he could Get back his priesthood. (Didn't have it before me for a little while-either) I didnt know about temple covenants and the importance of the law of chastity, WoW and the PH until I really started investigating before I got baptized. Flash forward and we have been married and we're both breaking the WOW for some time. Basically my husband is a good guy with a tough background and I'm also here as a result of difficult circumstances- but I just really really struggled. At the beginning of the year my husband started talking to his ex gf a lot because she broke the law of chastity and wanted a friend. But he had just finally started to clean up his act with the wOW and was waiting for me to do that too.. I've never been to the temple or gotten my blessing because I was just too sad and focused on our problems -didn't know to use the gospel to help us. And I think he was really depressed. Basically they started talking all the time and I found her to be fantasizing about my husband, literally. And meanwhile he wanted a divorce-but Didnt begin the process because he didn't have enough money to move out and his own car at the time. Blah. So I'm really being neglected at this point, ignoring all the guys that want my attention and I'm just having faith things will work out. He wasn't perfect but was expecting me to change instantly when I've already changed so much. The church IS for me and I'm a completely different person now- but obviously have a lot to do to improve my life. My husband is always mad, unhappy with me etc but uses me financially. I was too quiet about our problems in the beginning of our marriage, and now that he was really not approving of me, it was a little late to change his thinking about what he wanted. So he moves out on me finally before our one year anniversary and we keep fighting. he still needs me to take him to work, meanhwile he's emotionally invested in his ex gf and he repentance process trying to "help her" - but she as trying to visit him from out of state- coming to literally visit him only, and started telling him about her high sex drive and crap. Mind you- this girl is completely irrelevant to me, not cute and a total loser wanting attention- but I started to feel really angry that he was liking all her attention- since I was always focused on what I was doing wrong and not what he was doing to make things harder. So a few months ago I've been starting to move and I'm now out of state. I am here trying to get some space and hell myself by saving money. I visited him a few times and it's been good when I first arrive- but the closer I get To leaving town- he starts showing disapproval and how much he wants things to be over. I'm on a rollercoaster in our marriage. Always holding hope until recently- but now I'm mad I didn't just get an annulment. I love him more than anyone in the world and wanted to be sealed. It just has been tough for me as a new member never having the PH in our house and seeing how he handled things. I definitely should've just kept my baptismal covenants... but here is where my question lies. About 3 months ago (he moved out before this) I was visiting him, and was raped by a stranger. Long story but in the end, my husband ignored me and didn't talk to me for a month after that because of our marriage problems. He blocked me on Facebook too. That really hurt. Then he finally called me saying he had been praying, I went and saw him for 2 months and helped him with $$ and everything, but a few weeks ago when I was about to leave again, he started to be a jerk and saying he doesn't want to be married. I get out of town to where I'm staying and AGAIN he started ignoring me, going as far on thanksgiving to block me again on Facebook and then block me on the phone because I was telling him let's get this divorce- I don't want to be married to someone that doesn't know how to love uncondiontially when he makes mistakes and bad choices too. Basically im at a point now where I feel so far away from him and have no hope. We aren't in the divorce process yet because he's broke! So I'm stuck in this marriage and just decided last week to start hanging out with some guys and getting to know other people. But this guy ended up kissing me the other day and I'm really frustrated because I know I should have just been more careful and avoided being alone with anyone again. esoecially after having an adult male stranger sexually assault me months ago.. but I just wish that I had avoided that situation because even though nothing really happened I can feel that I don't want to be in that position again. I'm meeting with my bishop tonight. But I'd appreciate any insights into my situation and what to do. I want to stay married to my husband but he's just unhappy with himself so we aren't even talking. I feel alone and need to turn to God and get myself to the temple but it's definitely hard and I feel guilty for allowing myself to try hanging out with members of the opposite sex and not preventing an advance on me. I know from here I won't be spending any time with any men anymore, but I could use any advice and thoughts in this subject matter. Our separation has been going on for almost a year now but obviously there have been periods of trying to work on things and we have only been living separately for 6-7 months. Sorry for such a long story but this is hard- I love God and I just want a better relationship with him and myself. But don't know what to do about my marriage anymore. Stay strong and have more patience or push for the divorce to happen faster? Thank you for any input.
  3. I need help! I know this post is daunting; it's a list of everything my husband has done to me so if you want, you can skip to the end. I have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children, a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. My husband has had a history of cheating on me and I have no trust in him, but for some reason I never go through with getting a divorce, even though I know it's what's best. Here's the story: When I was pregnant with our son was when I first found sexual text messages on his phone (summer of 2011). He had been texting a girl the night before asking what a sexy girl like her does for fun, asking if she likes watching porn, etc. He said it was a girl from work (he's a general contractor) and that they've never hung out & that it was the first time they've spoken. There was also a different girl that he had met at work that he would always go running with and sometimes wouldn't even come home until 1 or so in the morning! He made me feel like I was crazy for not letting him have any friends that were girls and we always argued about it. I first found out about her when I saw text message conversations and he would totally flirt and say things like "anything for you". I thought all this would stop after we had our son. I was wrong! Soon after we had him, I kept finding more text messages, one time someone had even sent him a picture of herself topless. He claimed he didn't know who she was or why she sent it to him. Things were going somewhat well a little after that, but than he had to go to AT (training for National Guard) for 5 months (summer of 2012). Soon after he left, my phone stopped working so i had to use his old one. I looked up the internet history on his phone and saw that he had looked up TONS of escorts in our city! They advertised for massages.. I looked up our cellphone history and saw that he had contacted tons of them via text and phone calls. I confronted him and he said he has never done anything with any of them, he usually just dials the number and than hangs up. By this time, I was considering being done with him, but he said he'll change, etc etc. Towards the end of him being in training, I saw a couple of charges for hotels and he said it was because they went swimming... When he came home, I thought everything would be okay, but I noticed him texting someone a lot and he said it was a friend from training. When I read some of the conversation, there was a lot of flirting going on and he once again got mad at me, saying he should be able to have friends that are girls. A couple of days later, I was looking through all his things from training literally hoping I'd find something and I sure did. I found a letter from this girl saying she'll never sleep with a married man again and that he's still a good person, etc. He didn't know I found the letter and when I confronted him, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about! It wasn't until a couple days later, after I said we should separate, that he admitted to it and begged me to stay, that it wouldn't happen again etc etc. I decided to give him another chance. Soon after, I got pregnant again and was excited because I thought this time he'd for sure change. Beginning of last year (Jan 2013) I saw some weird charges on our account and saw that he had joined a social network who's slogan is "Life is short, have an affair". I saw that he had yahoo chats with a girl on there talking about [moderator edit] etc, really bad stuff. I also downloaded an app on his phone that allows me to see all of his text conversations and internet history on his phone. This is how I found out he was basically dating a girl. He took her to dinner, they would go to the dog park together, etc. After their date to dinner, he text her and said "It was nice getting to know you with your clothes on". He was also still contacting escorts. This time, I was sure I was going to get a divorce. But after I confronted him, he claimed it's because he'd been out of work and had been having a hard time and he once again begged me to give him one last chance. I gave in. We found out we were having a girl and once again, I thought he'd for sure change! Baby girl was born in July 2013 and things were going good until recently. He had been out late one night and said he hung out with his old friend from college, but I was suspicious. I still have that app on his phone that tracks his messages, but he is aware of that. I thought it was weird that I didn't see any conversations with this "college friend" about hanging. What my husband doesn't know, is that this app also tracks where he is. I saw that he had been in a city that's quite far from where we live. A couple of days later, I see some ATM withdrawals for around $100 plus $30 to the movies on our bank account. About a week later, my kids and I stop by our house that my husband is building to visit him and he's not there... I look on the tracker and he's in that same city as before... I call him and he says he has to go to the "Lowes" out there to get something. A couple of days later, there's a $30 charge to iHOP. After all this has been going on, I start wondering if he's gotten a second cell phone so another day, I randomly stop by our house he's building and while he was walking around with our son, I hurry and looked in his truck and guess what I found? A cheap Cricket phone! I hurry and looked and only had time to read one text and it said "I want your sexy body all over me". He was starting to walk towards the truck, so I hurried and put it back and acted like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he knew i found it. Once again, i had decided i should get a divorce, but when I confronted him in October 2013, he said he's changed and begged me to wait until January 2014 to make my final decision. And here I am again, giving him another chance. I know have a tracker on his computer and I can see that he's still very addicted to porn and looking at models/actresses and he's still contacting escorts every so often. He's even tried getting an escort to come to our house! Not to long ago, I saw a text conversation that went on while he was home alone trying to coordinate a time for the escort to come over, but none of them were available so it didn't work out. To this day, he claims he's only cheated on me the one time with the one girl. He's NEVER come to me about anything. Everything listed above are things I've discovered on my own. I have no trust in him. He went to the Bishop back in sept. 2012 after I found out about him sleeping with the girl in GA, but he hasn't told the Bishop about anything since and he says he's temple worthy. And we did do counseling for awhile. I feel like I've tried everything. I've prayed about it, gone to the temple, talked to our Bishop, etc and I have felt "good" about getting a divorce, but for some reason I never go through with it. All day, every day, I just sit and think about it and I'm miserable. I need help
  4. I messed up. A few years ago. While on a training assignment with the Air Force, a buddy took me to his home town not far from where we were training. A bunch of his friends came to see him and stayed the night at his house. All the couches and floor space was filled with people and I was given the only air mattress. Instead of giving it up to a female friend of his that was spending the night I offered her the other side of the bed. I was an idiot for doing this. I never kissed, or had any form of intercourse with her whatsoever, but I did wake up at one point in the night, aroused and not thinking clearly at all and removed my clothes with the intent of waking her up and starting something. I laid there for a while and finally came to my senses enough to put my clothes back on and go back to sleep. The next night I was back at the training base and the girl called me and told me some things that she wished had happened while I was there which led to an explicit phone conversation. That was the end of my communication with that girl. I was newly endowed and married. I felt that my marriage was going to be over and I was in deep depression. I didnt see anyway i could tell my wife what i had done. And telling a bishop would require telling my wife. I decided that i would gladly bear the burden of guilt for the rest of my life if that spared my wife from living the rest of her's in doubt and insecurity. After weeks and months of prayer I felt different. I felt that so long as I used that experience as a rallying cry against all future temptation and used it to be stronger I could be forgiven, but if I ever did anything like it again I would be held responsible for this sin as well as the new one. I promised the Lord that I would remain pure if he would grant me a change of heart. He did. Of that I am certain. I have spent the last four years staying far from temptation and living a virtuous life. I have used that one time event to drive me toward a higher level of perfection and self discipline. I have felt the spirit in my life again for these four years and have felt forgiven and have acted accordingly with no conflict of conscience. I am a student at byu and after taking some religion classes the point has been made quite specifically that unless you go to a bishop about certain sins you cannot be forgiven. Although I have felt forgiven this whole time, I realize this sin would certainly qualify as something to go to a bishop about. I have begun to doubt what I have felt this while time. I want nothing more than to know I am in good standing with the. Birch and with the Lord, and I do not want my efforts to preserve my marriage here on earth to disqualify me for eternal marriage to my wife. I feel I should go in and seek judgement. I do want to know though what I will likely be facing as far as disciplinary action. Any insight would be appreciated.
  5. It's been a while since I've posted, but I have good memories of my time here. What I remember best is how knowledgeable and supportive the regulars are. That's why I'm here today. I could use some of both. Bit of background: I was sexually abused as a child, which led to a sexual addiction when I got older. About four years ago, I got therapy. It helped a lot, as did my time on these forums. I learned to separate healthy relationships and desires from unhealthy ones. My husband was also sexually abused. He went the other direction. He completely closed off (we've since learned it's called sexual anorexia). It's gotten progressively worse over the years, until he can barely stomach any sexual contact. He is afraid to get help; his way of dealing with stress is to ignore the problem. I've really been struggling lately with severe longings for sexual intimacy. We've talked about it several times, and he's very apologetic, but he just...can't do it. He knows he should get help, but he can't make himself and I can't (and shouldn't) force him to. Enter the problem: I shared my issues with a close friend who has a similar problem, and he asked me to sleep with him. I told him no. He wouldn't let it go though. I cut off communication with him, but before I did, he told me I could go to him anytime. I know he's there and willing, and the temptation has been nearly overwhelming the past month. I'm not looking to justify giving in. I won't. I refuse to give into Satan. I'm not looking for advice like "divorce your husband." It's not his fault. I love him and covenanted to be his wife for eternity, no matter how hard it got. I've spoken to the bishop, but he didn't know what to tell me. He said he'd pray about it. That was three weeks ago. In answer to my prayers for help and strength, I was prompted to seek outside myself. So here I am :) What I need is loving support and advice on how to stay strong. Thank you!!!
  6. I'll just get straight to it, spare a lot of details. After about 6 months of having an emotional affair, things went too far and now I'm full of guilt and remorse. Never thought I'd be in this situation, never meant for this to happen. I've been married for 20+ years, was married in the temple. All my family, grown up kids, and family on both sides are very active in the church. While things haven't been perfect with my husband, I still love him and don't want to hurt him. He has been verbally abusive to me at times, and I've almost left him a couple times. Things have been ok lately though. But, I'm scared to tell him. Afraid of what he'll do. I'm so confused and distraught at what to do next. My questions are: Have I lost all chance of having an eternal family? Have I lost them forever? If not, how can I get them back? Some days I want to tell him now, but I just can't. Is it worse for me to wait and tell him later? Six months? A year? Two years? I'm so scared of his temper and all the stress he has with his job etc. I just can't do it right now. How will it affect the repentance process if I wait? I have so many other questions, I'm lost. Please help!!
  7. Hi. I am new to the group, found it as I was searching for any LDS forum about surviving Infidelity/ adultery. Not really sure what I am looking for but I know that I am looking. Not really wanting to talk about it with people that know my Husband and I but need to talk. Its been 6 months since his affair and I just am not getting past it. Do any of you have stories either success or failure to share with me? Any advice on how you forgive and move on from the most personal deceit and betrayal ever??? I have prayed and got blessing and prayed still pops in my head daily and I am not sure I can move on. To top it off I found out I was pregnant (makes 4) 2 weeks after I found out about the affair. So needless to say I am a walking emotional bomb!! LOL I look forward to reading your stories and getting to know you all.
  8. This is my first post to this website. I'm an LDS woman who has a wonderful temple marriage, and has been married for many years now. I'm active and love the church. I was away from my husband for most of the summer due to a temp job I had, and became attracted to another man. I was foolish and had relations with him one time. (It was not Int., but WAS Or. Se.). I do not understand why I gave in when I am content with my husband. I know that I should speak with my Bishop and start a repentance process.......but is it possible to do this without telling my spouse? I'm terrified to tell him, it will break his heart. Is there anyone out there that knows what I'm going through, or knows what to do? I feel so stupid.
  9. Not sure which forum would be the best to ask this question, but anyway.... because of my husband's recent transgressions (an affair/adultery) I fear he will be facing church discipline council. We have been sealed in the temple and will not be ending our marriage because of this but trying to work things out. In some ways I feel I am at least partially responsible because of my treatment of him and how I made him feel, although he made the choice to turn to someone else. I know there are a lot of things that determine what the discipline will be, but does anyone know in general what usually happens. Will he face excommunication? Will it be disfellowship or probation? I know this is probably a hard question to answer, but I guess I am looking for some general advice info about what we are looking at.
  10. EnglishRose


    Any help that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated. A situation has arisen with my boss that I really don't know what to do about. He is married with children. I'm his PA. I have turned a blind eye to his activities for the two / three years that I have been working for him. (He is married with children who have now grown up not that makes it any better.) His attentions have now come to me, around Christmas time he made it obvious that he wanted more than just paperwork doing. Please don't get me wrong nothing has happened. I've tried my best to humor him while keep him at arms length - I'm well aware I need a reference from him at the end of my contract this year (which I won't be renewing.) He is now pestering me every day. He knows I'm LDS, his old boss at a previous firm is on the high council in my stake! I have made the resolution that I need to trust Heavenly Father to guide me threw any problems that may arise with my references because of it, but I'm not sure exactly how to tell my boss, "I'm not interested, and this is why" etc etc. I know the people around me who I work with wouldn't be bothered, I know many who have worked their way up the ladder that way. But that's not my way. I've made it where I am through sheer hard work. I know that my colleagues and the world will think I've lost it, I know they will especially with the current credit crisis. But I can't deny my standards anymore. :-S Confused.