Rimmer

I have been through a hard divorce that I didn't want. I have five great kids that live with their mom 400 miles away. I am surely not without fault in the failure of our marriage but so much has been pulled away from me that I haven't gotten back on my feet. I KNOW that my marriage is over and barring some crazy miracle it will never become anything more than two people who have kids together living separate lives. It has been nearly two and a half years since I found out about her cheating and the start of the divorce. We've been divorced for two years. Even though I know we will never be together (unless we end up together later... as we were sealed), I can't seem to move on. I have been signed up on a couple singles sites but I really can't picture myself with anyone but my ex. I want to find a nice lady to fall in love with and continue my life. I just can't seem to let go, even knowing it's over and has been for a long time. I just feel so broken hearted and stuck. Anyone out there who has gone through a divorce have ideas about moving on?

This guy who happens to have helped you make children sounds terrible. If he chooses to be a dad make sure someone is there with him that you trust as he will likely try to turn them against you. Someone who is mentally abusive will likely do all they can to control you. By saying he will only see the kids if you are together is another sign of his desire for control. If he was a good man he would want to be a dad because he has kids, not because he wants the mother. And he likely only wants you because he has been able to put you down and control you in the past and you've gone back to him before. Get him out of your life. If he does eventually want to be an active father, be wary and careful. Good luck!

I think that he will not get over your weight. He has used this as an excuse for HIS shortcomings and that is certainly wrong. He is choosing to do things that are against the gospel and likely blaming you for it. I am struggling about my own divorce and the ramifications that come with it. It is not easy. If he has been the way you describe there is nothing you can do to change him. I too am going through the feelings of nobody wanting me, but I know that our Heavenly Father has plans for me. HE does things on HIS timeline, not ours. I am learning this a hard way. I'm sure it could be worse for me. Be thankful that you have the gospel in your life and embrace the small, seemingly insignificant treasures you have. You will be shown the way, you just need to be willing to listen when the promptings may not line up with what you want for yourself. HE will show you the way.

I ended up in the state hospital again for depression. I think they got my medication dialed in and I have a much more positive outlook. I was in the hospital for about 6 months. She did divorce me while I was there. I've only been away from this thread because the have no internet for patients where I was. I've been out a couple weeks and I've spent a lot of time with my kids. They are very happy as am I to be together again. They live with her, but i get to see them often. I am grateful to be alive and to be a dad. I have kept straight since I've been out and am looking forward to a summer with my kids. I can totally see that now, JudoMinja, about feeling my prayers were going unanswered because they didn't align with my ideal. While I was in the hospital I finally for the first time read the Book of Mormon straight through. It has helped me greatly. I thank you all for the kind words you've given through my difficult time. Thank you

If he's been doing this for 3 of your 8 years, there is something very wrong. In my opinion he only stopped because he was caught. I would go to the Bishop. I would not have him baptize anyone. I just baptized one of my kids before I found out my wife was having a facebook/emotional and somewhat physical affair. Her whole family came-and that's a big feat. She gave a talk on the Holy Ghost and she had a LOT of trouble feeling worthy to or feeling the Spirit to help her with her talk. I had a problem with pornography for years. It didn't get resolved until I finally listened to Pres. Hinckley talking so much about it every Priesthood session of Conference. I finally admitted to my wife and we went to the Bishop. I couldn't have done it without Heavenly Father's help. Your husband and you should go talk to the Bishop. People might notice something is wrong, but so many people are so caught up in their own lives they might not. I would have a grandfather baptize your daughter if that is possible. You could say it's a privilege for her grandpa to do it. I don't know maybe that's silly, but it's worth a try. I am still wanting to stay with my wife but I have caused other problems for my marriage. She will no longer have me. If you go to the Bishop and you believe your husband is going to stop, maybe you CAN work things through. My best wishes for you and your children. Good luck and keep us updated.

No. I want my family back. I want to make things right. I am in despair because I see that it is too late. I see that she has moved light years beyond me and that I will never amount to anything. I'm 40 years old and now living with my mother. My wife left and is still talking to this guy. Even voted for him to help him get on the city council. She never votes.

I have never been a good provider for my family. I am obviously not a good parent figure. I think you're right about her love being my "drug." I am feeling the withdrawal from it and I'm seriously ready to be over. I just don't know how to get over it. How do people let go? How do people just start a new life? I feel so worthless. I feel like nobody would want me at all. Especially after messing up and going to the hospital and jail. She's going to get the kids, just like she got the business and friends. Nobody has come to help me. Everyone is after helping her while I wallow in misery. She says it hurts and she doesn't want to get divorced either. Why then is she? She says she has prayed about it and it is what she feels she should do. Why would Heavenly Father want to break a marriage and family? How can this be from Him? I just don't see it. I have prayed time and again for strength and for understanding of why this is happening. I have prayed asking if this marriage should last. I have prayed asking if we should divorce. I have asked positive questions and negative questions. I have not received an answer to any prayer about my marriage. Normally I am very receptive of answers to my prayers. This one just eludes me. I'm ready to give up.

Neither of us has filed for divorce. I have left and she's moved to a new place. I messed up again and have spent time in the state hospital and jail for huffing, trying the wrong way to deal with this situation. I missed my and two of my kids' birthdays in hospital. She has still been talking to him even after the Bishop has told them both to stop. Am I stupid by still wanting to work things out? Now she says it's because I messed up too many times and she doesn't even like to be around me. She doesn't feel comfortable with me, like I'm going to hurt her or him or his family. The only person I've wanted to hurt is me.

She has my kids. She has our business. I have alienated our friends by being arrogant. I have nothing. She was supposed to let me have the kids today, and she stopped that, too. She has taken everything and is still talking to him. "Professionally" of course. What a load of crap.

I'm starting to sadly agree with Juan_p. There is still Love between them. They have no intention of stopping talking at least. They meet weekly (with a networking group) and still have talked on the phone and who knows about texting. I posted something about my wife "Liking" his comment about something, he is running for City Council. I was being malicious and trying to hurt his chances. my wilfe reported it fast so who know who saw it. But I know this puts any hope I ever had to return to her. I am close to going back and huffing that crap again. The only thing holding me is God and my children. I feel so distraught. I don't know how to move on. She has all the business, the home, the friends, I have always been unfriendly and/or thinking "what do I get from this" selfishness. I wish she could see the good that I have changing in me. All she sees is the bad. All she sees is the bad. I'm very lost and alone.

I was introduced to this when I was 10 years old. I have been until a few years ago when Pres GBH drilled it into me after many many talks at the Priesthood sessions of GC. I finally came clean and lost my recommend for a while and couldn't take Sacrament for awhile either. It was very difficult. Now a few years later, my marriage is over because of what I did and how I treated my wife and kids. Even now I am acting out stupidly and digging deeper. My addiction did not go away for over 20 years. I've spent several weeks in a mental hospital over the break up of my marriage, because I feel lower than low. I've let satan rule my life. I have been still choosing bad things by being so needy of my wife and posting on facebook things about her affair. Now she's really mad. But she told me there is no chance, so what do I have to lose? This man is running for City Counsel after telling my wife he will divorce after the elections. She is determined on divorce. On my thread, I'm beginning to side with Juan_P.

I have seen this now. I can see that she is hurting and confused. I am realizing this just recently. I cannot change her or the situation. But I can change me. Eowyn, thank you for the D&C 121 reference. My home teacher has challenged me with memorizing verses 34 through 46, and I have been working at it. It makes me see a lot more of what I have done. There IS nothing that I can do to change anyone but me. She did make her own choice in this, but I still have growing and repenting to do for those things I have done. It doesn't matter if I did or did not drive her to this. She chose. But I chose to mistreat her. We were both wrong and we both have our repentance to serve. My home teacher also gave me a book to read. It is "The Peacegiver" by James L Ferrell, from Deseret Book. Ironically, we have a copy at home that my wife started to read years ago. She said today she didn't read too far, but that it sounded so much like us. This has made it much easier to focus on forgiveness. The Atonement is what gives us what we strive for. If we do not forgive, we cannot be forgiven. I have come to a point of acceptance. I see what has happened. I cannot change things past. I can only move forward by forgiveness. It doesn't make it fun, but I do see it as required.

I left like she asked. She contacted me to watch the kids while she works. What's with that? She stopped by my office to get something, I stupidly asked if it was over. She pretty much said yes. I knew she was just getting things separated to do this. All these years she's tried, and when I finally admit and seek help, she bails. I don't know what to do. I thought I was broken hearted before...

I didn't just say some things, we found a "Love Letter" from over 18 years ago with me apologizing about being jealous and possessive. I have been doing it from the start. She just finally had enough guts to cut things off. She has been asking me for years to go with her to counseling. I have been a stubborn mule and have always said no. Telling her what to do is exactly what has gotten me to where I am. I was more than verbally abusive at times. We actually fought before we were married, and we have both hit each other since-me more than her assuredly. And I'm still being controlling. I still am here and haven't left. I am afraid to let her go. I am afraid that she will be happier again without me. This man was not the original problem. He really was trying to help her to understand me and stay with me. It just got too bad for her and he was there treating her well and showing her the appreciation I would not. She did chose to do what she did. But I have chosen to be the way I have by not seeking nor accepting help.

Now she just wants me out. She says she needs time to think things through. That maybe we can work things out after she thinks about things. I see it as her getting me out and then it will be that much easier to proceed with a divorce. She says she wants us to be an Eternal Family, but that I am not respecting her by leaving her for a month or more. She shows no affection and snubs any I try to give her. I think I just need to go ahead and get the divorce now. Why should I live with that fear over my head, living by myself, hoping that things will work out? It will drive me crazy. I don't see any other way. She says she will go to counseling with me. But I still have to move out, or she will take the kids and move out herself. I don't need this big house we're in without kids. I have no choice but to leave. I just don't know if I should just file for divorce or not...