tattered_torn77

Not quite sure what I'm doing yet so hopefully this posts in the right spot lol. I thank each of you for your posts. Mormonmusic, John11111, annewandering, vort, rimmer, Eowyn, sister_in_faith, and Pam (hope i didn't leave anyone out). It means so much to me that you took time to reply to my post and I'm taking into considertion what each of you have said. You have no idea what they mean to me. If felt so good to to get feedback and it's the closest thing I've had to a conversation about it. Reading your posts i got a rush of relief and comfort. It put a smile on my face to see that someone cares, even though we don't know each other. God bless you all. You all also helped give me strength and realize what i need to do and really drove some points home. I really felt like I was hearing from people with wisdom. He says it started cause he didn't feel loved and appreciated. I can understand his feelings cause I felt them before too and I guess I conveyed them in the wrong manner and he says that's what started it 3 yrs ago. But I never came close to cheating and I know I felt the same as he did before. That was one of the questions I just kept asking in the beginning. "how does someone do that?" The hard thing is we have been on great terms lately. I have been super happy and he says he has too but he has still been cheating. He also has had some problems with porn which I never knew about either. He says he's not addicited though and that he didn't do it that often. I don't know what to think. Could he be a sex addict? As far as not talking to anyone I think it was kinda both our choices. I know I need support and I'm a talker when it comes to problems but this is a loaded issue. There is so much that goes along with it I think we're focusing too much on how it will affect others and in return how that will affect us. I just know my family will have a super hard time forgiving him and not hating him and his dad will be super dissapointed. His father went through a divorce last year after 25 yrs of marriage when his wife left him for someone else. Of my father-in-law's 8 children, my husband being one of the older ones, my husband is the closest one to being active. In fact, my father-in-law has sought my husband out for strength and guidance many times and I know finding out what his son has been up too will crush him and come as a huge shock. It will just cause so much hurt to so many people. I like what was said about people knowing making him more accountable though. Thank you for the comments about the upcoming baptism of my daughter too. They have been very helpful. I have also been very weary of the idea of excommunication but after reading all your comments I feel like if it happens it will be for the best. I will definitely look into the marriage builders. Either way your support has lifted my spirits and been so greatly needed. I can never thank each of you enough!!!

I'm in my late 20's and I've been married for 8 yrs and have 4 children. My husband and I are sealed in the temple. We have been together since i was 17. I have done everything right I could the last 8 years and been completely active in church. Because of that the news of my husbands affairs have been extremely hard to bear. About a month ago I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 3 yrs. I am completely devastated and was totally blindsided by it. For the time being we have decided not to talk to anyone about it. I desperately need some support and I guess that's why I joined the site. I have never done the whole forum thing before. I found out something was wrong because he left his email up and there were pictures of women. When I confronted him he came clean. There have been multiple offenses, emotional and physical (including having sex more than once). And he said he wanted to tell me before but didn't know how and didn't want me to leave him. The last affair was just emotional and someone he met on the ps3. It had been going on for a few months though and only ended after i confronted him. I took him back because I still love him and think that divorce is the worst possible thing I could ever do to my kids. (This is my opinion) We are trying to make it work and even though he has destroyed my life and broken my heart he is a good father. What is the likelihood for excommunication in this situation?? This is a huge question for us. Especially considering the fact that his testimony is shaky at this point. We haven't told anyone anything about what is going on. Our eldest daughter is supposed to get baptized in a few months and I suppose that's when everything will come out. I don't know how things will go down though. What would happen if he did decide to go through with baptizing her even though he is unworthy?? I don't feel it's my place to go to the bishop for him but if I don't and he does perform her baptism am I committing a sin?? Things may come out before then, i don't now and I don't think I would let him do that, our daughter deserves better, but it's just a question I have. Right now I can only take it a day at a time. I can't look to the future anymore cause I don't know what even the next day holds. I guess I'm searching for some answers to my questions but also any words of encouragement I could find as well. If I didn't have to think of my kids I would prolly leave but that fact that he is the love of my life makes it easier to stay. We haven't gone to the bishop yet and I guess it's just cause we don't want people to know. It's no one's business and our families will found out if we go to the bishop because he won't be able to perform any priesthood ordinances or go to the temple. I wish there was a way we could go through the whole process without everyone finding out. I don't want my family to hate him but I know what I used to think of cheaters and it isn't kindly. I'm already a fragile, broken mess so please don't respond if you can't be kind. You may not agree with what I have decided or the questions I have but there is no need to be unkind. My whole world has been turned upside down in an instant! That's being said, please help!