krcp

4 years ago my soon to be ex husband because good friends with a girl from work...I had no idea until about 2 years down the road. They would chat all day at work via IM, then they began texting. I didn't suspect anything until one day he came home from work all bent out of shape that she was spreading rumors that he was trying to have an affair with her. He swears it was all untrue. I SO wish that I had put my foot down and not given into "but i need friends at work"...because for some reason they were still friends after this. "super friends" to be exact. The texting continued...and we fought a TON about it. Now...2 more years later...we are in the middle of a divorce...after he did have an affair with someone else. I think it's allowing those smaller things to happen that lead to these bigger ones. Had I known what would have happened, I would have been more firm. It is not ok to mess around with relationships like he has. Tell him to STOP NOW! It is definitely not ok!

I figured I should give you all an update! It's been just about 2 months since my husband walked out on us...(left the church, porn, drinking, and month long affair). After 3 weeks of trying I finally opened my eyes and realized that he didn't care to save our marriage. Counseling was pretty much so that he could point out all of my faults and tell me what I needed to change. Anything that I said about him just rolled off his shoulder and he didn't care one bit. Every time he opened his mouth I was closer and closer to being done. Then finally when I said I was tired of feeling like I was the one that had to win him back, he said "you do! I'm the one that left". I'm so sick of the way he always cut me down and constantly makes me feel bad. For 3 weeks I told him I was done...and he acted like it wasn't. When I told him I started filing he freaked out...and acted so shocked. I don't understand him. He told me from the day he left that he would pay for everything so that I could stay home with our 4 kids. That I wouldn't have to get a job. But as soon as I said I was done, he said I would have to get a job...because he will only pay the minimum that the state will require of him. :/ So I decided to get a lawyer! I have to protect myself and the kids! I meet with her on Monday and am just ready to get this over with. He was over here the other day, and while he was cutting our boys hair, I looked at his phone. I don't know why...and I saw a bunch of texts between him and the girl he cheated on me with. Reading things like "I want to fight to save what we have (with her)" and "you're the one I want to hold in my arms at night" felt like I was being punched in the gut. I couldn't breathe. I asked him to be honest with me about her, and he said he didn't have to be anything with me. That is was none of my business. I'm glad that he has to fight to save what he has with the skanky married woman he's sleeping with, that is crazy and suicidal...that is more important than his 12 year marriage to me and our 4 kids. It's ok, I know I will be ok...I miss him like crazy, who he was...but I hate who he is now! I don't even know him! He acts like we don't need a child visitation schedule...that we can just do "whatever". Hence the lawyer. He is living with his parents until he starts getting paid at his new job and can get his own place. I have had 1 night away from the kids in 2 months. It's not fair...I get to be the single mom while he is running around with his girlfriend. Sorry...lots of rambling!

So for the last 2 weeks I have felt strongly that I am done...I'm still not rushing to file the papers just yet, I need to know 100% that I am done. And every time I speak to him, I am pushed closer and closer in that direction. And I cannot even tell you the amount of peace I am feeling since that is what I started praying for as my decision. While I know I am not perfect, I have been doing everything I can. I go to the temple weekly, pray, study, try reading lots of stuff online, etc. But I feel I am the ONLY one committed to make it work and I have had enough. I feel like he is just trying to manipulate me. I told him a week ago that I think I'm done. And after our date we talked for an hour...probably one of the best talks we've had, but it was about moving on and eventually dating other people. It was strange. He said he was excited for me to want to move on and find someone else. He is looking for his own place now (he's been living with his parents this whole time). And he just keeps drinking more and more and it hurts so bad. He'll text me pictures of a bottle of wine, or whatever, and then a picture of himself drunk and he looks awful. I hate to say it, but I look at these pictures, and I feel nothing for him. I miss him so much...I miss the old caring him...not the cheating, drinking, no regret him. He says this is the new him and I told him I don't like it. I feel like he is doing counseling just say he can say he "tried" everything he could, when all that happens is he goes and blames everything on me. I am done. I'm sick of being cut down, and mocked, and made to feel worthless. I deserve so much better than this. I thought it would take me more time to feel like this, but I know Heavenly Father is carrying me through this and helping me know what I need to do for me and the kids. I know I will be ok...even if it's without him! I can't even begin to tell you all the amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders since he walked out the door!

this week has been soooo hard. last night he told me he is applying for a temp job in hawaii (3-6 months). I feel like he is trying to run away. I have suspicions that he is still seeing her. I feel like he is still hiding things from me. I see no good of him going to hawaii and being that far away me. I feel like I am being pushed in the opposite direction I was hoping for. I feel like being done. It's almost been 4 weeks and he is showing absolutely ZERO remorse.

It's been 3 weeks now this hubby left me...a little more than 2 weeks since he moved in with his parents. It has been hell! I am in complete limbo right now and I don't have the slightest clue where this is going to go. It is so frustrating and I am trying to be patient! I have started going to the temple once a week...this week will be my 3rd trip. I am constantly praying and studying my scriptures/conference talks. I feel like we are just friends hanging out. I really feel like I need to fight for our marriage, even though he's the one that royally screwed up...and right now he still has no remorse. Am I holding out false hope that he will someday feel bad?? He said he stopped seeing her, we are going on a date once a week, and counseling together once a week as well. We see eachother at least every other day because he wants to do stuff with the kids, or he watches them so I can go work out. We kinda have a family swimming day each week too. I just feel like we are friends, which is great, but I don't know how it will progress from here. He'll hug me, and that's about it. On our date last weekend I was trying to talk to him about things that attracted us to eachother while we were dating. He got all mad and thought I had some ulterior motive...or was fishing for compliments. I cried, he didn't care, and we ended the date on a sad note. I hate that we can go hang out and have fun together, but as soon as anything serious comes up he seems to shut down. I pray that his heart will be softened...he has his agency, and he may not change. In that case...I know the time will come where I can finally move on and say that I did everything I could possibly do. He showed up for Sacrament meeting today, I told him i'd like him to come so he could help with the kids. The bishop wanted to see us after church and he told me he wouldn't go with me. He said the bishop isn't a counselor, and he needs no spiritual help right now. So I went alone and probably talked to him for45 or so minutes. He is a great man and has helped and supported me so much. I have a great support group of friends and family. I'm just trying to take it a day at a time...and I can get through this one way or another! Anyways, sorry for my random ramblings!

What is wrong with men?! I am SO sorry...I'm in a similar situation...my perfect temple marriage of almost 12 years is in shambles. 3 weeks ago he dropped it on me and over the preceding week all sorts of things came out, including an affair. My life was shattered...abandoned with 4 little kids! I feel your pain. And on top of mine, he has left the church. Drinks. Gah...it breaks my heart. He moved in with his parents for awhile to figure things out...and we have started counseling and are going on weekly dates. My husband lost his job back in December and I wonder too if he is in some sort of midlife crisis (he's 34). Anyways, his affair was with a married lady that also had kids. He says he ended things, and won't leave me for someone else, but needs to figure out if he can love me again. I'm so sorry you are going through this! I can say that the only thing that has helped me get through this is my own faith...although it wasn't great at first...My heavenly father is carrying me!! I am praying my heart out, and studying the scriptures and the latest conference talks. I am also going to the temple once a week! I KNOW that I will be ok after all of this...although I don't know what OK is going be (with him or not), i know I will come out of this a better person!! Praying for you!!

So back in January or February I posted here about my hubby questioning the church. Well, after a few talks he never really said anything else about it to me, so I kinda figured everything was ok! In March he baptized our 2nd daughter. I thought life was great! Since then there have been a few times that he smelled like alcohol, I confronted him and he said I was being paranoid, so I just figured I was. Then the last month he has been very distant. It was really hard to get him to be intimate with me and he rejected me time after time. Then 2 weeks ago I noticed he stopped wearing his garments. I started freaking out and he wouldn't talk to me about it. 3 days later I finally was able to have a conversation with him about it and he said he didn't believe in the temple anymore. I was heartbroken. He wasn't sure about the church either. But he promised to keep going for me and the kids and said he would still pay tithing...asked if he was going to drink and he said probably not. I asked if he still loved me and he said of course, he would never leave me...he was afraid I would be the one to leave him for someone better. Next day we had family pictures taken. When we were done I tried to hug him and he pushed me away. When we got home I told him I want to touch him, hold his hand, be near him, but he always seems annoyed. He said it is annoying because I only do stuff like that when i am insecure about our relationship. Whoa...seriously!? So I don't know where it came from, but I said "if you have any inkling that you want to leave me, do it now and don't drag me through this". He became very quiet and said he'd be lieing if he never thought about leaving me. Wait, WHAT!? 11 1/2 years of marriage (and 4 kids) and my husband wants to leave me. I didn't understand. So I felt like all of the blame was on me...that I never tried, and he was trying so hard and he has given up. I was so confused! After talking for 2 hours he left. He'd come back the next day to talk. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. He did tell me, however, that he had been drinking. I KNEW it! I couldn't believe it. So the next day he came back and we talked, then he left for the night and came back the next morning and talked some more and he told me he wanted to try counseling and see if we could work things out. Thank goodness!! So he came home that night, the next night the bishop came and talked to us, the next night we went and talked to the bishop. Hubby has told me he doesn't love me anymore, but the bishop told me to be patient with him, he is very lost, and I need to be there for him, and that he does love me...he could feel it! Next morning when we woke up he told me the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life. He was having an affair. Suddenly everything I had been told over the previous days seemed like nothing. He had been dating/sleeping with another woman for 3 1/2 weeks. Now he is staying at his parents and I don't know what to do. I still love him so much, and hope very much I can forgive him and we can be better, but I know it's going to be a long hard road. We start counseling on monday. The only problem I see is that he is sorry he hurt me, but has no remorse for any of it (affair, drinking, now porn, etc). I went to the temple today and while I was sitting there I felt like if he could seek forgiveness...and heavenly father could forgive him, then I could as well. It's just getting him to the point of feeling remorse. I don't know if it will ever come. I have a peaceful feeling that everything will be ok, i'm just not sure what ok will be. He is a completely different person and I don't even know him anymore. I hope the real him comes back because I miss him so desperately!

I have no Faith? I am speechless. I don't even know how to respond to that because it couldn't be any further from the truth!!!

Thank you for thinking of me! I really in my heart feel like everything will be ok! I know that I still feel crappy about how things feel right now, but I have to rely on the Lord and have faith that everything will work out ok! I was having so much anxiety this morning and I went into our bedroom while he was getting ready for work and read half a chapter from the book of mormon to him, and then we prayed together. I said it. I loved the peace I felt! I don't care if I have to say it everyday...I can see it improving our relationship and everything tremendously! :)

You are so right! And that is the decision I have decided to make. I have no desire to leave the church or find reasons to doubt it! Even though we are struggling w/ different things (mine pure laziness) I hope that he will see my effort and follow me! I completely agree! Our plan wasn't to explore our weaknesses, but to pray together daily (something we haven't done very often) and study the scriptures together! Try to make us stronger together while we get the answers we need! I hate that right now I feel like I am the only one really interested, but I have been really good about family scripture study and family prayer each night. The spirit that that brings alone cannot be denied!

thanks so much for your thoughts! i really appreciate them! i know that everyone struggles with their testimony, I guess i never thought that would happen to me. I think mine has more to do with my anxiety. A lady in my ward had a seizure while the sacrament was being passed a couple years back and it really freaked me out. I'm not sure why, maybe that something like that could happen at church? So my anxiety got worse and I have struggled w/ a mild panic attack almost every sunday. It is a horrible feeling. Satan knows my fears and weaknesses and he is totally using them against me! I had to give the opening prayer once and thought I was going to die. Last night I woke up and had a panic attack, i have been obsessing over what he (hubby) may choose to do that I am making myself sick over it! Anyways, ever since we had our initial discussion about this I have had some major ups and downs. I decided this wasn't a time for me to have my own doubts, but a time to strengthen what I already believe in. I could NOT live without this gospel. This morning I was praying and a few moments later I felt peace. It wasn't intense or anything, but I really had a feeling everything will be ok in the end. I understand that I have to let him figure his things out in his own time, so I will make myself stronger, be a better example (especially to our kids) and keep praying that he will do the same. Church was great today, the closing song was I know that my Redeemer Lives. I felt the spirit so strong and it brought tears to my eyes. I hope he felt it too! My primary lesson was on faith. It was exactly what I needed to hear! Funny how the Lord works that way! I have also been doing lots of studying and praying on my own. I have a special journal just for writing down my feelings and struggles right now, as well as any scriptures, quotes, and thoughts I may run across! Thanks so much for all of your encouragement! I really appreciate it!

I was posting here not really wanting him to know, just looking for my own comfort of sorts...but I am definitely going to share this with him. Great advice. I looked at your blog and saw you live in WA, that's where I grew up! Big state, but I lived in Centralia! :) I miss it up there!

The main thing was him feeling like he had never felt the spirit in the temple, and then in a later discussion he mentioned similarities with Masonic...? I had never heard anything regarding this before but after looking at some of the FAIR stuff I am seeing some. I will have to pass it along to him! I am feeling a little more calm, which is good! I have been a mess! I know this is going to be a process that is going to take some time. As long as I can remain calm (I tend to freak out a lot, lol) and keep moving forward increasing my own testimony I can hope he will be by my side increasing his as well!!

I know I need to be here for him and help with what I can...have faith that he will make the right choice! Just need to be reassured that people can have doubts/questions and it strengthens them, not always turning them away!

3 days ago I'm not even sure how it came up, but my husband (of 11 1/2 years) told me he is struggling. It was so much of a shock, i was in tears, he was in tears. We were both so scared. We were both born into the church and have been active our whole lives! He served a mission, we were married in the temple, and now we have 4 beautiful kiddos. Life seemed so perfect! Then I feel like this came out of the blue, but not really because I have been having my own struggles. I know the church is true...I have just been lazy in my prayers and scripture study, personal and with the family. I feel like my laziness is finally catching up to me and I'm struggling. I have thoughts about being done and it scares me to death. I don't want to give up. I feel like satan is really tempting me. I was able to share these feelings with my husband. I felt such a relief. His concerns had me really worried though. He asked if it is bad to believe the church is true, but not the temple? This has confused me so badly! He said he feels like he has never felt the spirit there...but he does in attending church. I know he needs to figure these things out for himself, but I am letting myself get way too worked up over it. My concern is that he will eventually decide that he's going to leave the church. I fear going to church by myself with our kids...not having the priesthood in our home...the judgments from the members of our ward...not being able to spend forever with him. I don't just want him for our earth life. I feel so scared. He said he was excited that we were in this journey together and it will make us stronger. When I tell him I don't want to lose our eternal family he tells me to stop thinking like that. I guess I am looking for advice, hopefully something comforting from someone that has been through something similar...I know things will happen in the Lords time, but I amso impatient and can't stop worrying about it. He had such a hard time telling me that it is starting to hurt him w/ all of my crying and freaking out. I feel like I have been over-doing things the last 2 days. Just need to get back to basics of scriptures and prayer, personal, family, and together...I pray that helps us. I think I have seen too many fall away and I never wanted that to be us.