NeverEndingStory

man, see its moral encouragement like the above posts i was looking for, you are right, i shouldn't write all bishops off, after all my own dad was one for 7 years. thank you for the advice and moral support....it really is hard.

Ps. Those were what we call Rhetorical questions in that last post.

Excuse me Vort but by the sounds of your post you're comparing me to someone who visits a Whorehouse?!?! Like what the freak man. I'll have you know that when I met this individual it was NOT to meet up and do anything actually. I met up with him because I am alone and vulnerable (you're right about that) and honestly want a friend who understands. To say that I met him wanting this or knowing it was a possibility is actually offensive to my spirit. And why on earth would i choose to skirt a forbidden area? If I could choose not to find guys sexually attractive I would, in a heart beat. No person in their right mind would choose to be something that is in contradiction to the Lord's plan. Yes I accept responsibility for my actions and I never said I didn't, I understand agency quite well thank you. I appreciate the $20 bill analogy though, although I personally would like to think I'm worth $100. And please don't patronise me by saying you are sorry for my struggles and pain and then go on to draw that analogy about prostitutes at wholesale houses. Like seriously, I posted on here because I had a question which was to find out from other people's experiences who have been in similar situations what steps they have had to go through. If people don't have any uplifting advice, moral encouragement or support then please don't waste my time by posting dribble in response. I know what I did was wrong, I tried putting it in context to get advice and counsel. Now. The comment by Loudmouth Mormon although bluntvand to the point was encouraging because it got me thinking, so thankful for that. And if Vort reads this and doesn't agree then please respectfully leave this string for people who offer helpful advice.

I appreciate the words you wrote. Thank you for taking the time to consider my situation. Ty Mansfield's story actually helped me deal earlier with my same sex attraction and I have been able to 'come out' to some family members and friends. Unfortunately not yet all of them since i am afraid some family members will, 'flip out.' Luckily the parents were loving enough even though they don't understand it. As if i do any clearer? But yes, his story does create a sense of hope to a degree, like it says in the beginning, his case isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, and I'm not suggesting you suggested that, but it does create fear in my heart and mind when i think i might go through my sexual prime years yearning to be with other men. It is truly devastating friends on so many levels. I used to be the one making fun of gay people to hide my true struggle and now I'm dealing with it, man.....its tough and so confusing. I have to admit i sometimes feel like I'm living a personal hell, since I know i shouldn't be acting on such impulses, even though i want to. I hope this makes sense. I know my bishop won't understand....he won't. I dunno what to do to be honest and i know its awful but you can see why so many people get depressed and commit suicide....i know i would never do that, but i can understand how people get to that point. Like you suggest Rameumpton, maybe one day the girl of my dreams with show up, someone who I'm physically, mentally and emotionally and i would say too spiritually attracted to.....I just don't know.

OKay, maybe I'm corrupted completely or something but I simply refuse to believe that masturbation is a sin. I'm not even sorry for it. When employed wisely it can help bring couples closer together and actually make the bonds of marriage stronger. Almost every single guy on this planet masturbates at some time or another, most on a very regular and healthy basis and I refuse to believe God thinks of it as a sin. I think you are being way to harsh on your husband and need to chill out and maybe find ways to make the bedroom experience more exciting to look forward to for both him and yourself. The law of chastity meaning has changed so much over the years with various degrees of interpretation, that its just confusing and I think leadership is just plain wrong if they classify masturbation as breaking the law of chastity. Pornography is a completely different kettle of fish since you are watching people break chastity through intercourse...but even if he screws up and looks at it every now and then is it really that HUGE a deal? You be the judge of that. Guys and women are wired differently tho, I know some people may think I say that as a cop out, I don't, your husband should be honest with you, but I think some tolerance and understanding should be shown. I once went to a bishop since I felt unworthy to go to the temple because I had masturbated to some pornography. It had been about 3 months since my last use. His advice to me was to get myself to the temple. I didn't go and worse stuff happened. Shoulda gone, maybe your husband should go sooner rather than later. Remember, the temple isn't for perfect people, it is for people who have a desire to learn about perfection. just my two cents...

Okay, so this is very hard for me to write, I wasn't sure if it should go in the open forum, but since I can't access that right away I decided to write in here. I will be using acronyms which hopefully adults will be able to understand. To be honest I think it important youth understand the consequences of this topic too though. Okay, so to put things in context. I have known I was different my whole life. I knew I was attracted to those of the same gender yet I never acted upon it, other than through the use of pornography. I wasn't addicted to porn at all, just to make that crystal clear. I ended up going on a mission when I was 23 and have since moved on to college, looking to move on with my life. When I tried to go on my mission my bishop was super strict over the whole MB thing and wouldn't let me go until I was clean enough. This in my opinion just damaged my self esteem further and personally I think and know for self that it was a bad judgment call on his part. I mean really, we might have raised the bar but no ones perfect, just ask the thousands of missionary guys out there. Anyway....i digress. So I have been trying to overcome this sense of same gender attraction and I honestly thought I would be stronger after my mission, even though deep down whist on my mission I struggled with the same feelings. Whilst I feel my mission strengthened me it didn't cure me of my impulses and feelings, and now I understand this is something I will forever have to live with for the rest of my life. Originally I thought i was BI, since I was attached to women, but after some failed attempts at any relationship with the right girls I decided to just go with my gut and pursue other guys. I knew according to the church what I was doing wasn't right, but inside my heart and mind i thought It must be the right thing, although I had a lot of conflict too, too hard to explain how all that works. So anyway, I ended up meeting this guy and we ended up having OS and now I don't know If i should just confess or go through life hiding this dark secret only opening up to the Lord. I just have had so many bad experiences with Bishops that if I'm honest I don't believe they will be able to help me in any way at all. It wasn't planned, I didn't expect it to happen, it just happened. Was great during it, (obviously) but after I felt awful and so confused. Why would I be tempted to sin like this? I have never done anything before, never had sex or anything and have tried to be clean my whole life, only I'm finding it harder and harder the older I get to keep faith hoping ill meet the right girl, a girl who understands and loves me for me, when all I want is other guys sexually, even though I want women emotionally. Am I looking at being disfellowshipped or worse? The biggest fear I have is that ill be Exed and I hate that idea because I've invested so much into this church, my education, my tithing, my mission, my whole life. I love it, I love the gospel, but I feel like the church isn't doing enough and hasn't done enough in the past. I just feel like i can't be me. What should I do and what do you all think would happen if i told my bishop? I think I could handle it on my own, but I deal with intense anxiety and just need some reassurance. thank you and I truly hope I haven't offended anyone...