wiley

Whether you should tell your wife or not; I think the answer is in you. It is good that you stopped it and you feel better. But something is still bugging you; something that will not allow you to let it go. If you are honest with how you feel, you will make the right decision. I'm not telling you what the right decision is, though I personally agree with the consensus here. However, if the right answer is to tell your wife, then perhaps this thread would be better titled, "How do I tell my wife and keep my marriage?" Perhaps people can give their opinions as to the best way to handle the situation so that in the end, the family is strengthened instead of torn apart. Perhaps the wives here could have useful advice. If this happened to you, how would you want your husband to come clean? What would you want him to do to make amends; to show you that he really loves you and is committed to the family? My advice, which is only my opinion and not complete, is that it is time to find that sex appeal you had for your wife before. To find what it was about her that kept you so faithful to her before. It has been my experience that if that appeal has been lost, it wasn't a result of your spouse changing, but rather you. And it is your choice to find that kind of love again for your spouse. (I'm not speaking to you robbie specifically here.) (But now I am.) This is a generic way of saying this, but it is time to be that perfect husband. Not the one that does everything right by other's standards, but the one that is perfect to your wife. The one she dreamed about marrying in the first place. The one that makes her feel like she is the most important person in your life. The one that when other women see how you treat your wife, they grow jealous and wish their husbands would do the same. Each woman is different in how they like to be shown love, so I can't tell you exactly what I think you should do. And absolutely women and men differ here. Men know how they want to be loved. Women know how they want to be loved. But often I see men showing love to their wives the way that the men want to be loved. I see the same to be true to women. Show your wife love the way SHE wants to be loved. Only you know what that is, and if you don't, it is time to learn. I think that is also the best way to be a father to your children as well. I'm speaking a little in fantasy here, I know. After 10 years of marriage, I hope I will be just as crazy about my wife as I am now. I'm not there yet, so it devalues my advice a little. But do I think it is possible? Absolutely yes.

Those who follow the commandments, obey the prophets, read the scriptures, pray night and day and pay a full tithing, etc., will receive blessing that others will not receive. The church teaches that blessings are a good thing - realistically they will make you happier - as you are blessed in your earthly life and on the other side. If you are unworthy to receive these blessings you will not be as happy on earth or return to the Celestial Kingdom. ~friend This kind of statement is something that my wife and I hear regularly in church. But we often wonder at such attitudes. My question is, by following the commandments of the church, are we happier in life than those who do not follow the commandments. To expand the question a little.... Can others find happiness in life by following other paths than that of the LDS church? What if you decide to marry civily and not get sealed right away. Does that mean you are not as happy as those who are already sealed? The straight and narrow leads to eternal happiness. That is what we are taught. But what does that really mean? Does it refer specifically to the CK, or does it include this Earthly life as well? Just interested in getting your viewpoint. It is not something that I can ask straight up in Sunday School.

Good stuff Big Picture. It's always interesting to see things like this. Thanks for bringing it. WordFlood has a point, though. For myself, I don't feel a need to defend my faith. The church helps me make my life better. And I believe it's teachings. If something else works better for others, I hope they are happy.

Very good thoughts Emma. I agreed with what you said. I look forward to talking to you about history in other threads.

I looked to see where you live Yediyd. Too far from me. But if nothing else, for this group here on this websight, I hope us priesthood folk can learn from this lesson. It's convenient to critized them [Yediyd's PH's] in their failings and say that we all have our faults. But can we say that we are going to look harder in our own wards for parents in need? Will we see where we can do better? Perhaps someone in our ward is also falling through the cracks. Let's learn from this guys so that we don't have to use the "nobody's perfect" reasoning for ourselves if we fail ourselves. Maybe Yediyd's PHs will come around, maybe not; let's hope. But let's make sure that we hear the message loud and clear. This goes for the girls of the ward as well, and also certainly applies to RS. But I think they are better about such things in general than we are. I saw one guy here show how he stepped up. Kudos to him. Not saying anyone else hasn't. Just that we should be more observant towards the families in our ward.

We didn't get any specific blessing over here. I did what I was asked, and it made me feel good. That's all I really want anyways. It counterbalances the times when I don't do what I'm asked. It allows me to say, "Well, at least in this area, I was perfect." I guess that is why I like to pay tithing. It's one of those few and unique commandments that where we can actually measure how well we follow that commandment, and you can, at the end of the year, say you did so perfectly. But this is not a tithing thread. But like I said, no specific blessings. I'm happy enough that we have a roof and food on the table. ::Now if we could just combine the two....roof and table. That is, if we could just learn to eat at home more often. We go out to eat WAY to much. It makes my belly get bigger

I couldn't tell you myself. I don't think I have ever killed an animal in my life, except mosquitos. I even let the fish go when fishing. I only fish when someone wants me to go with them. I don't really understand hunting. But a lot of people like to do it here in Utah. I've heard you could even do it online (not in Utah; south somewhere). You point the cursor at an animal feeding and click the button. On the other end, a gun shoots and they send you the meat. Kind of odd to me.

Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday. When I first came to Utah, I had to ask why everyone was taking vacation at the same time? My father-in-law rarely made my wife's birthday, because he always went hunting. Even when it is not hunting season, the hunters are still on the prowl. Their idea of family bonding is to pile into the truck and go look for deer. Once we saw a coyote, which I guess is always allowed to be shot. The dad wanted his six shooter NOW!. He was going to take shots at the coyote that was 200-400 yards away. I was a little nervous. Also the time the sons were trying to shoot a bird out of the sky. I kept thinking, what goes has to come down somewhere. And don't forget about the 24th of July. I didn't understand why the University was closed, fireworks were being shot, big parades were going on. At first I just shrugged my shoulders and thought they didn't get enough of the 4th of July. I'm still not sure which holiday is bigger in Utah.

No, no. I was just having fun. I liked it.

LilMiss, Can I just applaud your efforts to try and help this person initially. I think you did the right thing by trying to help her out and bring her back into the fold and, but you were rewarded with contention, lies, and... well, someone who tried to break up your family. I can just feel the anger your husband must have gone through as he had to explain to his wife what he was being accused of and hoped she believed him. It would be very emotional for me. (Personally, I would be hard pressed to forgive someone who tried to destroy my family.) It is unfortunate that this had to happen despite your desire to help her repent. It shouldn't be this way, but I suppose it can happen. Perhaps one day, she will try to right all the wrongs she did to your family. That said, I believe C_K is right Perhaps she too will be able to find forgiveness in the Lord's eye for all that she has done. I hope she is able to. He knows of all I have done, and I hope to find his forgiveness in that day as well. I hope you will find the strength to be able to move past this and be able to forgive her in your heart as well. Like I said before, this would be very difficult for me to do. But I still think it would be the right thing to do and I would applaud you even more if you were able to do it.

This is a very good answer. I just hope that my wife and I will have the strength and understanding to be able to do such. I still don't know if it is completely true that it will be absolutely necessary. I have been told by local church leaders (stake pres. and such) that a monogomous relationship in the CK is sufficient to recieve the highest of glories. But this is such a under-revelated topic, IMO, that I'm not sure the reality of such is clear, at least to the general public. Thanks mamacat for piping in here. It is not lost to me that all of the posters in this thread are male. The whole concept of Everlasting Covenant was never a concern for me until I started looking at it though my wife's eyes. I wonder if it were reversed (theoretically), that is if we had to share our wives with many men, but I got to be the "first husband", how our responses would be. I would be interested if you could expound on your above thought. It's OK if you don't, but I would like to hear from your perspective. How modern do they have to be?I changed me av'tar jus so Mr. T knows whos he talkin to

Nice to meet you David. You can ignore the tone of the initial post. I was just being dumb. And as far as criticisms and religious discussions go, I have no to very little interest in such topics with them. They are not the right people to discuss such things.

Some say yes, some say no. I was hoping some have figured this out and it wasn't just me. Let me clarify a few things though. My question has nothing to do with polygamy here on Earth, in the past or if ever the future. I do not believe that polygamy is never an evil practice when command by the Lord such as the case with Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Solomon, David (except of course his big blunder), and even JS. It is an evil practice when the Lord does not command it such as with the Nephites and today. On that note, I believe that men like Enoch, Noah, and Job were monogomous, showing that not all men were commanded to live in a polygamous relationship during the OT era. I could be wrong on these accounts, but the point is still the same. To me, Jacob 2: 30 explains all why the Lord commands polygamy at one time or another. The purpose is to bring about children. In the case of polygamy during our history, I wonder if anyone has ever tried to figure out how many children were born and what affect that had on the church. What would the church be like today if polygamy never took place? It wouldn't surprise me if the LDS church would not have been as significant today in that "alternate universe". SO, I'm content with the knowledge that I only need to be sealed here to my wife. Even if, though unlikely, the Lord ever reinstates polygamy before I die, I don't think I will be required to do so. I expect to fall in to that large group of Mormons that did not practice polygamy, and still be eligable for exaltation. BUT, my question is....when my wife and I have died and moved on , and we have been the "perfect" followers of Christ, which I can say because this is my fantistical future prediction, and thus we are completely forgiven of our sins and have inherited eternal life, will we be escorted into a heavenly office and asked to seal more women to our family? And if we are not comfortable with that, will the "office manager" say, "Oh, well sorry, we can't offer exaltation, but here is another very nice place in the Celestial palace for you and your wife to inherit. Oh, by the way, you will not be able to procreate. But I think you will be happy there."? I look forward to your responses. Some may have felt they have already answered this question, but maybe I didn't follow you, so if you could please clarify. Thanks

So, my wife and I have a question about eternal marriage. This has to do with the new and everlasting covenant as described in D&C 132. The question is simple. Do we have to live in a polygamous relationship in the Celestial Kingdom in order to receive exaltation? Polygamous is an earthly term, but the concept is the same. Another way to ask the question. Is it possible to just be sealed to your wife and still have the promise of exaltation?

They are not hiding. I just wonder if your not seeing them. This person may not be the right one for you, but many of the women of the church are by far more in tune with the spirit than many of the men. I have not yet met a single guy whom I consider a spiritual giant that did not have his wife to thank for it. The thing about following the promptings of the spirit is that it's not so cut and dry to everyone. That is not to say that they don't feel or recognize the spirit. But for many, including myself it is actually a bit of a challenge to understand promptings and act upon them. I'm sure you are aware of that, and I envy you that you are able to. Me, I had this huge issue while on my mission. I was trying to understand these promptings. We would walk by a door, I would think that I had a prompting (or at least wonder to myself, is this prompting or a random thought?) Well I won't tell you how many of those doors nobody answered. But for those like me, we trust on doing what is right and follow the commandments. That is where our direction comes from. My wife, who isn't particularly skilled at receiving spiritual promptings either, is nonetheless very obedient. Much more so than I ever was. She is my spiritual strength for that gift that she has. And I say gift because that is what I believe it to be. Understanding those promptings is a talent, a skill that takes practice. Some are better at it than others. It is not my particular talent, but I do have other things that I am very good at. For me, I focus on those things about me to gain spiritual strength. As for my weaknesses, I have patience with myself (and that includes the weaknesses of my wife as well). But be patient. Look for someone who is strong where you are weak. I think that those are the best relationships. The ones who keep each other moving forward in this crazy world.