ebie1995

In England, you have to have a civil ceremony and then get sealed as soon as possible. For most this is the day of the wedding or a few days later at most especially as we live so close to a temple. However, our SP has said that he thinks it is very much a grey area (as what soon as possible amounts to) and for us as my parents were unsupportive about it being close to the wedding but are now supporting us now is the soonest reasonable time. The decision was ultimately based on discretion due to our difficult circumstances and reflects almost a year of discussing and seeking counsel. However, other members of stake presidency gave very different opinions with one telling us that if we chose to get sealed after the wedding date we would have to abstain from intimacy until the sealing (the idea of waiting up to a year to be intimate made DH and I giggle) so I do wonder if we had a different SP if it would be a no. Regarding the family situation DH and I ended up having a meeting with his parents which seems pretty productive and Im really hopeful that it will help pave way to a better relationship and we are going to visit them this weekend for dinner. We both feel like their eyes have really opened as to why we've been feeling hurt and that we can all work to make it better. BIL is a whole other story and DH is really struggling with them BIL told DH he won't see him unless DH apologises to SIL for something DH hasn't done. There is a lot of work that can be done from all side but I'm not sure everyone sees it that way.

Brief overview, I am a convert of 2 years and happily married to my husband who was born into the church. We got married in January in England and made the incredibly hard decision not to get sealed on our wedding day (due to the detrimental impact it would have my family relationship). We were fully expecting to wait a year before getting sealed. However, when I took out my endowments in February the stake president asked me if we would be interested in getting sealed sooner and if it is something we would like him to look into. Of course we super excited at the prospect but understood nothing was guaranteed. Fast forward a few weeks ago we got the go ahead to get seal and have the day booked for the 7th of May. My husband is not close to his family and there are a lot of hurt feelings especially surrounding our wedding as they didn't want to help in any way (even just setting up the chapel) and left early from it because they had to "look after the dog". They show no interest in him or his schooling and the family love to insult him and put him down. We've also had issues with them wanting to sell his property without his permission. When we got the go ahead for the sealing we started to think about who we wanted there and decided that we didn't want his family there due to how distant we feel with them and so that neither set of parent gets to be treated differently. Instead we are hosting a meal after for family and friends to come and celebrate our sealing. When we told in laws (we had everyone over for easter) that we were getting sealed no one even smiled (it was like we had just said the world had ended) there wasn't even a congratulations (and this was before we said they weren't invited) I find out last night that BIL has been staring going on to MIL and keeps asking her is she upset, how do you feel (trying to provoke the situation). The family don't think its fair that an "exception" has been made for us and think we should have to wait. BIL and wife are jealous because her family are not members and they didn't get an "special provision", though we have tried to explain that it is a very different situation. We confronted BIL yesterday about his behaviour and other issues in the past that we have bottled up (he made up some lies about my DH having sex before we were married and spread them around the family). I've had a letter on my computer outlining what the MIL and FIL have done thats so hurtful over the past year and yesterday DH has hit the wall and said to send it, it hurts me seeing their behaviour be so destructive towards him. We have been distancing ourselves for a while anyway in the hope that giving space may make things better. I am at a point where I am done, when Im around them or at their home I find it so hard to feel the spirit. For so long I've tried to turn the other cheek, and just stay quiet and not voice my hurt or distress but DH and I are at breaking point now. I have said to DH that I think we need to be on the same page dealing with that and if his family want to speak to us they need to come visit us (which they never do even though were about 20 minutes away) as we've had previous family intervention at their house and 1. I have severe allergies and they have a lot of pets and its very dirty 2. if it is at our house we had discuss the issues on our terms as there is a tendency in the family to just blame everything on my DH. The only other thing of importance I've said is to not drag in other sibling (he has a sister and another brother) who are not involved and we have no major issues with (DS has a lot on at the moment as her husband is subject to criminal charges for rape and assault). I have said to DH I will never stop him seeing his family or having a relationship with then if that is what HE wants. Beyond this I don't really know what do, every family has its disfunction but Ive never dealt with anything like this before, and don't really know how to help DH (who in this situation is my first priority). Any advice or guidance would be appreciated