TBM, born and bred, lifelong faithful tithe payer. I'm also a SAHM, and my husband and I are what you'd rate very high on the financial-responsibility spectrum: budget, avoid debt, fully insured, save money every month, have an automated Christmas savings account, drive old cars, have FLEX plans for expenses, no cable, shop at thrift stores, coupons, cook from scratch, 800+ credit scores, etc. You get the picture.
My struggle is that I'm experiencing lots of sacrifice and pain (literally) as a result of paying tithing, and I see no blessings coming from it. When we run the numbers, which we do every payday, we see exactly what you'd expect to have happen when a family with our income gives 14% of their net income away: a family that goes without vacations, EC activities, family photos, dance, sports, piano lessons, any of the "nice stuff." That's okay. First world problems. EC activities and vacations are indulgences that no one really needs. We find other ways to develop our talents and interests. I also experience serious neck and headaches, which the doctor says I need PT for. I can't afford that, so I simply deal with the pain.
In the past, I paid tithing with faith that we would be blessed for it. However, those blessing did not appear. As the years have passed and I've continued to pay, I've come to view tithing as the Lord's pound of flesh, the punishment you bow your head and take because someone much bigger than you says you must, and it'll just be worse for you if you don't. People speak of all these blessings they get from tithing, and I just don't see them. Our cars don't last any longer, our job situation certainly has not been better (in fact, it's arguably been worse than what you'd expect), and we have the same financial bumps and bruises as everyone else in the world. It's all been singularly non-divine. Precisely what you'd expect this situation to look like on paper: tight, hard, and sacrificial. With how extremely we budget and how financially responsible we are, I feel absolutely certain that our lives would improve dramatically if we didn't give that extra money away. I will never stop paying tithing, but I'm keenly aware of how much our family sacrifices for it, and sometimes I simply sit and cry with sadness and discouragement because I was raised to believe that it would bring blessings and, IME, it simply does not.
Isn't there supposed to be more to this whole tithing thing? If so, how do I find it? I've already done the Sunday School answers. I've experienced no peace or divine assistance. People say that the blessings can be non-tangible, but I don't see any there either. Our emotional, marital, and physical lives are no better than average. In fact, they may be worse due the fact that we can't afford things (medical care, personal development activities) that would probably enhance our well-being. And far from my testimony being enhanced, I've become hardened and skeptical about the church's promises. I WANT to feel blessed by tithing, but given the evidence I see, I don't know how. Is there any hope?
