MariDemure - My Relief Society President forwarded your post to me a couple of weeks ago knowing that I too had been in a similar situation to yours. I lost my baby 18 years ago in October. When I became pregnant with my own "rainbow baby" I suffered with severe depression and anxiety. I was convinced I was going to lose that baby too despite the fact that I had two older, healthy children. I think through the experience of severe, intense grief our thought processes can become out of balance. My pediatrician at the time told me that when the brain experiences trauma actual chemical changes take place that effect personality, thought processes, etc. And then add to that the hormonal changes a woman goes through during pregnancy and no wonder we are so stressed out emotionally!
I don't know that I have any wisdom or advice to offer you but I did want you to know that someone out there understands what you are going through. It is certainly a difficult and stressful time during subsequent pregnancy after loss. Remember that it is so important to take care of yourself physically especially making sure you are getting enough sleep. It is through restful sleep that our brain "decompresses" and resets.
Yesterday in preparation for our Relief Society lesson, I read one of my favorite scriptures several times and it brought me comfort. I hope it will do the same for you. Proverbs 3: 5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Please know that others have walked this difficult path before and have made it to the other side. You will, too.
