dellme

Again more deflection. You refuse to take responsibility in your own actions that is causing others to have lower rates, yet you then claim don't blame me b/c I'm part of the 82% and then you complain about 0% rates. Classic, classic hypocrisy.

I don't think anyone has said as much; it's not good, but just b/c something isn't at the level of adultery doesn't mean we shouldn't preach against it. There are lots of sins that fall far, far short of adultery, we still shouldn't do them. Look man, you know you shouldn't do it, so just stop, stop rationalizing, justification, etc.

You are clearly deflecting to avoid the root of the problem. You complain about "fake friends" and low HT numbers, you complain " Christ was not assigned to minister to people. He casually went about his travels and anyone he met along the way he shared the message. " Yet you yourself will not allow yourself to be ministered to. Do you see the problem? The only people who can effectively minister to you are a few close friends whom you trust. No one in your ward can minister to you b/c you won't allow them to minister to you. You are projecting your own failure to allow yourself to be ministered to upon others and you are therefore extremely critical of the program. Your "solution" is totally unworkable-it would fail horribly-it would cause cliques to develop within the Church. And quite frankly, with your attitude you will never be an effective ministering angel. If you don't know how to be ministered to (which involves letting someone into your life), then you will never be able to minister to others . . .b/c quite frankly giving someone a ride home from school one day-big deal-that's just called being kind.

So why are you blaming the program, when you are part of the problem? Why do you want to change the program instead of changing yourself?

That actually says a lot more about you than anything else. You don't "trust" anyone coming over except a select few? Seriously? You have such little trust in members of the Church that only a "select few" can dare to step into your abode? Geez, what do you think the male members of the Church are rapists, womanizers, etc? Oh I'm sure, the reason is "we don't feel comfortable with you coming over" (could be personal against me or not) Like I said, we don't do a good job of addressing the receiving end of it. I have NEVER refused to open my home to any representative from the Church-it's just silly. Unless you give me a reason NOT to trust you, the fact you are a member of the Church brings with it (or should bring with it) some level of inherent trust . . .if it doesn't, whelp we've got a long, long way to go if that is the level of trust inherent in fellow ward members. I mean really, how in the world can you expect to get 100% HT when you won't open the door yourself? It seems just a little hypocritical to me . . . And in fact, the solution you propose will be counter-productive-your solution is exactly how you get cliques going and how you would get a cliquish ward-not good.

That is a lot easier said than done. I guess for those people who decide to post their entire lives on Facebook/Twitter/etc and broadcast that they just went to the bathroom that's cool and it's a piece of cake, but sorry that's not how my family rolls. I'm not going to be looking at my ministering families Facebook/Twitter feeds and stalking them and anyone expecting to do the same will be sorely disappointed. If that's what "ministering" looks like, then you can count me out-I have very, very little use for social media and it's evils.

I do agree it seems like it can be a lot less effort . . .I don't really like that aspect. But one thing I have noticed more recently is the number of active going members who made it really, really hard to do HT. I've had very poor luck over the past 4-5 years. One family (the husband became the EQP), I could never HT-not b/c I didn't want to, but b/c they simply were never available-or I should say never made themselves available-every single time it was "we are doing great-we'll let you know". I've had several families like that . . .at least now I don't have to feel so dang guilty for not being able to get into their house. I really wish we would speak more to the actual responsibilities of being ministered to-you can't minister to someone who doesn't make it easy to be ministered to.

Except you seem to have an unrealistic expectation of other people. So many times we read things into other people that aren't there at all. Who knows why someone gives you a half-way smile and don't make contact at Church-it could be for any number of reasons, bad day, family issues, etc. And yes, everyone has different personalities/traits for different instances. When you are giving a big presentation at work, your personality, your demeanor is different than if it's a normal work day. When you interview for a position or a job, it's different than if you are just reporting the weeks activity to your boss. Just b/c someone's demeanor is different when they show up at your door vs. before they were your HT does not mean they are fake . . .it means they are HUMAN! It'd be great, if every time at Church, every single person always had a smile on and was always pleasant and all that stuff, but it's just not possible.

Oh please. This perceived "shaming" crap has gone way to far. I'm sure there are hundreds of "personal" accounts of the perceived harm done from premarital sex shaming too! I mean really where exactly does it end? Admonishing that M is against the law of Chastity as shaming? Asking a teenager (who may or may not know what exactly is against the LoC) if they do that as shaming?? I suppose leaders shouldn't ask whether they've ever drunk alcohol either for fear of "shaming". And in general any "creepiness" comes b/c the leader doesn't address things head-on in a clear, concise, matter-of fact way. If a Bishop asks sheepishly "well, umm, do you, umm, do you umm, self-stimulate", of course that is going to come off as bad, b/c the leader himself is making it that way. Just clearly, precisely, with no fear address the issue head-on, explain it is not acceptable, ask if they do and then address it if they do. This isn't hard, complex or complicated. The parents who feel the need to sit in an interview with the Bishop with their poor little Billy are probably the ones most oblivious to the actual problems and things the kid is in reality doing. I personally think inside Church culture this "shame" confusion has grown so much that people can't tell the real difference between when your conscience gets pricked by God telling you that you screwed up and delivering that message through a leader and real shame-which is an "I'm worthless" message vs. "I screwed up" message. And no where in the message of the Church, no in GC, not in Bishops, not anywhere has there ever been the shame message of "I'm worthless". No, what people want today is to NOT feel guilty and that's a big, big change.

I'd say you are severely confused and have lots of cognitive dissonance in your own mind that don't make sense. 1) You don't doubt God could flood the Earth, but you doubt the recording of God's actions written down by His prophets. 2) You take on faith the recordings of historians as accurate, yet those same historians doub the existence of God For the atonement, yes I have thought deeply about those types questions. I feel pretty confident in my logical mind as to why those things needed to be-but it would be too long to get into here. I will just say, once you start doubting the miracles of God written down in the Bible-it becomes easy to dismiss other miracles. https://www.blueletterbible.org/study/parallel/paral12.cfm Did God really flood the Earth? Did Moses really part the Red Sea? Did the 10 horrible plagues really come upon the Egyptians? Was there really a Garden? Was Jonah really in the belly of a whale? Did Shadrach, Meshach reallly not get burned? And on and on and on. If you get up in technical details about how these things happened (and then say well I can't figure out in my modern mind how they happened therefore they didn't happen), you miss the larger picture that they did happen! and that God is a God of miracles! And if you don't think God is a God of miracles then He just becomes a nice fairytale to make us all feel good. That's why the best response is simply "We believe the Bible to be the Word of God as far as it is translated correctly". B/c if it's not the Word of God and it can't be trusted, then it's all just a bunch of made-up goobly-gook by a bunch of ignorant, stupid, bronze-age sheep-hearders-right?

Nope incorrect: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/01/a-latter-day-testament-of-biblical-truth?lang=eng The Prophet Joseph Smith identified Noah as the angel Gabriel and taught that he (Noah) stands next to Adam in authority in the priesthood.6 The Doctrine and Covenants teaches that Noah was among the mighty ones in the world of spirits (see D&C 138:41). He was ordained to the patriarchal priesthood when he was 10 years old (see D&C 107:52). According to the Old Testament, Noah found favor with the Lord and was commanded to build an ark to preserve human and animal life during the Flood (see Gen. 5–9). Noah was among those redeemed by the Lord at His Resurrection (see D&C 133:54). As a resurrected being, Noah also instructed the Prophet Joseph Smith (see D&C 128:21).

I honestly don't understand, some serious cognitive dissonance going on. How is it easier to believe in a man who lived 2000 years ago who took upon the sins of the world, died, was resurrected 3 days later and then ascended to heaven yet not believe in the power of God to flood the earth? Shoot if Jesus can literally come back from the dead than not much of anything else is impossible.

Again presentism-you need to learn what that means. Actually it has only been in the last 20+ years that inmates are not used for economic things. I remember chain-gangs growing up, inmates in chains picking up trash on the side of the road, with a guard and a shotgun-that's about as close as you can slavery without actually calling it slavery. No slavery has not "always" been used for economic reason-please go read some history and educate yourself-I gave you links to do so. And yes I guess since you have no clue that the world is really, really messy enslaving people (where they can earn their freedom after a number of years) vs. killing them is actually quite Christlike.

Presentism . . .go and read some history and think about what it would be like to live in those days and you'll figure out the answer. Life was much, much, much different, attitudes, culture, mores, the way different cultures acted, behaved, etc. That's like asking why slavery didn't end 100 years earlier (it would have been nice-but it didn't-different times).

You really need to study your history more. Most modern people think of slavery as in the 1700s and 1800s variant. But that variant was actually more the exception than the rule. And a little known fact (in today's modern culture) is that the slaves that came to the USA back then were sold into slavery by rival tribes in Africa (in fact it STILL exists today in Africa https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_contemporary_Africa). In ancient cultures slavery was actually a sign of mercy. What do you do with a conquered people from war? You either kill them all off (as the Israelites did several times) or put them into slavery. You couldn't just have them free b/c they didn't mix with the conquerers (different culture/background etc.). They didn't have the infrastructure to house them-so they became slaves. What about when people commit crime? There were no general "jail" cells back in the day-prison was more reserved for political dissedents, murderers and the like. However, if you stole from someone, what was the punishment-you didn't just rot in a jail cell-you became a slave to the person you injured. People were debt slaves. We have a modern form of slavery that no one likes to talk about-it's called prison or incarceration. You might say well they committed a crime and so deserved to be in prison-yeah well that's exactly what the ancients thought about conquered people or debt slaves, or thieves. Over 2 million USA individuals are modern day slaves: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States, especially since 1975 (but that's another topic). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_antiquity In Ancient Egypt, slaves were mainly obtained through prisoners of war. Other ways people could become slaves was by inheriting the status from their parents. One could also become a slave on account of his inability to pay his debts. Slavery was the direct result of poverty. People also sold themselves into slavery because they were poor peasants and needed food and shelter. The lives of slaves were normally better than that of peasants. Slaves only attempted escape when their treatment was unusually harsh. For many, being a slave in Egypt made them better off than a freeman elsewhere.[2

I was listening to Jordan Peterson interviewing some guy talking about fathers and what they bring to the table and it's really amazing. The traits that fathers overwhelmingly bring is the dust yourself off, I know you can do it, try again, don't let life knock you down, etc. Mothers in general bring a very empathic, coddling attitude . . .which is great . . .for toddler and infants! Biologically speaking it's awesome b/c mom's need to have that empathitic, coddling nature for infants-if they don't the child will die or be harmed tremendously. It's crucial and essential. At the same time, fathers are also essential to teach the children how to stand on their own two feet, mothers and fathers are very, very complementary but very, very different.

All you are teaching him is how to be a victim in life and that leads to no where good. Bad mental health, bad behaviors, bad attitudes, bad relationships, etc. It's fine to go out for special dates or what not, but rules are rules and just b/c something horrific happens to you doesn't mean you get an excuse to not go to church. And good luck trying to "convince" an 8-year that he should go to church. Like you are going to "reason" with an 8-year-old . . .hah, best parenting words ever "Because I said so" And once you get to an age where you can reasonably expect to hear the reason behind "because I said so" you should be able to figure it out for yourself without me having to explain it to you. Really, it's awesome, real conversations with my kids. "But why dad?" "Because I said so" . . "But WHY???" "well if you want to know the answer, why do YOU think I said xyz?" child in a sulking, sheepish manner " well dad I guess it's because of xyz". "Good job, kid I'm glad you are thinking for yourself!"

ROTFLOL. Best quote of the DAY!!! You just made my day. Really that is awesome, you really brightened my day. Awesomeness! No man . . .I''m not going into my own personal details on the interwebs. But I DO know what I'm talking about. I DO know about small kids who have had very, very sick parents, I HAVE had unruly, spoiled brat children, and I HAVE change in how I parent that has lead to a massive turn-around in everything. And I do have kids who absolutely adore me and have to be pulled off of me after shouting "MY DADDY!!!" . . .lol awesomeness. You're just going to have to take my word for it. I do know what I'm talking about here. Clearly you do not. Look, I don't doubt your sincerity or your love, just that your approach will not lead you to where you want it to lead you to. Parenting is all about unconditional love and unconditional leadership. You can't have one without the other or it leads to a massive imbalance.

No he doesn't have the maturity-but you teach him how to have maturity by the example you set. You set the example and allow him to deal with his own emotions by not making special rules simply b/c he's had it rough.

No true. He rules the house well enough that you needed to post this question. He rules the house well enough that he doesn't eat what is fixed for dinner. He rules the house well enough that you and your wife can't attend church together. Those are two things that my well-behaved kids do not do. Well behaved kids go to Church when told and eat what is fixed for them. My guess is there is quite a lot of other things too, but you will never fix this problem until you stop making excuses for them. You are excusing bad behavior simply b/c he has had it rough in life. So what. A lot of people have it rough in life, but that doesn't give reason to throw tantrums, be disruly or disobedient. The biggest lesson kids should learn is that life isn't fair and that just because you've been through a lot gives you no excuse to behave badly.

Umm, he is 8, he naturally doesn't have much say into anything, except maybe what toy he likes best, what is his favorite color, what to play with when it is play-time, etc. Yeah, that's the point is that right now he doesn't have much say in anything, why, b/c he is not responsible enough to have a say into anything. Responsibility is taught and trained it doesn't just naturally spring up. Every kid would like nothing better than to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch dinner, play video games all day, have meals catered to them at all times, etc. But that would be irresponsible-that's why God gave children parents, as in adults who have been alive for a lot longer and who KNOW BETTER than to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Therefore, when a parent says "no", the child should naturally obey-b/c the parent know what is best for the child. The child doesn't know anything and must be taught, trained and civilized (yes it is a process) to know what is best for oneself. Paradoxically, by not enforcing rules and discipline your nephew contrary to what you think he will be LESS happy than if you just enforced the law. If you want to give him a voice, do the 'ol reverse psychology. "Billy, you can have peas or broccali for dinner, which do you want?". I'm not sure what exactly you are looking for (except possibly a pity party and sympathy?), you asked a question, people responded, you don't like their responses b/c either it can't work (according to you) or you don't want it to work. It seems rather foolish to ignore the responses of several parents who have been there done that got the t-shirt to prove it, here is what I did that fixed those issues, and it worked!. But if you want to ignore it, do it at your own peril.

So let him starve! He's not stubborn, he's disobedient (yes spoiled brat). He'll get the point real quick after skipping a couple of meals. The problem is he has learned that not being obedient gets him what he wants-i.e. he is spoiled. You and your wife have problems with him-its not him-it's you and your wife. Give me a day with him-he'd obey me lickety-split, guarantee it. I'd have him fixed and he'd be very happy, real quick. That's why he needs a stern father-figure-you aren't his father but you are a father-figure and you need to act like one. You have to develop that voice and "that look"; everybody who had good parents knows "the look that would kill". It's the look and voice that says, boy straighten up right now or something bad is going to happy and you will not like it at all. And you only develop it by being firm and by being mean (as in you mean what you say-when it's time to go, it's really time to go, when it's bedtime, it really is bedtime). Kids need to be able to trust you and right now this nephew has 0 trust in you, why b/c what you say doesn't really matter and you never really mean it.

Actually you shouldn't care much of what he thinks. I understand he has been through a lot-but the best way for him to resolve it is for you and your wife to get it in gear and provide him with some structure, guidance and discipline. Look, raising kids is like having a kid in a sandbox. When they are very, very little the sandbox is small, the bounds of the box are the rules you as a parent put in place. The world for an 8-year-old is way, way too big for them to deal with all by themselves. They can't deal with it all-it is just impossible. What they need is to be able to feel safe, secure and then to have freedom within the sandbox. Yes they need control-but they need to be able to control what you give them control over. If you give them the ability to control the whole world (which is what you are doing) at such a small age, they don't know what to do with is and things go horribly wrong. As a parent (or surrogate parent), you MUST force him to do things he doesn't want to do . ..that's what rules are all about. Eventually children understand that oh the rules are their for me-to help me, to help me feel secure and safe. Man as a child a world with no rules is absolutely terrifying. You are such a small, small creature in a massively huge world that you can't begin to comprehend and there is no bound on your behavior-how terrifying not to know the rules. As children grow the sandbox becomes bigger and bigger, rules still exist but they aren't as restrictive . .eventually until they get to be an adult where the only "rules" is really their own internal personal rules of conduct that have hopefully been cultivated over many, many years. So what if you aren't his dad-big deal, so maybe you don't spank him . ..okay there are plenty of ways to discipline without spanking-sit in a corner, take away priveleges, send to their room, make them write sentances. You have to enforce rules-if you don't he will become a little tyrant and a king that you will bow down to and pay ommage to very everything. People always want to say they don't want to "fight" their kids-look if you do the necessary groundwork of putting the law down (which means, when I say jump you say how high), you never have a fight with your kid. But if you don't do the necessary groundwork then even the simplest of things can easily escalate into a fight. Example: leaving the park-it's time to go for dinner, you tell child let's go, child doesn't want to-if you don't lay the groundwork that will become an emotionally draining exhausting war-if you have laid the groundwork it is as simply as saying "let's go now!" An obedient child is a happy child, a disobedient child is unhappy. I guarantee you, you want to fix this (he has been through a lot-surprisingly kids bounce back REALLY fast), be a disciplinarian you will be amazed at how fast he turns around.

If you have to yes-but it shouldn't ever come to that. Kids are naturally obedient . . . when addressed in the proper manner. Kids are naturally intimidated by adults. I mean wouldn't you be intimitaded by a being that is 12 ft tall can lift you up with two hands and throw you into the air like you were a sack of potatoes? I know I sure would be naturally intimidated by some being who is more than twice as big as me and speaks in a gruff voice. Really, the key to parenting is more about attitude than anything else. If you want a child to obey then you never stoop to their level-always give clear, concise directions from a firm fully upright position. Never say things like "Do you want to get ready for church?" (You just gave them the option to say no, and the child might just say no, now what are you going to do??), never say things like "Please go get your clothes on, okay?" Why are you addressing a child in sing-song tone punctuated with the words okay at the end (i.e. you just made it a question rather then a command). In the morning you simply tell the child "Billy, go get dressed for church". "Billy, go get in the car, now". Use the command form of the english language. Having your wife stay home with him, simply lets him know that he runs the household and whatever he wants he gets. Now for the other aspect, using the command form generally works, but sometimes (when a child has been disobedient for a long time) the command form doesn't work and now you need consequence. "Billy, it is time for you to pick up your toys" . . .nothing "Billy, I am giving you 5 min. to pick up the toys, I expect them to be cleaned up when I come back" .. . leave the room and leave the child to it. 5 min. later. "Billy, your toys are not picked up, I will now pick them up and they are now mine for the rest of the day and you will go to your room now" etc. etc. Old-school parenting . . .it really works.