Coeurgirl

Yes I agree. I have to remind myself that I can’t expect him to be a perfect Mormon man as he’s spent 40+ years of his life not being one! And the lying is a problem. He does have mental health issues so I think it’s tied into that. He’s always been open that he’s rough around the edges but he cries more than anyone else I know when people bear their testimonies. His heart is very much touched by the spirit but his manly vices confound things.

Thank you, I love this advice. I fluctuate between anger and compassion. I’ve had spiritual promptings throughout our marriage to be patient with him. It’s hard, especially when all my sisters married men that are so squeaky clean and seemingly perfect!

We’ve been married for 14 years, and made some major life changes since our beginnings. I was inactive when we married. I really think he doesn’t understand the seriousness of his covenants. He’s very annoyed if I start “preaching” to him, because I grew up in the church and I have a deeper understanding of the gospel. So I don’t. It’s so hard to be patient and gently nudge him into this relatively new lifestyle. I really think he’s embarrassed and ashamed. That is why he doesn’t want to talk about it. I know he has a testimony but he just struggles with his vices. It’s so frustrating.

My husband is a convert of 4 years, in his late 40’s, and has always struggled with addictions. Nothing serious. He finally quit smoking 8 years ago, and drinking alcohol 4 years ago. Or so I think. The thing is, he’s pretty secretive, and I have found receipts in random places showing he’s bought coffee or alcohol. Each step of the way in his progression of the church, he’s been heavily persuaded to move forward. (Not by me) I found a receipt for Bourbon in our garage (he’s not that good at destroying the evidence) a few months after him being baptized, which made me realize just how hard it will be for him to really quit his vices. He was broken up when I confronted him about it. I told him he needed to talk to the Bishop about it, which he did, and they postponed his receiving the Melchezidek priesthood. Just when I think all’s well, I’m delivered a blow. After our sealing 2 years ago, I found a brown paper bag with a whiskey receipt. I felt sick to my stomach because I thought he was better. And the fact that he lied to me is what ticks me off the most. The lies. He admits he’s imperfect but he does have a testimony. I just don’t know what to do. We’re supposed to renew our temple recommends and I’m 99% sure he’s still drinking coffee. I’ve even driven by him at a coffee drive-thru and he texted me he ordered a “hot chocolate”. Yeah right. He just won’t tell me the truth. Even when I say I won’t be mad, he stonewalls me. Am I making a big deal of nothing? Should I tell our Bishop when we have our interviews? Or is this his business? It’s just so disappointing. I always go to the temple with my mom or sisters because I feel like it’s a lie if I go with him.